Sexaayy Photoshoot

Photoshoot bersama Nur Alya Sofeah or nama glamor dia Fea. Dengan gaya bersahaja dan kesanggupan melakukan se'silly' mana pun memek muka, photoshoot ni sememangnya boleh dianggap satu kejayaan.

I must admit, photoshoot begini merupakan pelanggaran prinsipal kerana keasyikan hasil kerja, tapi...

Lokasi kurang menarik, tapi model berpengalaman berjaya 'work her magic'. Terima kasih kepada si model.

gaya slumber

gaya slumber - jarak jauh

gaya 'what the?'

gaya nakal si model

senyuman betul-betul nakal

the 'faraway' look ala-ala model barat

lokasi kurang menarik di beri nafas baru

dari sudut tepi - menampakkan kerusi yg kurang bersih

Di samping itu, Sofeah juga sudah pandai melukis. Gambar-gambar artistik ini sememangnya boleh di jual untuk harga yang mahal, tapi guardian si artis rasa menyimpan hasil kerja ini di rumah lebih baik - for sentimental reasons...agaknya ummi dah buang kot.

camni la gayanya bila dapat inspirasi

SyazwanRahimy Photography

So basically I haven't been updating this blog for quite some time, haven't really found the time or I'm just too lazy.

Instead I've started a new webpage solely for my photography - the kick start to my business. This is the go-to page for my photography services and your photography needs :p

Visit the page at:

http://syazwanrahimy.wordpress.com/

My services cater to all kinds of events, but restricted to within the Klang Valley area or within Selangor, outside of which is subjected to further deliberation. Visit this page and tell your friends :)

Go Back To The Village (Balik Kampung)

It’s been 1 week since the Chinese New Year and though nothing much was done we did go back to Kampung as usual (every CNY). You see, my grandma is a Chinese Muslim and therefore CNY is really important for my family…actually that’s a lie, we didn’t celebrate it at all and never have. In fact, my grandma doesn't even remember her Chinese roots.

So anyway...

Nothing much to tell here, but as they say, pictures tell a thousand words so here are some of the pics of our Kampung trip (as usual, also available at www.flickr.com/photos/wunr):

My grandma's house...actually, no...this is the shed for tools

shelter...main pondok2, apparently

wake up, head straight to the garden

Highlight: trip to the beach. Feels good when you see your daughter smiling gleefully

testing the water

feet stuck, can't move, have to sit down

smiling gleefully

Lowlight: it was damn hot!

the scorching sun...and this is 6.45pm!

Hello!! (doesn’t make sense right? Just felt cyber-screaming it)

Nothing Feels Better Than...

Nothing feels better than having your daughter wait at the door for you once you arrive from a tiring day at work.

Nothing feels better than seeing your daughter smile while she rushes to hug you the moment you enter the house.

Nothing feels better than having your wife greet you with a cordial salam whilst holding a glass of plain water on one hand so that you could quench your thirst.

Nothing feels better than having your wife ask you "how was your day?" when in fact it may not interest her at all.

Nothing feels better than having an unintelligible conversation with your 1 year, 3 months old daughter and imagining her talking about her day and asking you about yours.

It feels great to be where I am in life...

Love this child!!

Technology

Technology is quite advanced now; me, not so much. I realize internet is much like coffee now, we can have it on-the-go. Then there’s TV-HD-3D which is like having the real thing in front of you only that you can’t actually feel it, but it’s very clear. If you’re watching football, having moving images of 22 ball enthusiasts running around isn’t enough, human nature demands we clearly see the sweat drip from these enthusiasts.

Again me, not so much. My hand phone is the old technology of 2007. Yes, very old apparently, I only have mp3 and GPRS. My TV isn’t even functioning well, it crackles and shut off once in a while, by itself. My computer, well my trusted computer died on me 3 days ago. I need to repair my windows for the hundredth time in a year – I was also told my computer’s technology is 5 generations old, which if you calculate in normal time, it is 6 years outdated. If it is human my computer would be 300 years old (1 generation 60 years old or something).

Do I feel obsolete? Sometimes I do. I mean I really do want to upgrade my computer or at least the monitor. Apparently my monitor could give me eye cancer – damn. My phone is still hanging in there, even though sometimes I can’t read any sms. Sure I would like a new TV, one which does not think it is a fly trapper and sounding like it is frying imaginative flies (you have to hear it yourself).

The only thing I can say I’m quite technologically on par with others is my camera. But that’s only in par with others who does not have that much money laa. If I compare to those who are rich enough to have a Mark D 5II or a 90D or something more advanced then my camera is pretty weak. Which actually mean I’m not really on par la kan? damn.

