Husbandhood: I Know I Can Be A Jack**$

Every father wishes they can go home everyday from work on time, so that they can spend time with their child(ren). I'm sure there are those who don't care much but I'm not going to bother about them because their heartless attitude deserves no mention here (just mentioned them).

But, every father would also encounter the inevitable - all of us would one day come home a little bit late just in time to put our children to bed, or not even enough time for that.

For me, I've experienced this several time since fatherhood. It's definitely not the greatest feeling in the world. The feeling is especially worst when I see my daughter alone at her nursery (her mother is never at fault for this).

To make matters worst, when I come home late, hungry and tired, I get a little annoyed by everything. I become an instant jackass. Jackass in a cup. A pack of jackass. Jackass and the beanstalk. Jackass and Jill went up the hill...(I can go on for days).

I've never had a good reason to become a jackass. I just am. It happens when I'm tired. It happens when I'm hungry. It happens when I don't get what I want. Sometimes it can even happen when my football team loses. It just happen.

When it happens, then and there, I know I'm a jackass. Any effort trying to control it would be to no avail. I end up blaming everything that moves. My wife gets the brunt of it and I would feel sorry in the end (I'd apologise). But how I wish I can skip the temper tantrum. But it's not like I break stuff, hit my wife or scream at her or anything.

My reaction is psychological. I give her the silent treatment. I do house chores just so that I can start comparing efforts after doing it. I say things that I don't even understand (thanks to law school). I do the shunning. Yes, the shunning.

How I wish I can control myself but I can't. I can, but somehow when it happens, I don't want to. To this I say, sorry wifey, it was't me. It was some crazy guy who comes home every now and then, looking like me, talking like me, but really isn't me, me. You know, it was crazy me. You've met him.

Ignore him for he is crazy. Just as you see that crazy Ramli Sarip look-alike under the flyover in front of the school, ignore me as you do him. Much like you ignore politics, ignore me. You know how the US is trying to stop other countries from being more developed than they are and how most of us wish that our leaders ignore the US and their egotistical ways, yeah do that, ignore. I'll come back to life in like an hour or two, in the meantime, you can always use the internet to search for things on ebay. Remember, ignore me, search ebay.

Fatherhood: Pre-Fatherhood and My First 11 Months

The plan was clear since day one. I really wanted to be one and after a brief period of uncertainty and doubt, the news crept in my dubious mind like a divine revelation. Looking back at to that fateful day I couldn’t have reacted better – a gleeful smile is probably the most appropriate. Of course jumping wasn’t an option in a room full of people.

Looking back, should I have doubted myself? Who said I can’t possibly have a child at such a young age? Who said I can’t possibly take care of a young family? Who said things would be hard and somehow I would regret things later? No one did. These were just doubts. After hearing the news, I was happy. No more doubt. Hungry though, had a light lunch.

9 months after that revelation, the same unwelcomed questions came to mind the moment I carried her. Why am I doubting myself? It has already been done. I can’t turn back time. She’s there. She’s not going anywhere without me. She’s next to my darling wife. It took a lot of my wife’s energy bringing her out to the world. She already looks so cozy next to her mother. She’s so cute, must take it from me.

I know being a father has its ups and downs. Being a father is not exactly the problem though, being a young man with a big responsibility is. People sometimes do not believe that we are capable of having a child to raise on our own. But the element of surprise has never deterred people from watching sports before. Why it should it deter me and my wife from being independent parents? Why am I comparing sports with my daughter?

I’m new to this world and so is my child. Sure we’re not in the same bracket when it comes to being “new”, but both of us need each other – she needs me to take care of her, I need her for encouragement. I just started this thing called a “career”; I don’t earn that much and I live in a city that struggles as much as I do to take away my money – of course I struggle to earn it – how am I going to afford this? Hmm maybe I’ll splurge on new clothing this month, I can always start saving next month.

Can’t believe 11 months has passed without me and my wife having any trouble taking care of our daughter’s needs and at the same time our own needs. Of course I’m not saying no trouble at all, but financially, physically, mentally, we are still damn fit. Thank Allah my wife is down to earth cool. Sure we want the best for our daughter. We buy her products of the highest quality and the best brands! She’s our first child! Even if it is second hand items. We know where we stand in reality. We can’t afford the best, we buy the best second hand.

It’s great having a daughter. Look at her, so cute and adorable. Which human being wouldn’t want one? 11 months have passed by so quickly. This little girl can’t even carry her head up just 11 months ago. Now she’s carrying sardine cans for fun (then dropping it on her toes and crying her lungs out). I must say, I sure have got the best of the bunch. Smart, cute, obedient, active but at the same time well behaved. Can’t ask for a better child – wouldn’t all parents say the same thing?

