SyazwanRahimy

Sexaayy Photoshoot

2010-05-22T20:59:00.006+08:00

Photoshoot bersama Nur Alya Sofeah or nama glamor dia Fea. Dengan gaya bersahaja dan kesanggupan melakukan se'silly' mana pun memek muka, photoshoot ni sememangnya boleh dianggap satu kejayaan.

I must admit, photoshoot begini merupakan pelanggaran prinsipal kerana keasyikan hasil kerja, tapi...

Lokasi kurang menarik, tapi model berpengalaman berjaya 'work her magic'. Terima kasih kepada si model.

gaya slumber

gaya slumber - jarak jauh

gaya 'what the?'

gaya nakal si model

senyuman betul-betul nakal

the 'faraway' look ala-ala model barat

lokasi kurang menarik di beri nafas baru

dari sudut tepi - menampakkan kerusi yg kurang bersih

Di samping itu, Sofeah juga sudah pandai melukis. Gambar-gambar artistik ini sememangnya boleh di jual untuk harga yang mahal, tapi guardian si artis rasa menyimpan hasil kerja ini di rumah lebih baik - for sentimental reasons...agaknya ummi dah buang kot.

camni la gayanya bila dapat inspirasi

SyazwanRahimy Photography

2010-05-15T09:21:00.006+08:00

So basically I haven't been updating this blog for quite some time, haven't really found the time or I'm just too lazy.

Instead I've started a new webpage solely for my photography - the kick start to my business. This is the go-to page for my photography services and your photography needs :p

Visit the page at:

http://syazwanrahimy.wordpress.com/

My services cater to all kinds of events, but restricted to within the Klang Valley area or within Selangor, outside of which is subjected to further deliberation. Visit this page and tell your friends :)

Go Back To The Village (Balik Kampung)

2010-02-25T07:11:00.005+08:00

It’s been 1 week since the Chinese New Year and though nothing much was done we did go back to Kampung as usual (every CNY). You see, my grandma is a Chinese Muslim and therefore CNY is really important for my family…actually that’s a lie, we didn’t celebrate it at all and never have. In fact, my grandma doesn't even remember her Chinese roots.

So anyway...

Nothing much to tell here, but as they say, pictures tell a thousand words so here are some of the pics of our Kampung trip (as usual, also available at www.flickr.com/photos/wunr):

My grandma's house...actually, no...this is the shed for tools

shelter...main pondok2, apparently

wake up, head straight to the garden

Highlight: trip to the beach. Feels good when you see your daughter smiling gleefully

testing the water

feet stuck, can't move, have to sit down

smiling gleefully

Lowlight: it was damn hot!

the scorching sun...and this is 6.45pm!

Hello!! (doesn’t make sense right? Just felt cyber-screaming it)

Nothing Feels Better Than...

2010-02-05T21:05:00.003+08:00

Nothing feels better than having your daughter wait at the door for you once you arrive from a tiring day at work.

Nothing feels better than seeing your daughter smile while she rushes to hug you the moment you enter the house.

Nothing feels better than having your wife greet you with a cordial salam whilst holding a glass of plain water on one hand so that you could quench your thirst.

Nothing feels better than having your wife ask you "how was your day?" when in fact it may not interest her at all.

Nothing feels better than having an unintelligible conversation with your 1 year, 3 months old daughter and imagining her talking about her day and asking you about yours.

It feels great to be where I am in life...

Love this child!!

Technology

2010-01-26T18:52:00.001+08:00

Technology is quite advanced now; me, not so much. I realize internet is much like coffee now, we can have it on-the-go. Then there’s TV-HD-3D which is like having the real thing in front of you only that you can’t actually feel it, but it’s very clear. If you’re watching football, having moving images of 22 ball enthusiasts running around isn’t enough, human nature demands we clearly see the sweat drip from these enthusiasts.

Again me, not so much. My hand phone is the old technology of 2007. Yes, very old apparently, I only have mp3 and GPRS. My TV isn’t even functioning well, it crackles and shut off once in a while, by itself. My computer, well my trusted computer died on me 3 days ago. I need to repair my windows for the hundredth time in a year – I was also told my computer’s technology is 5 generations old, which if you calculate in normal time, it is 6 years outdated. If it is human my computer would be 300 years old (1 generation 60 years old or something).

Do I feel obsolete? Sometimes I do. I mean I really do want to upgrade my computer or at least the monitor. Apparently my monitor could give me eye cancer – damn. My phone is still hanging in there, even though sometimes I can’t read any sms. Sure I would like a new TV, one which does not think it is a fly trapper and sounding like it is frying imaginative flies (you have to hear it yourself).

The only thing I can say I’m quite technologically on par with others is my camera. But that’s only in par with others who does not have that much money laa. If I compare to those who are rich enough to have a Mark D 5II or a 90D or something more advanced then my camera is pretty weak. Which actually mean I’m not really on par la kan? damn.

Actually I’m not that bothered by it but it is nice if I can have at least one thing which is in par with others. Right now the problem is finance (as with anything) but, is it that necessary? I haven’t had internet at home for 3 days, haven’t used internet at home for 2 weeks prior to that, have not logged in to Facebook for a month, have never had a Twitter account, have been watching TV satisfyingly with the crackler, yesterday my phone was turned off for the whole day because I forgot to charge it but I survived the day pretty well.

I can honestly say I’m doing okay with what I have. So it’s not that necessary. It’s just nice.

Where To Find A Caucasian Baby for Adoption?

2010-01-09T09:45:00.006+08:00

Thinking of getting myself a white baby. Sounds a bit off. Let me start again; I discussed with my wife the other day and talked gibberish as usual, but came up with an idea; adoption.

It's cool, it's trendy and all the celebrities are doing. I've not followed any trend since I was 14 (wanted baggy pants so bad) so why not follow one now, right? And why not follow ones which are beneficial to the whole global community, right?

I mean if I get a golden tooth then that's just beneficial to me - if I don't have enough cash on me and left my credit card at home whilst purchasing an oven why not chuck off my front tooth. Also, if I start wearing blingies or bling bling thingy (jeweleries to those less trendy), well that would just weigh me down and distract people from actually noticing my trendy hairdo (the Robert Pattison skate ramp style).

So why not do some good and adopt a Caucasian American baby. Why Caucasian American? Well contrary to popular belief (and slightly off the trend) adopting orphan babies from the US is actually just as charitable as adopting babies from let's say Asia or Africa. First of all I'm Asian so adopting an Asian baby is not trendy (you don't see Madonna and Jolie adopting an American now do you?). Africa, might be a suitable baby adopting site but for the already many Africans here in my country, so it's not eccentric in nature (again following trends).

Furthermore, orphans in the US have it tough. Sure those lucky enough babies might get adopted by an okay American normal family (boring, not glamorous) but what about those who are not adopted? The US is in quite a pickle these days because of the state of their economy, known fact. Their healthcare is disappointing (no money, no insurance no health) and the gap between the rich and the poor there is appalling (much like in Malaysia but their economy is really bad and these babies would most likely be made an army and be made to fight ridiculous wars).

Aren't those good enough reasons to adopt their babies? Plus wouldn't be cool to have a Caucasian baby? I mean my child would be Caucasian. When he/she grows up looking like Rachel McAdams or Brad Pitt and coming to me asking, "Dad am I adopted?" I can be like, "sure you are son/sweety, hence your complexion, your blue eyes, your blond hair, your height, your built, slight freckles here and there and you know, the fact that you're not bin Mohd Syazwan (bin Abdullah of course)...Oo Razif/Fatimah (I'll come up with better names), you're funny aren't you". Won't that be cool?