Actually I’m not that bothered by it but it is nice if I can have at least one thing which is in par with others. Right now the problem is finance (as with anything) but, is it that necessary? I haven’t had internet at home for 3 days, haven’t used internet at home for 2 weeks prior to that, have not logged in to Facebook for a month, have never had a Twitter account, have been watching TV satisfyingly with the crackler, yesterday my phone was turned off for the whole day because I forgot to charge it but I survived the day pretty well.

I can honestly say I’m doing okay with what I have. So it’s not that necessary. It’s just nice.

Where To Find A Caucasian Baby for Adoption?

Thinking of getting myself a white baby. Sounds a bit off. Let me start again; I discussed with my wife the other day and talked gibberish as usual, but came up with an idea; adoption.

It's cool, it's trendy and all the celebrities are doing. I've not followed any trend since I was 14 (wanted baggy pants so bad) so why not follow one now, right? And why not follow ones which are beneficial to the whole global community, right?

I mean if I get a golden tooth then that's just beneficial to me - if I don't have enough cash on me and left my credit card at home whilst purchasing an oven why not chuck off my front tooth. Also, if I start wearing blingies or bling bling thingy (jeweleries to those less trendy), well that would just weigh me down and distract people from actually noticing my trendy hairdo (the Robert Pattison skate ramp style).

So why not do some good and adopt a Caucasian American baby. Why Caucasian American? Well contrary to popular belief (and slightly off the trend) adopting orphan babies from the US is actually just as charitable as adopting babies from let's say Asia or Africa. First of all I'm Asian so adopting an Asian baby is not trendy (you don't see Madonna and Jolie adopting an American now do you?). Africa, might be a suitable baby adopting site but for the already many Africans here in my country, so it's not eccentric in nature (again following trends).

Furthermore, orphans in the US have it tough. Sure those lucky enough babies might get adopted by an okay American normal family (boring, not glamorous) but what about those who are not adopted? The US is in quite a pickle these days because of the state of their economy, known fact. Their healthcare is disappointing (no money, no insurance no health) and the gap between the rich and the poor there is appalling (much like in Malaysia but their economy is really bad and these babies would most likely be made an army and be made to fight ridiculous wars).

Aren't those good enough reasons to adopt their babies? Plus wouldn't be cool to have a Caucasian baby? I mean my child would be Caucasian. When he/she grows up looking like Rachel McAdams or Brad Pitt and coming to me asking, "Dad am I adopted?" I can be like, "sure you are son/sweety, hence your complexion, your blue eyes, your blond hair, your height, your built, slight freckles here and there and you know, the fact that you're not bin Mohd Syazwan (bin Abdullah of course)...Oo Razif/Fatimah (I'll come up with better names), you're funny aren't you". Won't that be cool?

Won't it be cooler if my adopted child cannot speak good English and would be like, "Ayah, adik nak mamam" but looking all Caucasian. When I go to the mall and my Caucasian child would be like, "nak ice cream", I'll say "tak nak makan ice cream ye sayang, nanti sakit gigi" and he/she will scream her lungs out, "nak! nak! nak! tak nak friend you!". People will be looking with eyes wide open and gasping at the scene of such pecularity.

Caucasians can raise us Asians looking all normal and such, why should it be different for us? I've seen mixed parentage where the mum's Chinese and the dad's Caucasian and the son is moulded in the same form as the dad but still there's a resemblance of the mum. That's not what I'm looking for. I'm looking for a really white kid with blue eyes, blond hair and no resemblance of us Asians, at all.
Fuyoo! (amazed at the idea)
*this is just imaginary and I doubt it'll happen, but if it does, then I would do justice to the Americans and raise him/her by letting him/her eat mostly fast foods and let him/her watch a lot of TV. This entry is not racist now is it? I'm slightly confused by what's racist and what's not nowadays.

Nothing Much

Being 24 (25 this end of year) and surrounded by people of more or less the same age talks during lunchtime would usually revolve around marriage, money and work. So it is only normal that our conversation during lunch yesterday was about work then it moved on to money and ended up in the marriage area. This, of course is a natural flow of things – work is hell and they don’t pay us enough to satisfy our needs which includes the need to get hitched.

When asked by one of my colleague/friend how does it feel like being married? Is it that great? My automated brain response would say “damn sure it is!”. Of course my brain responded like so because that’s how I genuinely feel.

The expected follow-up question ensued - what’s so great about being married? How is it better than being single?

With a face so smug a bulldog would be proud of it, I answered, “Because it is. I am more calm, relaxed and life becomes a lot more fun in an acceptable pace”. How is that so? Well, though life is not as fast paced as when you’re single and ready to mingle, or if you’re attached to someone (boyfriend/girlfriend), ready to canoodle (not sure either), life takes its course beautifully, well-structured and with a certain raison d'être (for your every movement).