I know I haven’t been the best of husband, the best of son or the best of friend, but I sure do make a good father. That’s only because I have the best daughter. Here’s looking forward to another 100 years of being a father to Nur Alya Sofeah - if we survive that long. Happy 1^st birthday my daughter! (of course her birthday is not until the 30^th of October but I’m way too excited)

Fea's Progress - Dia Dah Berjalan

Hari ni Sofeah officially boleh berjalan dah...hoho!

Dia dah lama berjalan 2-3 tapak tapi hari ni dia berjaya jalan 10 tapak and more! ho-yeh!! Haha

So kira umur dia 10 bulan la dia boleh berjalan. Ikut kata mak saya patut the moment dia pandai menapak dah kira official, but dengan Sofeah ni kena la aim high sikit. hehe.

sofaeh memang kuat senyum and happy go lucky

Dah lama tak buat entry berkenaan Sofeah and maknya pula busy bagai langsung tak update blog dah berbulan lamanya. Okay kesian juga kat mak dia sebab kerja agak busy and hectic...rupanya mengajar ni bagi orang yang baru agak hebat cabarannya.

berdiri memakai swimming suit

So anyway, apart from Sofeah dah boleh berjalan banyak lagi dia dah boleh buat. Dulu dia boleh lambai tapi dia buat kadang-kadang je sebab dia penyegan (or sombong, depends). Sekarang dia lambai setiap kali someone balik or dia sendiri nak beransur pulang.

Dia juga gemar menepuk tangan setiap kali lagu (tak kira lagu apa) didendangkan. Lagu paling dia minat ialah "tepuk-tepuk amai" yang biasa dinyanyikan oleh umminya.

Sofeah juga suka swimming. Dulu masa kami duduk di Condo kami (sebelum pindah 2 minggu lepas) ada swimming pool so on the weekends kami bawalah dia turun untuk swim. Happy dia. Dia memang suka mandi pagi dan petang tapi bila swimming tu dia extra excited (of course baby kan, sama je semua).

fea's first swim

Sofeah ni despite being cute (tak kira!!) dia juga sangatlah garang. Bila dia garang? Bila kata nak babab dia, dia pun tunjuk motion nak babab balik. Dia juga suka marah binatang (so far kucing dan anjing mangsanya). Bila dengan binatang je dia akan buat bunyi, "haish!" dan "uumpphh!!" lepas tu dia akan angkat tangan dia cam nak babab. Lepas tu muka garang dia (memang comel) sangat apparent in her eyes bila dia dah start.

Sekarang Sofeah a little bit underweight tapi sebagai one half of her parents, saya tak kisah sangat. Sebabnya, dia sangatlah aktif, dia juga sangatlah sihat dan genetically, logic jugalah kan - ayah dan ummi dia tak lah besar sangat. Lagipun dia makan banyak je (apart from her meal time dia juga akan cuit makanan kami apabila kami makan).

Sofeah memang progress dengan baik. Mesti bijak bila dah tua (scientist in the making...hehe).

Ummi and Sofeah sharing a light moment together

When People Question Our Parenting Skills

Wife and I went to the parenthood expo yesterday to check out some stuff, you know, for the wife. We went there with hope of finding this lactating pill thingy and we found them easily. We decided to go back home since my mum’s taking care of Sofeah so we want to get things done quickly and go back.

We walked around for a bit and I texted my friend - who was expecting a baby in November - to inform him about the expo. He was there at the time. I decided to go back and search for him, just to see his wife’s progress and to talk to him a bit. We entered the expo for the second time (have to go through health check all over again) – big mistake.

The moment we entered the place a man courted us and we were suddenly dragged to the side of this booth selling what look like books for kids – but there were other stuffs there too. They offered us seats and this one woman started to sit in front of us.

I thought to myself “damn, a saleswoman trying to sell us things that we know is very useful but won’t buy as yet”. But being a diplomatic and reasonable person I listened( I don’t know how to get myself out of things like these). She showed us activity books which we can use to teach Sofeah and other playcards and stuff for her early childhood education. Though I’m very interested in all those things I’m afraid RM2000 for the whole set is a bit much – even if I can pay in installments.

Then I was made to feel guilty for not investing in my child’s education. When the saleswoman suggested that I’m not placing my child’s education as priority and not willing to sacrifice for her education's sake, the saleswoman has crossed the line – a very thin line I might add.

Sure I spent more for a DSLR camera (also by installments), but I’ve been longing for one since my university days and I can’t be at fault for wanting to capture my family’s most precious moments in still images since moments can be lost forever. Plus if I play my cards right I can make extra income for my family with a camera.

Sure I did thought about this when she went on and rambled about how parents are more willing to put money in insurance instead of education and that, according to her, should not be the case. I argued what if the father dies the next day (as anyone can die at any time), wouldn’t insurance coverage help at that particular time? To be honest I don’t have an insurance for my child and wife but I’m just arguing for argument’s sake since this saleswoman has started to get on my nerves.