Won't it be cooler if my adopted child cannot speak good English and would be like, "Ayah, adik nak mamam" but looking all Caucasian. When I go to the mall and my Caucasian child would be like, "nak ice cream", I'll say "tak nak makan ice cream ye sayang, nanti sakit gigi" and he/she will scream her lungs out, "nak! nak! nak! tak nak friend you!". People will be looking with eyes wide open and gasping at the scene of such pecularity.

Caucasians can raise us Asians looking all normal and such, why should it be different for us? I've seen mixed parentage where the mum's Chinese and the dad's Caucasian and the son is moulded in the same form as the dad but still there's a resemblance of the mum. That's not what I'm looking for. I'm looking for a really white kid with blue eyes, blond hair and no resemblance of us Asians, at all.
Fuyoo! (amazed at the idea)
*this is just imaginary and I doubt it'll happen, but if it does, then I would do justice to the Americans and raise him/her by letting him/her eat mostly fast foods and let him/her watch a lot of TV. This entry is not racist now is it? I'm slightly confused by what's racist and what's not nowadays.

Nothing Much

2010-01-07T22:29:00.003+08:00

Being 24 (25 this end of year) and surrounded by people of more or less the same age talks during lunchtime would usually revolve around marriage, money and work. So it is only normal that our conversation during lunch yesterday was about work then it moved on to money and ended up in the marriage area. This, of course is a natural flow of things – work is hell and they don’t pay us enough to satisfy our needs which includes the need to get hitched.

When asked by one of my colleague/friend how does it feel like being married? Is it that great? My automated brain response would say “damn sure it is!”. Of course my brain responded like so because that’s how I genuinely feel.

The expected follow-up question ensued - what’s so great about being married? How is it better than being single?

With a face so smug a bulldog would be proud of it, I answered, “Because it is. I am more calm, relaxed and life becomes a lot more fun in an acceptable pace”. How is that so? Well, though life is not as fast paced as when you’re single and ready to mingle, or if you’re attached to someone (boyfriend/girlfriend), ready to canoodle (not sure either), life takes its course beautifully, well-structured and with a certain raison d'être (for your every movement).

Indeed that’s what I really think of marriage. Everything you do after marriage is for a reason – nothing is wasted for the sake enjoyment and such. E.g. you go out for a movie with your wife to strengthen the bond of marriage and relationship, you go for a movie when you’re single/with girlfriend you don’t really get anything in return but for enjoyment. You buy things that you deem useful and you think long term, but if you’re single unless you do actually think long term then what you buy may not be of use when you’re married – you might think buying a sports car is great now but when you’re married, have children and don’t have enough money to buy a second car, you might regret not thinking twice.

I conclude by saying, yes life gets peaceful and meaningful.

But now that I have time to really think things out. I do believe in everything I said during the whole conversation, but about life being a bit more relaxed and slow-paced, I do have second thoughts. Life is extremely hectic after marriage in actuality. Remembering my first year of marriage, I didn’t relaxed one bit. If my body had time to relax my mind would not be so fortunate.

The second year is no snail either. With the involvement of a little kid in my life, it has definitely spurred things to greater pace. I can think of 1-2 weeks which I actually rested well enough but most days are tiring – work, kid and house chores.

So yeah, life is great after marriage but it’s definitely not slow. Heck, I take it back. Life is turbulent after marriage and I could only presume that this would go on till I retire - at which point I imagine life would be at it’s most relaxing; frequent visit to coffee shops, more time for photography, travelling would not be burdened by lack of leave left for the year, money to slowly burn till I die (having saved enough for the kids)...man, 35 years to go...

Poo! (grumpy young man)

Faris' Snip Snip and I'm Not Single

2010-01-02T19:58:00.009+08:00

Interesting stuff to day (to me at least). Went to Faris' cukur jambul - that cute little boy got the snip-snip. In case you're wondering, Faris is Anis and Matt's little warrior child (hope I got this right Matt).

the little warrior during raya, at our place (matt bearhugging the child and anis at the back there)

So anyway, we were among the first to arrive and upon arrival the little warrior was still fast asleep. Nothing interesting there.

So as promised, Anis gave Sofeah her birthday present. Belated, because our chance of meeting is rather slim - but very much appreciated nonetheless. The present; a sing-a-long pop up book which Sofeah loves. Sofeah by the by, loves book. She also loves music. Her favourite cartoon is the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. Sufficed to say, this is the perfect gift for her. Thanks Anis and Matt! (and Faris as well I suppose?)

There's another thing which I have to thank Anis and Matt for today. Among her invited guest at the snip-snip ceremony today was Lisa Surihani. If you recall (of course you don't) in 2008 I wrote an entry which mentioned her movie "I'm not single" and said I quite fancy her to which Anis commented that she's like a sister to her - again wife is cool about this.

Gadis TV - file picture of her which i took. that's a lie. wonder if she's up for an outdoor photoshoot eh? would boost my portfolio tenfold...huu~

So yeah, she was there looking all Lisa Surihani like. She's as cute as she is on TV but I didn't really take a good look at her because I am a very bashful guy (lalaa~). And of course all celebrity has this glow - my theory: radiation from too many lights being on them during shooting. A nice and friendly girl I must say and very fond of little kids. She quite fancy my daughter and finds Sofeah rather sweet. I'm sure I need not say where Sofeah got that fine quality from Lisa...hihi.

So thanks again Anis and Matt for an interesting day (the food, the gift, the fanciful meeting). By the way say hi to her when you get the chance ;-)

Toodles! (common word)

My New Toy

2010-01-01T19:15:00.005+08:00

Recently I've been blessed with extra income and so I thought why not buy me something worthwhile - you know after working so hard (slacking off only 49% of the time) throughout the year.

Bought me a new lens, a Canon EF-S 55-250 f4-5.6 IS. Yup, slightly telephoto-y but it's a canon. Got it for a good price as well - note to all photogs out there, visit the DSLR store at Subang Parade, it's worth the visit.

Before this I've only been using a kit lens as well as my un-trusty Tamron 28-200mm which I bought 2nd hand. The lens work okay still but being 3rd party it's slow and because it's quite old, the image would come out misty - fungi problem. Hmm should I sell it?

So anyway, didn't have time to really test it until this morning when my wife brought my kid to the park. So here are some of the result:

cranky little people

sleepy on the swing

blue swings

massaging her feet (another version here: flickr)

mum's turn

the slide isn't as fun when you're sleepy

I like the lens and quite like the result. Can't wait to test the thing at an official event. But being telephoto-y it's not easy to find the right event.

Hollinggaa!! (meaning, great - according to my wife's dictionary)

2010: The Year of the Chilla!

2009-12-30T19:20:00.003+08:00

It is almost the start of the new year with only tomorrow being the last of 2009. Much happened in this past year that I don’t actually know which part to write on. In fact, my mind is so full of 2009 happenings that it is a whirlwind of insurmountable blurriness. I can’t share a single story of 2009.

Why should I discuss 2009 anyway right? We have 2010 to look forward to!