Indeed that’s what I really think of marriage. Everything you do after marriage is for a reason – nothing is wasted for the sake enjoyment and such. E.g. you go out for a movie with your wife to strengthen the bond of marriage and relationship, you go for a movie when you’re single/with girlfriend you don’t really get anything in return but for enjoyment. You buy things that you deem useful and you think long term, but if you’re single unless you do actually think long term then what you buy may not be of use when you’re married – you might think buying a sports car is great now but when you’re married, have children and don’t have enough money to buy a second car, you might regret not thinking twice.

I conclude by saying, yes life gets peaceful and meaningful.

But now that I have time to really think things out. I do believe in everything I said during the whole conversation, but about life being a bit more relaxed and slow-paced, I do have second thoughts. Life is extremely hectic after marriage in actuality. Remembering my first year of marriage, I didn’t relaxed one bit. If my body had time to relax my mind would not be so fortunate.

The second year is no snail either. With the involvement of a little kid in my life, it has definitely spurred things to greater pace. I can think of 1-2 weeks which I actually rested well enough but most days are tiring – work, kid and house chores.

So yeah, life is great after marriage but it’s definitely not slow. Heck, I take it back. Life is turbulent after marriage and I could only presume that this would go on till I retire - at which point I imagine life would be at it’s most relaxing; frequent visit to coffee shops, more time for photography, travelling would not be burdened by lack of leave left for the year, money to slowly burn till I die (having saved enough for the kids)...man, 35 years to go...

Poo! (grumpy young man)

Faris' Snip Snip and I'm Not Single

Interesting stuff to day (to me at least). Went to Faris' cukur jambul - that cute little boy got the snip-snip. In case you're wondering, Faris is Anis and Matt's little warrior child (hope I got this right Matt).

the little warrior during raya, at our place (matt bearhugging the child and anis at the back there)

So anyway, we were among the first to arrive and upon arrival the little warrior was still fast asleep. Nothing interesting there.

So as promised, Anis gave Sofeah her birthday present. Belated, because our chance of meeting is rather slim - but very much appreciated nonetheless. The present; a sing-a-long pop up book which Sofeah loves. Sofeah by the by, loves book. She also loves music. Her favourite cartoon is the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. Sufficed to say, this is the perfect gift for her. Thanks Anis and Matt! (and Faris as well I suppose?)


There's another thing which I have to thank Anis and Matt for today. Among her invited guest at the snip-snip ceremony today was Lisa Surihani. If you recall (of course you don't) in 2008 I wrote an entry which mentioned her movie "I'm not single" and said I quite fancy her to which Anis commented that she's like a sister to her - again wife is cool about this.

Gadis TV - file picture of her which i took. that's a lie. wonder if she's up for an outdoor photoshoot eh? would boost my portfolio tenfold...huu~

So yeah, she was there looking all Lisa Surihani like. She's as cute as she is on TV but I didn't really take a good look at her because I am a very bashful guy (lalaa~). And of course all celebrity has this glow - my theory: radiation from too many lights being on them during shooting. A nice and friendly girl I must say and very fond of little kids. She quite fancy my daughter and finds Sofeah rather sweet. I'm sure I need not say where Sofeah got that fine quality from Lisa...hihi.

So thanks again Anis and Matt for an interesting day (the food, the gift, the fanciful meeting). By the way say hi to her when you get the chance ;-)

Toodles! (common word)

My New Toy

Recently I've been blessed with extra income and so I thought why not buy me something worthwhile - you know after working so hard (slacking off only 49% of the time) throughout the year.

Bought me a new lens, a Canon EF-S 55-250 f4-5.6 IS. Yup, slightly telephoto-y but it's a canon. Got it for a good price as well - note to all photogs out there, visit the DSLR store at Subang Parade, it's worth the visit.

Before this I've only been using a kit lens as well as my un-trusty Tamron 28-200mm which I bought 2nd hand. The lens work okay still but being 3rd party it's slow and because it's quite old, the image would come out misty - fungi problem. Hmm should I sell it?

So anyway, didn't have time to really test it until this morning when my wife brought my kid to the park. So here are some of the result:

cranky little people

sleepy on the swing

blue swings

massaging her feet (another version here: flickr)

mum's turn

the slide isn't as fun when you're sleepy

I like the lens and quite like the result. Can't wait to test the thing at an official event. But being telephoto-y it's not easy to find the right event.

Hollinggaa!! (meaning, great - according to my wife's dictionary)

2010: The Year of the Chilla!

It is almost the start of the new year with only tomorrow being the last of 2009. Much happened in this past year that I don’t actually know which part to write on. In fact, my mind is so full of 2009 happenings that it is a whirlwind of insurmountable blurriness. I can’t share a single story of 2009.

