Husbandhood: I Know I Can Be A Jack**$

Every father wishes they can go home everyday from work on time, so that they can spend time with their child(ren). I'm sure there are those who don't care much but I'm not going to bother about them because their heartless attitude deserves no mention here (just mentioned them).

But, every father would also encounter the inevitable - all of us would one day come home a little bit late just in time to put our children to bed, or not even enough time for that.

For me, I've experienced this several time since fatherhood. It's definitely not the greatest feeling in the world. The feeling is especially worst when I see my daughter alone at her nursery (her mother is never at fault for this).

To make matters worst, when I come home late, hungry and tired, I get a little annoyed by everything. I become an instant jackass. Jackass in a cup. A pack of jackass. Jackass and the beanstalk. Jackass and Jill went up the hill...(I can go on for days).

I've never had a good reason to become a jackass. I just am. It happens when I'm tired. It happens when I'm hungry. It happens when I don't get what I want. Sometimes it can even happen when my football team loses. It just happen.

When it happens, then and there, I know I'm a jackass. Any effort trying to control it would be to no avail. I end up blaming everything that moves. My wife gets the brunt of it and I would feel sorry in the end (I'd apologise). But how I wish I can skip the temper tantrum. But it's not like I break stuff, hit my wife or scream at her or anything.

My reaction is psychological. I give her the silent treatment. I do house chores just so that I can start comparing efforts after doing it. I say things that I don't even understand (thanks to law school). I do the shunning. Yes, the shunning.

How I wish I can control myself but I can't. I can, but somehow when it happens, I don't want to. To this I say, sorry wifey, it was't me. It was some crazy guy who comes home every now and then, looking like me, talking like me, but really isn't me, me. You know, it was crazy me. You've met him.

Ignore him for he is crazy. Just as you see that crazy Ramli Sarip look-alike under the flyover in front of the school, ignore me as you do him. Much like you ignore politics, ignore me. You know how the US is trying to stop other countries from being more developed than they are and how most of us wish that our leaders ignore the US and their egotistical ways, yeah do that, ignore. I'll come back to life in like an hour or two, in the meantime, you can always use the internet to search for things on ebay. Remember, ignore me, search ebay.