But before that; yesterday was me and wifey’s 2^nd year anniversary and I would like to write a few words on it. I know we didn’t actually remember our anniversary this year until about 7pm yesterday when it suddenly struck me like a fish straight from the ice box in the wet market (I’m not sure what this means but that’s what I think of it) but nevertheless, a 2^nd year of marriage for me has seen us strengthen the bond that we created only 2 years prior (hence 2^nd year anniversary). I foresee this marriage going nowhere but up from here on end.

That’s all, no sentimental, romantic thoughts on it. Saving it for a very special day some time early next year.

So 2010! What do I look forward to the most? Well I’m actually looking forward to a very prosperous year filled with activities. Yes, next year won’t be like 2009 where life was bogged down by tormenting work experience, inability to travel around much due to our love for our incompetent newborn child (all newborn child are incompetent so this does not mean I degraded my own child), having to relocate ourselves so that life would be much easier with more money in the pocket, using our non-existing money to buy essential things only to accumulate debts (which thankfully I’ve cleared...phew!) and trying to actually settle down after a tornado-like 2008.

For 2010 I’m looking forward to, first of all, staying clear of financial ruins. Finance is part and parcel of everyday life, more so for young married couple with a child and nothing to begin with. So, having gone through 2009 with careful financial planning and precision implementation of financial policy, 2010 should be an easier year financially. Doesn’t mean we would be splurging our money (next big aim is a family car and a comfortable house) but access to our little family fund would be slightly more lenient this coming year.

Next would be work. At the moment I’ve found my forte, so to speak. Not only is it something I can do but it is also something which I can enjoy (75% of the time). Anyone can tell you that if you can do something which you enjoy even 51% of the time, then that’s a good enough job for you. So, in 2010, I look forward to continuing what I’m doing now whether it is in the same organization or moving up in the world at another organization. I’m not actively looking elsewhere, but if the opportunity arises, I won’t not consider it. By the way, I’m doing Corporate Affairs/ Communication work (in case head hunters happen to read my blog).

Also in 2010, I’m actually looking forward to my child talking and behaving more like a little kid. Right now things are great with her, but sometimes not knowing what she wants can be a little bit frustrating. In my mind, I see her drawing, reading books, building things and having proper conversation with us in 2010. She’s already doing all that right now, but without any real skill or understanding.

Since 2008 is about building a new life just the 2 of us, moving in to a new home together and 2009 is about getting a new car and other essentials, 2010 might not be as grand or monumental in our life’s brief history. Thus, it should be less of a worry and a lot more fun. We are planning to go on a family trip to perhaps Melaka and visit our kampong more (doubt it really). We might also have more family outings and have occasional night out at slightly pricey and yet affordable restaurants.

In 2010 also, I’m looking forward to dive into photography a bit more. I’m thankful for the fact that I had extra income this end of year to purchase some camera equipment for my beloved Brooke II (my camera). More promoting is needed I know but I’m too lazy. But that’s 2009. I’ve gained more experience throughout 2009 and 2010 would be a great year to kick things off.

Wah already too long an entry. By the way, these are not resolutions or anything. It’s just what I envision for 2010. With resolution there’s more pressure to actually do it all. But envisioning is already seeing it happen (I know a load of crap, but save myself my own sorrowful pity if I don’t get to do what I want for 2010).

Who knows 2010 may also offspring a few surprises from the oven...wait, what does that mean? And why did I use the word 'offspring'? ahak...ahak...

Chilla!!!!! (someone used this on Facebook and I thought it’s nice way to end my entries from now on...annoying I know)

Gadis Armada

2009-12-16T19:45:00.004+08:00

I have the coolest wife ever! First of all, this entry is not about my infidelity or any impure thoughts whatsoever. So if you do manage to plough through this entry and have second thoughts about my loyalty, then that's entirely up to you. But rest assured, I'm not thinking of doubling my expenses any time soon (or ever), if you know what I mean.

Okay back to "I have the coolest wife ever!". I recently went to a training course for something, you know, related to my work. The training was held at Armada Hotel, PJ. I won't mention anything about the course because, well it's insignificant to this entry. In fact that whole sentence was insignificant because I can just not write the whole "I won't mention...blah blah" and people still wouldn't question what the training was all about because it has no bearing on my entry at all.

So anyway.

The great thing about going through all these training is that, even though it's expensive I don't have to pay for it. But then I get all the perks like gaining knowledge, making contacts, lunch, tea breaks, refreshments, off from work, hotel food, hotel mini pizzas and hotel buffet...good stuff.

However, something unxpected came my way during lunchtime, another plus side to the whole training. A very cute lady, a worker at the hotel, showed me to my seat for lunch. She wore a christmas outfit, she's either santa's helper or santa's wife, not so sure. Does Santa's wife wear the same outfit as Santa's helper? If yes then why is it that Santa get to wear really warm clothings and yet his helper/wife wear loose outfits out in the cold?

So, this girl right, she was cute. Really fair, nice biddy eyes, cute smile with an imperfect teeth - sometimes imperfection is attractive.

I texted my wife and told her of this cutie which I refer to as Gadis Armada. She texted back with the following: "ha pi la ngorat, tgk la die layan ke x awk 2". Wuhuu~! Of course I didn't have the guts nor the utmost desire to go for it (note: utmost).

I know she said what she said mainly because she knows I'm not up for it. But even if I did walk up to this cute lady and say a few words I know for a fact, my wife wouldn't mind. She has already given me the go-ahead to marry another and she knows that I'm writing this blog entry (of course she thinks I'm focussing it on Gadis Armada, hence the misleading title - to mislead her).

I won't hurt my wife's feeling over another lady of course. But it's nice to know that my wife trusts me in addition to the love that she has already poured on me.

Going back to Gadis Armada. If you do read blogs and happen to come across this one. I'm one of the many hotel guests that ate at the cafe. I'm about 5'7, skinny and kind of fair. I was there the past 2 days. You glanced at me a couple of times because I stared at you constantly. Do drop a comment and we'll see where we go from there.

Hihihi...wah tomyam for dinner. Thanks wifey!

Television

2009-12-09T18:55:00.004+08:00

I've been observing, over the past few days, on the effects of television in our daily lives. Television or TV or tele or magic box, to some, is perhaps the greatest invention since sliced bread. Some internet/computer freaks and/or geeks might defer but let's just ignore that for a moment.

Like my friend said, you surf the net, but the TV is blaring nonsense at the back. When I go to restaurants, I observed that those who go out on a date or go out with a bunch of friends, if the restaurant has TV (which all restaurants now have apparently), their view would at one time or another focus on the TV. Weird but that's what's happening at the moment. TV = life.

For me, TV has always been my companion since childhood. I don't have brothers and sisters to play with so the TV kept me company. This is lie as I have 3 brothers and 1 sister. And this para is just a waste of space.

Moving on...

Back when I was in school, be it primary or secondary, TV have always been the focal point in my life. It goes; wake up in the morning, turn on the TV. Arrive home from school, TV is on, so I'd casually sit or lie down in front of it. Go out in the evening for some healthy activity, play football and what not whilst discussing shows that we liked or disliked (depending on the level of gayness*) and then as I reach home with sweats still dripping off my forehead and mud stuck between the nails, I would turn on the TV for a warm-down. That's life back then.

*gayness = everything in this world can relate back to your degree of gayness (personal opinion)

In University, not so much TV. Not that I didn't want to watch it, but, I just can't. But then downloading TV shows and movies became common, thankfully, and therefore TV watching became possible via computer (1 point for the computer geeks ~clap clap~).