Why should I discuss 2009 anyway right? We have 2010 to look forward to!

But before that; yesterday was me and wifey’s 2^nd year anniversary and I would like to write a few words on it. I know we didn’t actually remember our anniversary this year until about 7pm yesterday when it suddenly struck me like a fish straight from the ice box in the wet market (I’m not sure what this means but that’s what I think of it) but nevertheless, a 2^nd year of marriage for me has seen us strengthen the bond that we created only 2 years prior (hence 2^nd year anniversary). I foresee this marriage going nowhere but up from here on end.

That’s all, no sentimental, romantic thoughts on it. Saving it for a very special day some time early next year.

So 2010! What do I look forward to the most? Well I’m actually looking forward to a very prosperous year filled with activities. Yes, next year won’t be like 2009 where life was bogged down by tormenting work experience, inability to travel around much due to our love for our incompetent newborn child (all newborn child are incompetent so this does not mean I degraded my own child), having to relocate ourselves so that life would be much easier with more money in the pocket, using our non-existing money to buy essential things only to accumulate debts (which thankfully I’ve cleared...phew!) and trying to actually settle down after a tornado-like 2008.

For 2010 I’m looking forward to, first of all, staying clear of financial ruins. Finance is part and parcel of everyday life, more so for young married couple with a child and nothing to begin with. So, having gone through 2009 with careful financial planning and precision implementation of financial policy, 2010 should be an easier year financially. Doesn’t mean we would be splurging our money (next big aim is a family car and a comfortable house) but access to our little family fund would be slightly more lenient this coming year.

Next would be work. At the moment I’ve found my forte, so to speak. Not only is it something I can do but it is also something which I can enjoy (75% of the time). Anyone can tell you that if you can do something which you enjoy even 51% of the time, then that’s a good enough job for you. So, in 2010, I look forward to continuing what I’m doing now whether it is in the same organization or moving up in the world at another organization. I’m not actively looking elsewhere, but if the opportunity arises, I won’t not consider it. By the way, I’m doing Corporate Affairs/ Communication work (in case head hunters happen to read my blog).

Also in 2010, I’m actually looking forward to my child talking and behaving more like a little kid. Right now things are great with her, but sometimes not knowing what she wants can be a little bit frustrating. In my mind, I see her drawing, reading books, building things and having proper conversation with us in 2010. She’s already doing all that right now, but without any real skill or understanding.

Since 2008 is about building a new life just the 2 of us, moving in to a new home together and 2009 is about getting a new car and other essentials, 2010 might not be as grand or monumental in our life’s brief history. Thus, it should be less of a worry and a lot more fun. We are planning to go on a family trip to perhaps Melaka and visit our kampong more (doubt it really). We might also have more family outings and have occasional night out at slightly pricey and yet affordable restaurants.

In 2010 also, I’m looking forward to dive into photography a bit more. I’m thankful for the fact that I had extra income this end of year to purchase some camera equipment for my beloved Brooke II (my camera). More promoting is needed I know but I’m too lazy. But that’s 2009. I’ve gained more experience throughout 2009 and 2010 would be a great year to kick things off.

Wah already too long an entry. By the way, these are not resolutions or anything. It’s just what I envision for 2010. With resolution there’s more pressure to actually do it all. But envisioning is already seeing it happen (I know a load of crap, but save myself my own sorrowful pity if I don’t get to do what I want for 2010).

Who knows 2010 may also offspring a few surprises from the oven...wait, what does that mean? And why did I use the word 'offspring'? ahak...ahak...

Chilla!!!!! (someone used this on Facebook and I thought it’s nice way to end my entries from now on...annoying I know)

Gadis Armada

I have the coolest wife ever! First of all, this entry is not about my infidelity or any impure thoughts whatsoever. So if you do manage to plough through this entry and have second thoughts about my loyalty, then that's entirely up to you. But rest assured, I'm not thinking of doubling my expenses any time soon (or ever), if you know what I mean.

Okay back to "I have the coolest wife ever!". I recently went to a training course for something, you know, related to my work. The training was held at Armada Hotel, PJ. I won't mention anything about the course because, well it's insignificant to this entry. In fact that whole sentence was insignificant because I can just not write the whole "I won't mention...blah blah" and people still wouldn't question what the training was all about because it has no bearing on my entry at all.

So anyway.

The great thing about going through all these training is that, even though it's expensive I don't have to pay for it. But then I get all the perks like gaining knowledge, making contacts, lunch, tea breaks, refreshments, off from work, hotel food, hotel mini pizzas and hotel buffet...good stuff.