I agree wholeheartedly that education is the most important thing– even at our adult age education is still important. I have never defied that fact when arguing with her but when she inadvertently suggested that I’m not doing enough for my child’s education, because I do not invest in her company’s product, that’s just stoking the fire – she really needs to choose her words carefully.

Does she know me personally? Does she know how I educate my child or whether or not I have been educating my child? Does she know my plans for my child? I can’t take ignorant people who are willing to insult me and my wife’s parenting skills just because we didn’t want to buy her company’s product – because we hardly have money at the moment and to pay RM200 as downpayment would be too much since I only have Rm19 in my bank account at the moment and my wife only has Rm50 in her main bank account.

She may not be intentional in saying things as she did but it is not an excuse since it is her job anyway. We parents can be ultra sensitive when it comes to people questioning our parenting skills/efforts/initiatives and she’s supposed to know that, doing what she does. Since it’s Ramadhan I really tried to keep my cool, but I have limits as well – especially when she keeps on implying that I’m not educating my child enough.

I told her off, “you’re insulting us” and I asked her whether she has a family of her own and all. She retorted that she has a husband and a kid as well. So I told her that then she should understand how we young working families are. I started from scratch and having recently moved to a new house (renting) financially we’re quite weak at the moment. She then said something baffling, “at least you’re both here, my husband’s at home and I’m here working”. What has that got to do with anything? Me and my wife are working too and it just so happen you have to work on that particular Sunday. My wife works 6 days a week and I sometimes work outstation as well. But again, what has that got to do with anything?

She doesn’t seem to understand anything I’m saying and ‘diss’ed me and my wife again with her, if you don’t take the initiative to educate your children now then when are you going to actually do it? We have been educating our child since she was in my wife’s belly. Everyday we talk to her and explain to her things. It’s not as if your book and your playcards are the only thing which can stimulate my child’s brains. If that’s the case then I’m surprised that I’m even writing this entry because I certainly didn’t receive those types of education when I was 9 months old - neither did my parents.

I agree that the company’s product looks good but to be honest it’s no different than any Rm25 book that I can get at some cheap used book store and the playcards and information book is something that I can print out of the internet - It won’t be a hard cover but I can still bind/laminate and make them look as nice and it would cost 10 times less expensive at that.

Sure I probably won’t do it; but if I'm determined to spend Rm2000 on those products, I’d rather put more effort at making it myself and spend the Rm1500 on things which I can’t create myself - also for my child. Plus education doesn’t have to be about having the right product, it is about having the right approach. In which case, I’ll take my chances of not buying your product, thank you.

I now officially hate salesman (woman).

Another poster!

(click for better viewing)

Love doing posters...

Prelim Photography Poster

(click to view it better)

Somehow blogger doesn't really do justice to my already unsatisfying work...

My Photography Packages! / Maxi Cosi Midi for sale

I thought long and hard about going into wedding photography and I've decided to follow through with it with much vigor and determination (I need money). Therefore, I've conjured up this event packages ad which is not final but at the moment will do. I don't think I want to focus on weddings only and I'd also take up bookings for other events like birthdays, aqiqah, family photoshoot or whatever (subject to my liking).

click the image for a better view

As you can see my charges are way below market price (Rm1,200-Rm5,000) but that's because I lack the experience and I don't think it's fair to charge more. But I'm quiet confident about my ability and I've covered events before for free.

My experience include sports event for my company (I've covered about 3 and they were pretty satisfied), family birthday parties and my brother's engagement. All went well and I managed to pretty well (I would say) even though I lack the equipment. So far I'm using my camera and that's it. No flash, no cool lens. Planning to buy them in the near future especially if I get a booking. Again, my service is very cheap (there may also be discounts).

visit my photography at: http://www.flickr.com/photos/wunr

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On another matter, my wife and I would like to sell this car seat as we already have one. It's quite cheap since it's a branded item (and the brand is very expensive). The item is in great condition, the color is just a little bit faded but looks very good still. It's actually a toss up really because my wife likes the condition of this one better than our other car seat but the other car seat is more expensive (we go for value rather than look...sad). So yeah, this one is for sale at a price of Rm270 (negotiable).




Believe me, it is worth the price (market price could fetch up to more than Rm1k for a new one). No editing was done on the pictures to make it look better.