Now that I'm working, TV is just a night activity to water down the effects of work. But then I realised, by me watching TV whenever I'm with my child (i.e. everytime I got home from work) I'm giving my child no choice but to watch TV.

Sure there are other activities which I still do with my child like reading books, go to the playground, sing and dance with her but for majority of the time, the TV would be on. Is this something I want her to be comfortable with? To have the TV on all the time? Is this good for her? That's when an article in The Sun came along and sure enough, research shows TV can't be good for a child, especially ones who are below the age of 2 years.

Read this article last week, came home from work and decided, okay no more TV for Sofeah (at least not on weekdays). See, when we let Sofeah watch TV, it is because initially we wanted to distract her while me and the wife can run errands and do some house chores. So in a way we force her to watch TV to ease our own burden. This is understandable, of course, because we are 3 people in a house and we need to do things for ourselves and for the house without having our daughter in the way.

But is that a good reason to let her watch TV? Initially we thought, of course it is. But now that I've brought sense and logic into the argument...not really.

After making the decision to halt TV watching things got a little bit hard on Sofeah. She can't take it. For 2 days she acted a little bit like a brat (sorry to say but quite unpleasant), kicking and screaming wanting to watch the TV. We stuck by our decision and did other activities with her to try to distract her away from the TV. Of course her focus would eventually veer towards the television and at which point she would cry. But we remained steadfast (I wanted to turn on the TV so badly).

That happened for 2 days straight. It did not help that she was recovering from a fever as well when we made the decision.

But on the third day, everything was calmer. She was ready to try other activities. Reading books to her became easier and she explores the world around her more. She starts playing with everything around her and try out different things as well (which can only be good). Even at restaurants and other places she's now behaving better and listens to us more. She's not as aggressive.

The way I see it, the less TV watching, the more we can interact with her. The more activities we do with her hands on. She gets to explore new things more rather than sitting quietly in front of the TV with eyes fixated on colorful objects and not really understanding what's going on. TV might well be good for her one day but now is probably not the time.

I know full well that in some cases we can't avoid letting our kids or ourselves watch TV. There are a lot to learn from watching TV shows (discovery channels, informative TV shows, educational cartoon series) but these are all things which I think we can gather from the world around us. Why the need to let some cartoon animals and purple dinosaurs teach our children to read and write or be good and be nice? Can't we teach them the same?

Similarly for us adults. I feel that sometimes we're missing out on the good things in life by submitting ourselves to moving images on the magic box. Friendly chatters at our favourite hangouts are taken over by status updating on facebooks and twitters. Book reading are substituted by TV watching.

I myself haven't read a book for quite awhile. Need to change that. [abrupt end to this entry]

Good luck to me

2009-11-30T19:34:00.002+08:00

I've not written for so long. Hate myself for that. One of my passion in life is to write but where has that gone? I've lost my passion for music as well. I've not written a song for so long and have hardly touched my guitar.

All of this isn't so bad. I can do without playing guitar every other hour like I used to. I can do without writing songs, blog entries, letters to the media like I used to. But what I don't want to lose is my passion.

I don't want to miss out on missing doing all those things.

At the moment though, I really do miss it. I blame myself for it. Why am I not as passionate about all those little things in life anymore? Woody Harrelson said in Zombieland, "you gotta love the little things". Sometimes it takes a crazy character from a wacky movie to make you realise all these things.

So I'm trying to make a comeback. I'm setting a target for myself.

Work life is killing me. I find no joy in my work. I can't find any reason why I should look forward to working 5 days a week. Work life is killing my passion. But I'm not going to blame my work for what I've lost. It's part of life and I'm not the only one whose passion is starting to wither away.

I'm determined though, to fix this.

Good luck to me.

Movie about Sofeah's First Year

2009-11-07T13:28:00.002+08:00

My daughter's first year in video...with my favourite song as theme

Husbandhood: I Know I Can Be A Jack**$

2009-10-19T20:35:00.004+08:00

Every father wishes they can go home everyday from work on time, so that they can spend time with their child(ren). I'm sure there are those who don't care much but I'm not going to bother about them because their heartless attitude deserves no mention here (just mentioned them).

But, every father would also encounter the inevitable - all of us would one day come home a little bit late just in time to put our children to bed, or not even enough time for that.

For me, I've experienced this several time since fatherhood. It's definitely not the greatest feeling in the world. The feeling is especially worst when I see my daughter alone at her nursery (her mother is never at fault for this).

To make matters worst, when I come home late, hungry and tired, I get a little annoyed by everything. I become an instant jackass. Jackass in a cup. A pack of jackass. Jackass and the beanstalk. Jackass and Jill went up the hill...(I can go on for days).

I've never had a good reason to become a jackass. I just am. It happens when I'm tired. It happens when I'm hungry. It happens when I don't get what I want. Sometimes it can even happen when my football team loses. It just happen.

When it happens, then and there, I know I'm a jackass. Any effort trying to control it would be to no avail. I end up blaming everything that moves. My wife gets the brunt of it and I would feel sorry in the end (I'd apologise). But how I wish I can skip the temper tantrum. But it's not like I break stuff, hit my wife or scream at her or anything.

My reaction is psychological. I give her the silent treatment. I do house chores just so that I can start comparing efforts after doing it. I say things that I don't even understand (thanks to law school). I do the shunning. Yes, the shunning.

How I wish I can control myself but I can't. I can, but somehow when it happens, I don't want to. To this I say, sorry wifey, it was't me. It was some crazy guy who comes home every now and then, looking like me, talking like me, but really isn't me, me. You know, it was crazy me. You've met him.

Ignore him for he is crazy. Just as you see that crazy Ramli Sarip look-alike under the flyover in front of the school, ignore me as you do him. Much like you ignore politics, ignore me. You know how the US is trying to stop other countries from being more developed than they are and how most of us wish that our leaders ignore the US and their egotistical ways, yeah do that, ignore. I'll come back to life in like an hour or two, in the meantime, you can always use the internet to search for things on ebay. Remember, ignore me, search ebay.

Fatherhood: Pre-Fatherhood and My First 11 Months

2009-10-07T18:41:00.005+08:00

The plan was clear since day one. I really wanted to be one and after a brief period of uncertainty and doubt, the news crept in my dubious mind like a divine revelation. Looking back at to that fateful day I couldn’t have reacted better – a gleeful smile is probably the most appropriate. Of course jumping wasn’t an option in a room full of people.

Looking back, should I have doubted myself? Who said I can’t possibly have a child at such a young age? Who said I can’t possibly take care of a young family? Who said things would be hard and somehow I would regret things later? No one did. These were just doubts. After hearing the news, I was happy. No more doubt. Hungry though, had a light lunch.

9 months after that revelation, the same unwelcomed questions came to mind the moment I carried her. Why am I doubting myself? It has already been done. I can’t turn back time. She’s there. She’s not going anywhere without me. She’s next to my darling wife. It took a lot of my wife’s energy bringing her out to the world. She already looks so cozy next to her mother. She’s so cute, must take it from me.

I know being a father has its ups and downs. Being a father is not exactly the problem though, being a young man with a big responsibility is. People sometimes do not believe that we are capable of having a child to raise on our own. But the element of surprise has never deterred people from watching sports before. Why it should it deter me and my wife from being independent parents? Why am I comparing sports with my daughter?

I’m new to this world and so is my child. Sure we’re not in the same bracket when it comes to being “new”, but both of us need each other – she needs me to take care of her, I need her for encouragement. I just started this thing called a “career”; I don’t earn that much and I live in a city that struggles as much as I do to take away my money – of course I struggle to earn it – how am I going to afford this? Hmm maybe I’ll splurge on new clothing this month, I can always start saving next month.