However, something unxpected came my way during lunchtime, another plus side to the whole training. A very cute lady, a worker at the hotel, showed me to my seat for lunch. She wore a christmas outfit, she's either santa's helper or santa's wife, not so sure. Does Santa's wife wear the same outfit as Santa's helper? If yes then why is it that Santa get to wear really warm clothings and yet his helper/wife wear loose outfits out in the cold?

So, this girl right, she was cute. Really fair, nice biddy eyes, cute smile with an imperfect teeth - sometimes imperfection is attractive.

I texted my wife and told her of this cutie which I refer to as Gadis Armada. She texted back with the following: "ha pi la ngorat, tgk la die layan ke x awk 2". Wuhuu~! Of course I didn't have the guts nor the utmost desire to go for it (note: utmost).

I know she said what she said mainly because she knows I'm not up for it. But even if I did walk up to this cute lady and say a few words I know for a fact, my wife wouldn't mind. She has already given me the go-ahead to marry another and she knows that I'm writing this blog entry (of course she thinks I'm focussing it on Gadis Armada, hence the misleading title - to mislead her).

I won't hurt my wife's feeling over another lady of course. But it's nice to know that my wife trusts me in addition to the love that she has already poured on me.

Going back to Gadis Armada. If you do read blogs and happen to come across this one. I'm one of the many hotel guests that ate at the cafe. I'm about 5'7, skinny and kind of fair. I was there the past 2 days. You glanced at me a couple of times because I stared at you constantly. Do drop a comment and we'll see where we go from there.

Hihihi...wah tomyam for dinner. Thanks wifey!

Television

I've been observing, over the past few days, on the effects of television in our daily lives. Television or TV or tele or magic box, to some, is perhaps the greatest invention since sliced bread. Some internet/computer freaks and/or geeks might defer but let's just ignore that for a moment.

Like my friend said, you surf the net, but the TV is blaring nonsense at the back. When I go to restaurants, I observed that those who go out on a date or go out with a bunch of friends, if the restaurant has TV (which all restaurants now have apparently), their view would at one time or another focus on the TV. Weird but that's what's happening at the moment. TV = life.

For me, TV has always been my companion since childhood. I don't have brothers and sisters to play with so the TV kept me company. This is lie as I have 3 brothers and 1 sister. And this para is just a waste of space.

Moving on...

Back when I was in school, be it primary or secondary, TV have always been the focal point in my life. It goes; wake up in the morning, turn on the TV. Arrive home from school, TV is on, so I'd casually sit or lie down in front of it. Go out in the evening for some healthy activity, play football and what not whilst discussing shows that we liked or disliked (depending on the level of gayness*) and then as I reach home with sweats still dripping off my forehead and mud stuck between the nails, I would turn on the TV for a warm-down. That's life back then.

*gayness = everything in this world can relate back to your degree of gayness (personal opinion)

In University, not so much TV. Not that I didn't want to watch it, but, I just can't. But then downloading TV shows and movies became common, thankfully, and therefore TV watching became possible via computer (1 point for the computer geeks ~clap clap~).

Now that I'm working, TV is just a night activity to water down the effects of work. But then I realised, by me watching TV whenever I'm with my child (i.e. everytime I got home from work) I'm giving my child no choice but to watch TV.

Sure there are other activities which I still do with my child like reading books, go to the playground, sing and dance with her but for majority of the time, the TV would be on. Is this something I want her to be comfortable with? To have the TV on all the time? Is this good for her? That's when an article in The Sun came along and sure enough, research shows TV can't be good for a child, especially ones who are below the age of 2 years.

Read this article last week, came home from work and decided, okay no more TV for Sofeah (at least not on weekdays). See, when we let Sofeah watch TV, it is because initially we wanted to distract her while me and the wife can run errands and do some house chores. So in a way we force her to watch TV to ease our own burden. This is understandable, of course, because we are 3 people in a house and we need to do things for ourselves and for the house without having our daughter in the way.

But is that a good reason to let her watch TV? Initially we thought, of course it is. But now that I've brought sense and logic into the argument...not really.

After making the decision to halt TV watching things got a little bit hard on Sofeah. She can't take it. For 2 days she acted a little bit like a brat (sorry to say but quite unpleasant), kicking and screaming wanting to watch the TV. We stuck by our decision and did other activities with her to try to distract her away from the TV. Of course her focus would eventually veer towards the television and at which point she would cry. But we remained steadfast (I wanted to turn on the TV so badly).

That happened for 2 days straight. It did not help that she was recovering from a fever as well when we made the decision.

But on the third day, everything was calmer. She was ready to try other activities. Reading books to her became easier and she explores the world around her more. She starts playing with everything around her and try out different things as well (which can only be good). Even at restaurants and other places she's now behaving better and listens to us more. She's not as aggressive.