Toy Story - Kisah Permainan Sofeah (In Pictures)

THE END

Abangku Sudah Bertunang! / Konflik Yang Tak Diundang

Ye abang aku sudah bertunang! Akhirnya...Sebab bukan apa, aku ni dah berkahwin and satu anak pun whilst dia baru nak bertunang. Orang selalu jugak kata macam, owh adik dah ada anak satu abang dia bila pula (sedangkan ada seorang lagi abang atas dia yang masih single and also tak ada orang kata pun benda-benda tu tadi...kot)

So anyway...Dia nak kahwin dengan orang Sg. Besar, nun hujung Selangor sana. Drive ke sana 2 jam lebih sebab lori la apa, plus konvoi kan so tak boleh nak bawa laju sangat kereta. Aku ni dah la buta jalan.

Sebelum nak pergi tempat pertunangan tu ada konflik sikit la sebab aku ni rasa macam kena pergi sebab abang sendiri and nak jadi photographer la. Wife pula ada kursus satu hari and then anak nak letak mana? Aku boleh je bawa tapi end up bukan aku jaga sangat so kesian la kat mak aku.

Mula-mula dah set ibu mertuaku jaga tapi disebabkan wife ada kursus and akan habis petang, so agak susah la nak hantar ke Bangi, dah aku dari Sg. Besar pula tak tahu habis pukul berapa so nak ambil dia pukul berapa pula? Risau pula wife kan.

Lepas tu jadi isu pula in-laws nak bawa Sofeah berjalan ke rumah saudara yang walaupun tak jauh tapi tanpa kehadiran ummi dan ayah dia dia tidak pernah berjalan ke rumah orang lain. Dia pula dah mula kenal orang and sekarang agak sensitif la sebab orang tegur dalam lif pun boleh meraung. Aku suka je dia tak people person sekarang sebab tak ada la dia nak kat orang lain dan men'danger'kan diri sendiri. Biar la dia masuk tadika umur 5-6 tahun nanti baru nak people person sikit. Dia baru 7 bulan.

Then, tak nak bagi bawa dia berjalan tanpa parents dia memang dah tersemat dalam jiwa aku dan isteri so memang tak boleh la. Lagipun aku ni first time father (begitu juga wife adalah first time mother) so kami amat risaukan tentang hal anak ni. Aku rasa nak tinggalkan tu dah susah ni kan nak biar dia berjalan. Aku sanggup hari-hari tinggalkan dia untuk pergi kerja pun sebab aku tahu dia selamat di rumah and bila aku balik dia akan ada di rumah. Tak kira la betapa experience pun si penjaga, bila ia anak aku, aku kalau boleh nak cara aku. Mak aku 5 bulan jaga dia pun agak restricted gak (tak apa mak, bulan depan hantar nurseri dah! hehe).

Eh, cerita dah lari tajuk permulaan. So anyway, majlis berjalan lancar. Details tentang pertunangan tu aku tak boleh nak bagi sangat, tapi yang confirm ialah, wang hantaran agak spiked sikit dari yang dijanjikan mulanya. Tak apalah, itu kehendak pihak wanita. Aku cuma boleh doakan kebahagian mereka.

So inilah gambar-gambar yang sempat aku ambil, edit dan buat apa patut. Actually gambar ni boleh dilihat di flickr aku kalau nak banyak sikit. Ni yang kat atas tu aku bagi satu je, teaser orang panggil.

Flickr aku under set "pertunangan arul-lin" eh. (klik di situ)

Salam!

My Daughter My Model

Since getting my new DSLR camera, I've been trying all sorts of stuff with my pictures. The old techniques I used to use with my SLR doesn't have the same effect in a DSLR. The methods are different, the quality is different, everything feels different.

However, even though I kinda miss using my SLR, my 450D is great. I can really learn a lot. Editing it is a blast and I can try different sorts style.

Best of all, I have my daughter as a model. Full grown human beings are good subjects, but babies are just natural. They act natural and they are always cute anyway. My daughter seems to know when I'm taking a picture - even though I doubt she can comprehend exactly what's going on.

She is now at a great age of discovery. Everything is new to her and everything she does surprises herself. From only being able to turn just last month, two weeks later, she's sitting. Not long after that (about 2 weeks also) she's already crawling. Now she's crawling everywhere and discovering new things.

In a way it makes it easier for us because she doesn't want us to carry her around all the time - like she used to. Now if we lay her down, she'll sit up and crawl anywhere she wants to. If she gets tired, she'll crawl to her Ummi and start crying (I think she's saying, "pick me up, I want milk!").

But the bad part is, she's crawling everywhere and she's not 100% stable so she'll fall once in a while. We have to really keep a look out for her.

In any case, at this ripe old age, taking pictures of her is wonderful. Plus these moments ends so fast I'd wish I'm there to take pictures of her every move - but that would be too much right?

So here are some of her pictures:

That's her gold fish look

She does smile a lot now

More of them can be viewed at my flickr page under the set "My Daughter My Model" (Click). I've also uploaded pictures of her crawling!

Enjoy!