Can’t believe 11 months has passed without me and my wife having any trouble taking care of our daughter’s needs and at the same time our own needs. Of course I’m not saying no trouble at all, but financially, physically, mentally, we are still damn fit. Thank Allah my wife is down to earth cool. Sure we want the best for our daughter. We buy her products of the highest quality and the best brands! She’s our first child! Even if it is second hand items. We know where we stand in reality. We can’t afford the best, we buy the best second hand.

It’s great having a daughter. Look at her, so cute and adorable. Which human being wouldn’t want one? 11 months have passed by so quickly. This little girl can’t even carry her head up just 11 months ago. Now she’s carrying sardine cans for fun (then dropping it on her toes and crying her lungs out). I must say, I sure have got the best of the bunch. Smart, cute, obedient, active but at the same time well behaved. Can’t ask for a better child – wouldn’t all parents say the same thing?

I know I haven’t been the best of husband, the best of son or the best of friend, but I sure do make a good father. That’s only because I have the best daughter. Here’s looking forward to another 100 years of being a father to Nur Alya Sofeah - if we survive that long. Happy 1^st birthday my daughter! (of course her birthday is not until the 30^th of October but I’m way too excited)

Fea's Progress - Dia Dah Berjalan

2009-08-29T14:26:00.006+08:00

Hari ni Sofeah officially boleh berjalan dah...hoho!

Dia dah lama berjalan 2-3 tapak tapi hari ni dia berjaya jalan 10 tapak and more! ho-yeh!! Haha

So kira umur dia 10 bulan la dia boleh berjalan. Ikut kata mak saya patut the moment dia pandai menapak dah kira official, but dengan Sofeah ni kena la aim high sikit. hehe.

sofaeh memang kuat senyum and happy go lucky

Dah lama tak buat entry berkenaan Sofeah and maknya pula busy bagai langsung tak update blog dah berbulan lamanya. Okay kesian juga kat mak dia sebab kerja agak busy and hectic...rupanya mengajar ni bagi orang yang baru agak hebat cabarannya.

berdiri memakai swimming suit

So anyway, apart from Sofeah dah boleh berjalan banyak lagi dia dah boleh buat. Dulu dia boleh lambai tapi dia buat kadang-kadang je sebab dia penyegan (or sombong, depends). Sekarang dia lambai setiap kali someone balik or dia sendiri nak beransur pulang.

Dia juga gemar menepuk tangan setiap kali lagu (tak kira lagu apa) didendangkan. Lagu paling dia minat ialah "tepuk-tepuk amai" yang biasa dinyanyikan oleh umminya.

Sofeah juga suka swimming. Dulu masa kami duduk di Condo kami (sebelum pindah 2 minggu lepas) ada swimming pool so on the weekends kami bawalah dia turun untuk swim. Happy dia. Dia memang suka mandi pagi dan petang tapi bila swimming tu dia extra excited (of course baby kan, sama je semua).

fea's first swim

Sofeah ni despite being cute (tak kira!!) dia juga sangatlah garang. Bila dia garang? Bila kata nak babab dia, dia pun tunjuk motion nak babab balik. Dia juga suka marah binatang (so far kucing dan anjing mangsanya). Bila dengan binatang je dia akan buat bunyi, "haish!" dan "uumpphh!!" lepas tu dia akan angkat tangan dia cam nak babab. Lepas tu muka garang dia (memang comel) sangat apparent in her eyes bila dia dah start.

Sekarang Sofeah a little bit underweight tapi sebagai one half of her parents, saya tak kisah sangat. Sebabnya, dia sangatlah aktif, dia juga sangatlah sihat dan genetically, logic jugalah kan - ayah dan ummi dia tak lah besar sangat. Lagipun dia makan banyak je (apart from her meal time dia juga akan cuit makanan kami apabila kami makan).

Sofeah memang progress dengan baik. Mesti bijak bila dah tua (scientist in the making...hehe).

Ummi and Sofeah sharing a light moment together

When People Question Our Parenting Skills

2009-08-24T18:04:00.003+08:00

Wife and I went to the parenthood expo yesterday to check out some stuff, you know, for the wife. We went there with hope of finding this lactating pill thingy and we found them easily. We decided to go back home since my mum’s taking care of Sofeah so we want to get things done quickly and go back.

We walked around for a bit and I texted my friend - who was expecting a baby in November - to inform him about the expo. He was there at the time. I decided to go back and search for him, just to see his wife’s progress and to talk to him a bit. We entered the expo for the second time (have to go through health check all over again) – big mistake.

The moment we entered the place a man courted us and we were suddenly dragged to the side of this booth selling what look like books for kids – but there were other stuffs there too. They offered us seats and this one woman started to sit in front of us.

I thought to myself “damn, a saleswoman trying to sell us things that we know is very useful but won’t buy as yet”. But being a diplomatic and reasonable person I listened( I don’t know how to get myself out of things like these). She showed us activity books which we can use to teach Sofeah and other playcards and stuff for her early childhood education. Though I’m very interested in all those things I’m afraid RM2000 for the whole set is a bit much – even if I can pay in installments.

Then I was made to feel guilty for not investing in my child’s education. When the saleswoman suggested that I’m not placing my child’s education as priority and not willing to sacrifice for her education's sake, the saleswoman has crossed the line – a very thin line I might add.

Sure I spent more for a DSLR camera (also by installments), but I’ve been longing for one since my university days and I can’t be at fault for wanting to capture my family’s most precious moments in still images since moments can be lost forever. Plus if I play my cards right I can make extra income for my family with a camera.

Sure I did thought about this when she went on and rambled about how parents are more willing to put money in insurance instead of education and that, according to her, should not be the case. I argued what if the father dies the next day (as anyone can die at any time), wouldn’t insurance coverage help at that particular time? To be honest I don’t have an insurance for my child and wife but I’m just arguing for argument’s sake since this saleswoman has started to get on my nerves.

I agree wholeheartedly that education is the most important thing– even at our adult age education is still important. I have never defied that fact when arguing with her but when she inadvertently suggested that I’m not doing enough for my child’s education, because I do not invest in her company’s product, that’s just stoking the fire – she really needs to choose her words carefully.

Does she know me personally? Does she know how I educate my child or whether or not I have been educating my child? Does she know my plans for my child? I can’t take ignorant people who are willing to insult me and my wife’s parenting skills just because we didn’t want to buy her company’s product – because we hardly have money at the moment and to pay RM200 as downpayment would be too much since I only have Rm19 in my bank account at the moment and my wife only has Rm50 in her main bank account.

She may not be intentional in saying things as she did but it is not an excuse since it is her job anyway. We parents can be ultra sensitive when it comes to people questioning our parenting skills/efforts/initiatives and she’s supposed to know that, doing what she does. Since it’s Ramadhan I really tried to keep my cool, but I have limits as well – especially when she keeps on implying that I’m not educating my child enough.

I told her off, “you’re insulting us” and I asked her whether she has a family of her own and all. She retorted that she has a husband and a kid as well. So I told her that then she should understand how we young working families are. I started from scratch and having recently moved to a new house (renting) financially we’re quite weak at the moment. She then said something baffling, “at least you’re both here, my husband’s at home and I’m here working”. What has that got to do with anything? Me and my wife are working too and it just so happen you have to work on that particular Sunday. My wife works 6 days a week and I sometimes work outstation as well. But again, what has that got to do with anything?