The way I see it, the less TV watching, the more we can interact with her. The more activities we do with her hands on. She gets to explore new things more rather than sitting quietly in front of the TV with eyes fixated on colorful objects and not really understanding what's going on. TV might well be good for her one day but now is probably not the time.

I know full well that in some cases we can't avoid letting our kids or ourselves watch TV. There are a lot to learn from watching TV shows (discovery channels, informative TV shows, educational cartoon series) but these are all things which I think we can gather from the world around us. Why the need to let some cartoon animals and purple dinosaurs teach our children to read and write or be good and be nice? Can't we teach them the same?

Similarly for us adults. I feel that sometimes we're missing out on the good things in life by submitting ourselves to moving images on the magic box. Friendly chatters at our favourite hangouts are taken over by status updating on facebooks and twitters. Book reading are substituted by TV watching.

I myself haven't read a book for quite awhile. Need to change that. [abrupt end to this entry]

Good luck to me

I've not written for so long. Hate myself for that. One of my passion in life is to write but where has that gone? I've lost my passion for music as well. I've not written a song for so long and have hardly touched my guitar.

All of this isn't so bad. I can do without playing guitar every other hour like I used to. I can do without writing songs, blog entries, letters to the media like I used to. But what I don't want to lose is my passion.

I don't want to miss out on missing doing all those things.

At the moment though, I really do miss it. I blame myself for it. Why am I not as passionate about all those little things in life anymore? Woody Harrelson said in Zombieland, "you gotta love the little things". Sometimes it takes a crazy character from a wacky movie to make you realise all these things.

So I'm trying to make a comeback. I'm setting a target for myself.

Work life is killing me. I find no joy in my work. I can't find any reason why I should look forward to working 5 days a week. Work life is killing my passion. But I'm not going to blame my work for what I've lost. It's part of life and I'm not the only one whose passion is starting to wither away.

I'm determined though, to fix this.

Good luck to me.

Movie about Sofeah's First Year

My daughter's first year in video...with my favourite song as theme

Husbandhood: I Know I Can Be A Jack**$

Every father wishes they can go home everyday from work on time, so that they can spend time with their child(ren). I'm sure there are those who don't care much but I'm not going to bother about them because their heartless attitude deserves no mention here (just mentioned them).

But, every father would also encounter the inevitable - all of us would one day come home a little bit late just in time to put our children to bed, or not even enough time for that.

For me, I've experienced this several time since fatherhood. It's definitely not the greatest feeling in the world. The feeling is especially worst when I see my daughter alone at her nursery (her mother is never at fault for this).

To make matters worst, when I come home late, hungry and tired, I get a little annoyed by everything. I become an instant jackass. Jackass in a cup. A pack of jackass. Jackass and the beanstalk. Jackass and Jill went up the hill...(I can go on for days).

I've never had a good reason to become a jackass. I just am. It happens when I'm tired. It happens when I'm hungry. It happens when I don't get what I want. Sometimes it can even happen when my football team loses. It just happen.

When it happens, then and there, I know I'm a jackass. Any effort trying to control it would be to no avail. I end up blaming everything that moves. My wife gets the brunt of it and I would feel sorry in the end (I'd apologise). But how I wish I can skip the temper tantrum. But it's not like I break stuff, hit my wife or scream at her or anything.

My reaction is psychological. I give her the silent treatment. I do house chores just so that I can start comparing efforts after doing it. I say things that I don't even understand (thanks to law school). I do the shunning. Yes, the shunning.

How I wish I can control myself but I can't. I can, but somehow when it happens, I don't want to. To this I say, sorry wifey, it was't me. It was some crazy guy who comes home every now and then, looking like me, talking like me, but really isn't me, me. You know, it was crazy me. You've met him.

Ignore him for he is crazy. Just as you see that crazy Ramli Sarip look-alike under the flyover in front of the school, ignore me as you do him. Much like you ignore politics, ignore me. You know how the US is trying to stop other countries from being more developed than they are and how most of us wish that our leaders ignore the US and their egotistical ways, yeah do that, ignore. I'll come back to life in like an hour or two, in the meantime, you can always use the internet to search for things on ebay. Remember, ignore me, search ebay.

Fatherhood: Pre-Fatherhood and My First 11 Months

The plan was clear since day one. I really wanted to be one and after a brief period of uncertainty and doubt, the news crept in my dubious mind like a divine revelation. Looking back at to that fateful day I couldn’t have reacted better – a gleeful smile is probably the most appropriate. Of course jumping wasn’t an option in a room full of people.

Looking back, should I have doubted myself? Who said I can’t possibly have a child at such a young age? Who said I can’t possibly take care of a young family? Who said things would be hard and somehow I would regret things later? No one did. These were just doubts. After hearing the news, I was happy. No more doubt. Hungry though, had a light lunch.

