Pillow Between A Rock and A Hard Place

I have a daughter.

But I work. That sucks.

I want to see my daughter, so I go home for lunch, which is okay considering that it only takes me 20 minute to drive home. But then I can only see her for 30 minutes and drive back to work.

After work I come home, too tired and sleepy (because of the constant waking up early morning - which is great) and would hardly have time to play with my child. That's life isn't it?

I'm planning to be one of those fathers who dedicate their life more towards their children than their career but at the same time do well in life.

I'm afraid to think about my chances of having such a blessed life.

Even now, when I'm just nobody, another employee, a greenhorn executive, life's already too overwhelming. Not that it's not good, life's great, but considering the circumstances, considering my aim and also my physical capabilities, where do I stand in the next 10-15 years?

By then I probably would like to have had a big step in my career, perhaps a Manager or General Manager or something. But also, at that time I would probably want my child to be in the best school, I want to pick her up every time the final school bell rings and have lunch with her, help her with her studies and projects, etc.

Would it be hard?

I'm a laid back kind of guy, but it seems that life has taken a toll on me and bringing me closer to the same route as other working fathers are using - on the road of life without any background music (even if there is, then the song would sound closer to any of Marilyn Manson's).

Still it's still too early to tell. Tired as it may seem, as haphazard as I may look, life is actually really good for me now. I'm still looking forward to the future as always, with a bag full of enthusiasm and a spoonful of sugar (which makes the life medicine go down).

Plus in the future I know for a fact my daughter won't be squirming every night at about 2 a.m. trying to get my attention (without actually opening her eyes - she wants milk). I know also that I'd be able to set out a routine so as to make it easier for me to organize things, whether personal or business. Just can't wait for things to settle down.

Talking about settling down, I've always said to some of my friends that I'd be hanging out with you guys more, or treat you guys dinner or lunch or whatever once I've settled down. I used to say it in April, now it's November and things still haven't settled down. Life's just that grand right now - no time lorrr, always something new happening or a project that needs my attention.

Right now it's my daughter of course, my lovely Nur Alya Sofeah. Also, my wife who hasn't fully recovered (getting closer). My humble abode is still too humble for my liking and that needs some addition. My career might take another exciting turn next month with me moving department and all (hopefully) so that's something unsettling as well. Let's just say, I'd give it another 5 years before I actually do settle down - but that's just wishful thinking.

For now, I just would like to say that life is never easy but at the same time it's not hard. It's just a pillow between a rock and a hard place - make sense of it whichever way you want to.

Sofeah doing the Spanish dance!

Ummi smells laa ayah!

Sofeah's froggy style nap