She doesn’t seem to understand anything I’m saying and ‘diss’ed me and my wife again with her, if you don’t take the initiative to educate your children now then when are you going to actually do it? We have been educating our child since she was in my wife’s belly. Everyday we talk to her and explain to her things. It’s not as if your book and your playcards are the only thing which can stimulate my child’s brains. If that’s the case then I’m surprised that I’m even writing this entry because I certainly didn’t receive those types of education when I was 9 months old - neither did my parents.

I agree that the company’s product looks good but to be honest it’s no different than any Rm25 book that I can get at some cheap used book store and the playcards and information book is something that I can print out of the internet - It won’t be a hard cover but I can still bind/laminate and make them look as nice and it would cost 10 times less expensive at that.

Sure I probably won’t do it; but if I'm determined to spend Rm2000 on those products, I’d rather put more effort at making it myself and spend the Rm1500 on things which I can’t create myself - also for my child. Plus education doesn’t have to be about having the right product, it is about having the right approach. In which case, I’ll take my chances of not buying your product, thank you.

I now officially hate salesman (woman).

Another poster!

2009-08-19T19:56:00.003+08:00

(click for better viewing)

Love doing posters...

Prelim Photography Poster

2009-07-27T22:04:00.004+08:00

(click to view it better)

Somehow blogger doesn't really do justice to my already unsatisfying work...

My Photography Packages! / Maxi Cosi Midi for sale

2009-07-15T19:22:00.007+08:00

I thought long and hard about going into wedding photography and I've decided to follow through with it with much vigor and determination (I need money). Therefore, I've conjured up this event packages ad which is not final but at the moment will do. I don't think I want to focus on weddings only and I'd also take up bookings for other events like birthdays, aqiqah, family photoshoot or whatever (subject to my liking).

click the image for a better view

As you can see my charges are way below market price (Rm1,200-Rm5,000) but that's because I lack the experience and I don't think it's fair to charge more. But I'm quiet confident about my ability and I've covered events before for free.

My experience include sports event for my company (I've covered about 3 and they were pretty satisfied), family birthday parties and my brother's engagement. All went well and I managed to pretty well (I would say) even though I lack the equipment. So far I'm using my camera and that's it. No flash, no cool lens. Planning to buy them in the near future especially if I get a booking. Again, my service is very cheap (there may also be discounts).

visit my photography at: http://www.flickr.com/photos/wunr

****************************************************

On another matter, my wife and I would like to sell this car seat as we already have one. It's quite cheap since it's a branded item (and the brand is very expensive). The item is in great condition, the color is just a little bit faded but looks very good still. It's actually a toss up really because my wife likes the condition of this one better than our other car seat but the other car seat is more expensive (we go for value rather than look...sad). So yeah, this one is for sale at a price of Rm270 (negotiable).

Believe me, it is worth the price (market price could fetch up to more than Rm1k for a new one). No editing was done on the pictures to make it look better.

Toy Story - Kisah Permainan Sofeah (In Pictures)

2009-06-25T20:32:00.005+08:00

THE END

Abangku Sudah Bertunang! / Konflik Yang Tak Diundang

2009-06-15T19:36:00.006+08:00

Ye abang aku sudah bertunang! Akhirnya...Sebab bukan apa, aku ni dah berkahwin and satu anak pun whilst dia baru nak bertunang. Orang selalu jugak kata macam, owh adik dah ada anak satu abang dia bila pula (sedangkan ada seorang lagi abang atas dia yang masih single and also tak ada orang kata pun benda-benda tu tadi...kot)

So anyway...Dia nak kahwin dengan orang Sg. Besar, nun hujung Selangor sana. Drive ke sana 2 jam lebih sebab lori la apa, plus konvoi kan so tak boleh nak bawa laju sangat kereta. Aku ni dah la buta jalan.

Sebelum nak pergi tempat pertunangan tu ada konflik sikit la sebab aku ni rasa macam kena pergi sebab abang sendiri and nak jadi photographer la. Wife pula ada kursus satu hari and then anak nak letak mana? Aku boleh je bawa tapi end up bukan aku jaga sangat so kesian la kat mak aku.

Mula-mula dah set ibu mertuaku jaga tapi disebabkan wife ada kursus and akan habis petang, so agak susah la nak hantar ke Bangi, dah aku dari Sg. Besar pula tak tahu habis pukul berapa so nak ambil dia pukul berapa pula? Risau pula wife kan.

Lepas tu jadi isu pula in-laws nak bawa Sofeah berjalan ke rumah saudara yang walaupun tak jauh tapi tanpa kehadiran ummi dan ayah dia dia tidak pernah berjalan ke rumah orang lain. Dia pula dah mula kenal orang and sekarang agak sensitif la sebab orang tegur dalam lif pun boleh meraung. Aku suka je dia tak people person sekarang sebab tak ada la dia nak kat orang lain dan men'danger'kan diri sendiri. Biar la dia masuk tadika umur 5-6 tahun nanti baru nak people person sikit. Dia baru 7 bulan.

Then, tak nak bagi bawa dia berjalan tanpa parents dia memang dah tersemat dalam jiwa aku dan isteri so memang tak boleh la. Lagipun aku ni first time father (begitu juga wife adalah first time mother) so kami amat risaukan tentang hal anak ni. Aku rasa nak tinggalkan tu dah susah ni kan nak biar dia berjalan. Aku sanggup hari-hari tinggalkan dia untuk pergi kerja pun sebab aku tahu dia selamat di rumah and bila aku balik dia akan ada di rumah. Tak kira la betapa experience pun si penjaga, bila ia anak aku, aku kalau boleh nak cara aku. Mak aku 5 bulan jaga dia pun agak restricted gak (tak apa mak, bulan depan hantar nurseri dah! hehe).

Eh, cerita dah lari tajuk permulaan. So anyway, majlis berjalan lancar. Details tentang pertunangan tu aku tak boleh nak bagi sangat, tapi yang confirm ialah, wang hantaran agak spiked sikit dari yang dijanjikan mulanya. Tak apalah, itu kehendak pihak wanita. Aku cuma boleh doakan kebahagian mereka.

So inilah gambar-gambar yang sempat aku ambil, edit dan buat apa patut. Actually gambar ni boleh dilihat di flickr aku kalau nak banyak sikit. Ni yang kat atas tu aku bagi satu je, teaser orang panggil.

Flickr aku under set "pertunangan arul-lin" eh. (klik di situ)

Salam!

My Daughter My Model

2009-06-06T23:34:00.004+08:00

Since getting my new DSLR camera, I've been trying all sorts of stuff with my pictures. The old techniques I used to use with my SLR doesn't have the same effect in a DSLR. The methods are different, the quality is different, everything feels different.

However, even though I kinda miss using my SLR, my 450D is great. I can really learn a lot. Editing it is a blast and I can try different sorts style.

Best of all, I have my daughter as a model. Full grown human beings are good subjects, but babies are just natural. They act natural and they are always cute anyway. My daughter seems to know when I'm taking a picture - even though I doubt she can comprehend exactly what's going on.

She is now at a great age of discovery. Everything is new to her and everything she does surprises herself. From only being able to turn just last month, two weeks later, she's sitting. Not long after that (about 2 weeks also) she's already crawling. Now she's crawling everywhere and discovering new things.