9 months after that revelation, the same unwelcomed questions came to mind the moment I carried her. Why am I doubting myself? It has already been done. I can’t turn back time. She’s there. She’s not going anywhere without me. She’s next to my darling wife. It took a lot of my wife’s energy bringing her out to the world. She already looks so cozy next to her mother. She’s so cute, must take it from me.

I know being a father has its ups and downs. Being a father is not exactly the problem though, being a young man with a big responsibility is. People sometimes do not believe that we are capable of having a child to raise on our own. But the element of surprise has never deterred people from watching sports before. Why it should it deter me and my wife from being independent parents? Why am I comparing sports with my daughter?

I’m new to this world and so is my child. Sure we’re not in the same bracket when it comes to being “new”, but both of us need each other – she needs me to take care of her, I need her for encouragement. I just started this thing called a “career”; I don’t earn that much and I live in a city that struggles as much as I do to take away my money – of course I struggle to earn it – how am I going to afford this? Hmm maybe I’ll splurge on new clothing this month, I can always start saving next month.

Can’t believe 11 months has passed without me and my wife having any trouble taking care of our daughter’s needs and at the same time our own needs. Of course I’m not saying no trouble at all, but financially, physically, mentally, we are still damn fit. Thank Allah my wife is down to earth cool. Sure we want the best for our daughter. We buy her products of the highest quality and the best brands! She’s our first child! Even if it is second hand items. We know where we stand in reality. We can’t afford the best, we buy the best second hand.

It’s great having a daughter. Look at her, so cute and adorable. Which human being wouldn’t want one? 11 months have passed by so quickly. This little girl can’t even carry her head up just 11 months ago. Now she’s carrying sardine cans for fun (then dropping it on her toes and crying her lungs out). I must say, I sure have got the best of the bunch. Smart, cute, obedient, active but at the same time well behaved. Can’t ask for a better child – wouldn’t all parents say the same thing?

I know I haven’t been the best of husband, the best of son or the best of friend, but I sure do make a good father. That’s only because I have the best daughter. Here’s looking forward to another 100 years of being a father to Nur Alya Sofeah - if we survive that long. Happy 1^st birthday my daughter! (of course her birthday is not until the 30^th of October but I’m way too excited)

Fea's Progress - Dia Dah Berjalan

Hari ni Sofeah officially boleh berjalan dah...hoho!

Dia dah lama berjalan 2-3 tapak tapi hari ni dia berjaya jalan 10 tapak and more! ho-yeh!! Haha

So kira umur dia 10 bulan la dia boleh berjalan. Ikut kata mak saya patut the moment dia pandai menapak dah kira official, but dengan Sofeah ni kena la aim high sikit. hehe.

sofaeh memang kuat senyum and happy go lucky

Dah lama tak buat entry berkenaan Sofeah and maknya pula busy bagai langsung tak update blog dah berbulan lamanya. Okay kesian juga kat mak dia sebab kerja agak busy and hectic...rupanya mengajar ni bagi orang yang baru agak hebat cabarannya.

berdiri memakai swimming suit

So anyway, apart from Sofeah dah boleh berjalan banyak lagi dia dah boleh buat. Dulu dia boleh lambai tapi dia buat kadang-kadang je sebab dia penyegan (or sombong, depends). Sekarang dia lambai setiap kali someone balik or dia sendiri nak beransur pulang.

Dia juga gemar menepuk tangan setiap kali lagu (tak kira lagu apa) didendangkan. Lagu paling dia minat ialah "tepuk-tepuk amai" yang biasa dinyanyikan oleh umminya.

Sofeah juga suka swimming. Dulu masa kami duduk di Condo kami (sebelum pindah 2 minggu lepas) ada swimming pool so on the weekends kami bawalah dia turun untuk swim. Happy dia. Dia memang suka mandi pagi dan petang tapi bila swimming tu dia extra excited (of course baby kan, sama je semua).

fea's first swim

Sofeah ni despite being cute (tak kira!!) dia juga sangatlah garang. Bila dia garang? Bila kata nak babab dia, dia pun tunjuk motion nak babab balik. Dia juga suka marah binatang (so far kucing dan anjing mangsanya). Bila dengan binatang je dia akan buat bunyi, "haish!" dan "uumpphh!!" lepas tu dia akan angkat tangan dia cam nak babab. Lepas tu muka garang dia (memang comel) sangat apparent in her eyes bila dia dah start.

Sekarang Sofeah a little bit underweight tapi sebagai one half of her parents, saya tak kisah sangat. Sebabnya, dia sangatlah aktif, dia juga sangatlah sihat dan genetically, logic jugalah kan - ayah dan ummi dia tak lah besar sangat. Lagipun dia makan banyak je (apart from her meal time dia juga akan cuit makanan kami apabila kami makan).