In a way it makes it easier for us because she doesn't want us to carry her around all the time - like she used to. Now if we lay her down, she'll sit up and crawl anywhere she wants to. If she gets tired, she'll crawl to her Ummi and start crying (I think she's saying, "pick me up, I want milk!").

But the bad part is, she's crawling everywhere and she's not 100% stable so she'll fall once in a while. We have to really keep a look out for her.

In any case, at this ripe old age, taking pictures of her is wonderful. Plus these moments ends so fast I'd wish I'm there to take pictures of her every move - but that would be too much right?

So here are some of her pictures:

That's her gold fish look

She does smile a lot now

More of them can be viewed at my flickr page under the set "My Daughter My Model" (Click). I've also uploaded pictures of her crawling!

Enjoy!

Birthday Anak Buah!! (Asyik Birthday Budak je)

2009-05-20T21:29:00.004+08:00

Last Sunday we celebrated my nephew's birthday. Icky namanya (actually Rifqi). Rifqi ni semenjak kecil memang dijaga oleh my family and now dia agak rapat la juga dengan family my mom kan. So my mom decided nak buat a little birthday gathering la kerna kasih dan sayangnya dia pada cucu dia tu.

Mula-mula dengar cerita and plan macam just a small gathering yang melibatkan immediate family. But then tiba-tiba disebabkan my mom rapat dengan akak-akaknya and oleh kerna terlanjur kata, invitation tu extended to other family member. What was initially a small gathering turned out to be a full fledge birthday party (without all the gimmicks la kan...except cake, mesti ada).

So bagus la. Since dia pun dah 4 tahun dia boleh la jugak appreciate birthday celebration kan. I bought him a hot wheel scooter but dia lebih minat dekat remote control car. Tak mengapa Icky, uncle ingat sampai bila-bila. hehe.

Birthday boy Rifqi Isyraf

My daughter having a blast

Cake Ben10 adalah trend terkini

Other pictures can be viewed in my flickr page under the set "Rifqi's Birthday!!" (click).

Arianna's Birthday Celebration!!

2009-05-08T19:12:00.004+08:00

Last week walaupun cuti, agak hectic jua. Jumaat pergi Janda Baik, sabtu pula ada birthday party anak orang and then ahad nak settlekan hal rumahtangga.

But seronok juga sebab boleh bawa anak jalan-jalan dari duduk terperap dekat rumah. Sofeah ni the kind yang suka keluar. Setiap petang pukul 6 nanny dia kena bawa jalan dekat kawasan condo ni sementara tunggu ummi dan ayah pulang dari kerja.

So hari Sabtu tu birthday Arianna (happy birthday!!), anak kak Betty yang sudah masuk umur 7 tahun. Boleh tahan juga party dia ada khemah, performer, artiste untuk conteng-conteng anak orang and makanan dia sedap (siap boleh bungkus bawa balik so that wife tak perlu masak malam).

So pergi party saja bawa kamera baru for fun (dekat event camtu la nak suka-suka tangkap gambar and sharpen skill yang teramatlah tumpul ni kan). So memandangkan tak ada official photographer, maka jadilah guest photographer (walaupun tak ada experience tangkap gambar event). Ok la overall tapi sebab masih baru lagi guna DSLR (SLR dah 3-4 tahun guna so lebih mahir sikit).

Hasil-hasil seni (tidak seberapa) itu bolehlah dilihat di laman web flickr saya under set "Arianna's Birthday Bash 2009!!" (klik).

Saya bukanlah seorang pakar fotografi dan saya tidak terima bayaran untuk khidmat (penuh kelemahan) yang diberi. Tapi kalau nak saya cover event boleh je (for free pun) sebab nak exposure.

Sekian!!

Of Nur Alya Sofeah!!

2009-05-02T14:22:00.004+08:00

Last Friday was historic for this family, we got ourselves a camera. A good one but with slight defect considering we don't have enough money to buy certain equipments. We bought a Canon camera, EOS 450D (a.k.a. Rebel XSi if you're Japanese and other weird countries with similar gedikness).

So I've test it several times and we're lucky that the store had the camera in stock ready for us just before we went on a trip to Janda Baik with my wife's family and relatives.

After a brief trial and error, my review of the camera would be that it's quite good. Satisfactory. But considering that before this I only have a Yashica SLR camera which is old, so this camera is great! (of course we haven't yet paid the full amount). So next item on the list is a camera flash thingy (the built in flash is highly annoying) and a better lens (the kit lense has its limits).

So here's a collection of some of my earliest tests - "of Nur Alya Sofeah" (click the name)

Haven't yet got the time to upload the Janda Baik pictures.

Well, we're off to a children's birthday party and more picture taking!

Sofeah's certainly happy

To Nursery or Not To Nursery

2009-04-23T18:24:00.003+08:00

Asyik-asyik fikir pasal duit. Sekarang isu rumahtangga adalah; nak hantar sofeah ke nursery ataupun tidak. Bukanlah tak mampu, tapi sekarang punya arrangement jauh lebih jimat. Mak datang rumah pagi, sign-in, salin baju nanny dia, jaga fea and then pukul 6 petang saya dan isteri balik dan mak boleh salin pakaian dia and sign-out.

Banyak benda boleh buat dengan duit lebihan yang diguna untuk bayar nursery. But then, nursery ni elok, facilities memang top notch, fee memang jauh lebih murah berbanding standard yang diberi.

Lepas tu, diorang ni ada limited space untuk baby and setelah meletakkan nama fea dalam waiting list untuk 3 bulan, diorang dah ada ruang untuk fea. Also, mengikut kata owner tu, sekarang ni ada one batch of 6 months old babies - isteri suka sebab dia kata nanti diorang ni grow up together lepas tu akan ada adventure together macam rugrats. Merepek.

Owh itulah dia hakikat kehidupan. Terlalu banyak pilihan terlalu kurang sumber.

Money and...How Did We End Up Here?

2009-04-11T09:40:00.012+08:00

Me and wife used to have no money and no income. We learned to cope with it by, you know, mooching off my in-laws, living with them and what not. But, we weren't comfortable.

We had to make do with whatever money we have. But since I started working (given that the pay was pretty good) we saved here and there so that we can live on our own without needing to mooch off no one. But still we had to borrow from my little sister (who is still studying) just to make ends meet for a couple of month. Sad!!!

Of course, some things we just can't let go. We had to "borrow" my in-laws' car for awhile till we get enough money to actually buy our own. Which by the way, took a lot of maintaining so even though we borrowed the car, it wasn't cheap. We also had to "borrow" my father in-law's cheque book so that we could buy a refrigerator (I pay him back monthly, don't worry).

Since our monthly rent payment is quite steep for people who does not have a lot of income, we really had to save a lot - and subsequently ignore of a lot of our desires (suppress is more like it...I would cry inside).

The worst of our worries were for our baby. Back then we planned and planned but it seems that everything is off budget. I thought dealing with money in life would be easy. I was mistaken. Money is cruel and life won't make things easy for you. Huh.
But! Thanks to the internet and all its glory...we saved quite a lot - especially on baby stuff. Okay buying furniture and all wasn't easy. We had to travel near and far (around Klang Valley) to get the right product at the appropriate price. My wife was pregnant but she braved through every furniture store (sitting on comfortable pricey couches along the way) just so she can accompany me (or else she would have to do nothing at home that has no furniture - nor do we have TV back then).