Sofeah memang progress dengan baik. Mesti bijak bila dah tua (scientist in the making...hehe).

Ummi and Sofeah sharing a light moment together

When People Question Our Parenting Skills

Wife and I went to the parenthood expo yesterday to check out some stuff, you know, for the wife. We went there with hope of finding this lactating pill thingy and we found them easily. We decided to go back home since my mum’s taking care of Sofeah so we want to get things done quickly and go back.

We walked around for a bit and I texted my friend - who was expecting a baby in November - to inform him about the expo. He was there at the time. I decided to go back and search for him, just to see his wife’s progress and to talk to him a bit. We entered the expo for the second time (have to go through health check all over again) – big mistake.

The moment we entered the place a man courted us and we were suddenly dragged to the side of this booth selling what look like books for kids – but there were other stuffs there too. They offered us seats and this one woman started to sit in front of us.

I thought to myself “damn, a saleswoman trying to sell us things that we know is very useful but won’t buy as yet”. But being a diplomatic and reasonable person I listened( I don’t know how to get myself out of things like these). She showed us activity books which we can use to teach Sofeah and other playcards and stuff for her early childhood education. Though I’m very interested in all those things I’m afraid RM2000 for the whole set is a bit much – even if I can pay in installments.

Then I was made to feel guilty for not investing in my child’s education. When the saleswoman suggested that I’m not placing my child’s education as priority and not willing to sacrifice for her education's sake, the saleswoman has crossed the line – a very thin line I might add.

Sure I spent more for a DSLR camera (also by installments), but I’ve been longing for one since my university days and I can’t be at fault for wanting to capture my family’s most precious moments in still images since moments can be lost forever. Plus if I play my cards right I can make extra income for my family with a camera.

Sure I did thought about this when she went on and rambled about how parents are more willing to put money in insurance instead of education and that, according to her, should not be the case. I argued what if the father dies the next day (as anyone can die at any time), wouldn’t insurance coverage help at that particular time? To be honest I don’t have an insurance for my child and wife but I’m just arguing for argument’s sake since this saleswoman has started to get on my nerves.

I agree wholeheartedly that education is the most important thing– even at our adult age education is still important. I have never defied that fact when arguing with her but when she inadvertently suggested that I’m not doing enough for my child’s education, because I do not invest in her company’s product, that’s just stoking the fire – she really needs to choose her words carefully.

Does she know me personally? Does she know how I educate my child or whether or not I have been educating my child? Does she know my plans for my child? I can’t take ignorant people who are willing to insult me and my wife’s parenting skills just because we didn’t want to buy her company’s product – because we hardly have money at the moment and to pay RM200 as downpayment would be too much since I only have Rm19 in my bank account at the moment and my wife only has Rm50 in her main bank account.

She may not be intentional in saying things as she did but it is not an excuse since it is her job anyway. We parents can be ultra sensitive when it comes to people questioning our parenting skills/efforts/initiatives and she’s supposed to know that, doing what she does. Since it’s Ramadhan I really tried to keep my cool, but I have limits as well – especially when she keeps on implying that I’m not educating my child enough.

I told her off, “you’re insulting us” and I asked her whether she has a family of her own and all. She retorted that she has a husband and a kid as well. So I told her that then she should understand how we young working families are. I started from scratch and having recently moved to a new house (renting) financially we’re quite weak at the moment. She then said something baffling, “at least you’re both here, my husband’s at home and I’m here working”. What has that got to do with anything? Me and my wife are working too and it just so happen you have to work on that particular Sunday. My wife works 6 days a week and I sometimes work outstation as well. But again, what has that got to do with anything?

She doesn’t seem to understand anything I’m saying and ‘diss’ed me and my wife again with her, if you don’t take the initiative to educate your children now then when are you going to actually do it? We have been educating our child since she was in my wife’s belly. Everyday we talk to her and explain to her things. It’s not as if your book and your playcards are the only thing which can stimulate my child’s brains. If that’s the case then I’m surprised that I’m even writing this entry because I certainly didn’t receive those types of education when I was 9 months old - neither did my parents.

I agree that the company’s product looks good but to be honest it’s no different than any Rm25 book that I can get at some cheap used book store and the playcards and information book is something that I can print out of the internet - It won’t be a hard cover but I can still bind/laminate and make them look as nice and it would cost 10 times less expensive at that.

Sure I probably won’t do it; but if I'm determined to spend Rm2000 on those products, I’d rather put more effort at making it myself and spend the Rm1500 on things which I can’t create myself - also for my child. Plus education doesn’t have to be about having the right product, it is about having the right approach. In which case, I’ll take my chances of not buying your product, thank you.

I now officially hate salesman (woman).