So anyway, back to that internet thingy. Since we wanted the best for our baby, but our income would only buy her crap, we had to turn to the internet to get the best...but cheaper. Sure some stuff are second hand, but, if you search thoroughly enough, you can get the best second item money can buy. Plus, our child wouldn't know if it's second hand or not anyway.

But seriously, people know how to take care of their stuff. So if we really find a good one at a cheap price why not right? I would say, thanks to my wife's persistent blog hopping and forum threading efforts, we saved quite a lot. For a new family, saving money is probably the best thing to do.
A sterilizer that would normally cost RM400 was purchased at RM150 plus a bottle warmer! A play gym that would usually cost around RM359, costs RM100!! Her storage bottles which market price would be priced at around RM60 a box, we got for RM25!!! But best of all, a Quinny Zapp stroller that would cost around RM1200 at mothercare (standard price) we got for RM800 in Germany! And it's brand new! (thanks eBay and your majestic ability to lower prices for low income earners like me and my wife).

Those are just some of our fortunate purchases which all and all kept our budget pretty clean which leaves room for our dream item. Yes, finally after months of waiting and countless hours planning, searching and picking the perfect one, we have been able to purchase (oh by the way this thing moves people places and makes things easier for me and my wife)...

A walker! Look at her. So happy in her walker. Did i say people? I meant babies. It moves babies around. We don't need to carry her all the time when she's bored of just laying on the ground.

Oh and yeah we also bought a car for us...

Since Hyundai have this offer for their cars we thought, why not? Getz is bigger than a Kelisa. The 2008 model looks nice. It did win tons of awards. Its performance is said to be top notched (by car reviewers including top gear). Its safety receives 4 Star rating and it has a 3 deck compartment at the back! (which influenced our decision a lot more than those other stuff ever could). Oh and there was a RM9,000 discount. Cool.

Yes this is my car on display. That lady back there is my personal assistant. We didn't get a proper license plate because Hyundai said we had to pay more for it (RM7000). If you don't know that I'm kidding then you'd better go for a check up. But the color is the same.

Those Who Can't Do, Shut Up

2009-03-28T11:29:00.002+08:00

I've not updated my life blog for quite some time because, well nothing really to tell. Plus I don't think my life is that grand anyway.

But I do want to touch on one thing; those who can't do, teach.

Getting an advice for something when you know that person have never experienced it her/himself is just plain ridiculous. To top it off, the advice is kind of rude and abrasive. It's borderline, provocative.

It annoys me that a person would do such a thing because that person really believe that he/she is better and knows a lot more than I/anyone else does. Annoying.

Well I've been through a lot in my life and though it might not seem like it, but it really is turbulent. It's not just the after marriage occurrences, it's also the ones before it. I seriously wouldn't want anyone to go through what I've been through.

Then to get an advice as if to say I'm not good enough, I'm not prepared and I do not know what I'm doing...that's just stupid.

Haha seems like a crazy ranting of a disgruntled person. Ah well...

In the words of Phantom Planet:

I can tell
After this there's nothing else
Nothing you can't solve
If you're such a knowitall

This lyric doesn't say much, but it helps...haha.

Quality Time With Sofeah

2009-02-14T09:26:00.004+08:00

Since my wife works on Saturdays (except for the 3rd Saturday of the month), I've had my fair share of quality time with Sofeah, you know, my daughter. I would have to say, it is quality time indeed.

Usually what happens is, I would wake up at around 0645 and then pray. Then I would prepare breakfast for my wife while she prepares for work. Since it's Saturday she doesn't need to go to work that early. We would then wake Sofeah up and my wife would feed her (BF as she would call it).

Then my wife would go to work and Sofeah is left all alone with me. No qualms since I'm used to taking care of babies and children since high school. Not that I did much back then but I was lucky enough to have the opportunity to observe the going-ons of child care (in fact I teach my wife most of the stuffs...hehe...ehem but she knows a lot more about the science of child care, like the theory of it all).

So that's about it. That's the routine for Saturday mornings.

What I really want to talk about is the golden moments you start to realise when you spend time alone with a child. All the crying, the giggling, the smiling and everything that a child would do really does bring out quite a satisfactory feeling inside me. Every inch of detail becomes apparent. How cute she is, the sudden realisation that I am a father, the tedious but must-do things, the tiring times and the happy times.

It's not like I never really spend time with her except for the 6 hours on Saturday morning, but the alone time is really the time that you get to see her because like it or not, I cannot take my eyes off my child.

The moment when my wife goes to work, I sense that Sofeah feels kind of sad. I would usually go down with my wife and Sofeah to the car and watch her leave. Sofeah now knows her mother. She knows her voice, she knows that my wife feeds her and is the source of her sustenance, she also knows when my wife would come home in the evening.

Bathing her is something that I would usually do in the weekend. During the weekdays, since my mum takes care of her, she does all the bathing and everything. Because Sofeah now knows how to react and bathing her is a lot more fun (but harder as she moves and kicks a lot). As she likes to take a bath she smiles and giggles a lot during this time.

As she now turns, rolls and can support her head up for a long time, she has become more playful. Putting on her clothes have definitely become more challenging than before. The cute face that she exudes everytime she turns and holds her head up is priceless. Then after awhile she would cry, probably because she's tired.

yoh...

Right now she's sleeping. Before that I took a walk with her around the premise of this Condo and let her touch all the stuff around her, like leaves, walls and whatever surface I can find. I can sense that everytime I do that, she appreciates the different feel each surface gives. But most of the time she would grab my finger tight as if afraid that I would let her go.

Check me out...

Putting her to sleep is not hard at all. She's one of those very good babies who would go to sleep when she knows it's time. Of course there are times when it's hard, but most of the time it's easy. I like the fact that she would smile everytime I sing her to sleep. It's heart warming (slightly sentimental, not manly).

Sleep praying...

She now really likes to talk. She doesn't just talk, she shouts. Sometimes even before sleeping she would talk gibberish with her eyes dimming slowly. Yesterday me and wifey went to buy a present for a friend's daughter (1 year old Ixora!) at Subang Parade's Toys'r'Us, so we thought it's only convenient for us to have dinner at the mall.

We went to this little restaurant called Nyonya which is very small and narrow (good thing Sofeah's stroller is also small). She was asleep at first, but then we ordered and waiters were walking back and forth over head so she eventually she wakes up. At first, not knowing her surroundings, she remained quite. But after awhile she starts playing by herself while me and my wife eats. Not long after she shouts time and time again, not to cry or anything, just to talk.

Sofah's awake now. I've fed her milk but now she wants to play. Later!

Disgruntled, To Be Cured With A Little Smile

2009-02-08T14:50:00.003+08:00

Everyone needs to lighten up a little. Life's only bad to us if we want it to be bad. Life's only dragging if we wake up every morning with a heavy heart and a frown. Lighten up.

I especially hate someone who ruins the day for others. It's bad enough that you have to wake up early everyday, put on something which you know wouldn't be comfortable to last throughout the day, battle the demon that is the traffic and part with your loved ones just so that you can feed them everyday (okay this is not that bad a reason).

With all those negative elements combined, you sincerely hope things wouldn't be so bad at the office; great friends, cool environment, good enough pay.

Then, come one spoiler. A big one. Humongous would be an understatement. If there is a bigger animal than the whale, this guy's "spoiling" capabilities would be on the same level of hugeness.

He's not that bad if he walks past you with a smile, or with a friendly hello (or at least answers mine) or just wink a little (okay not wink that would be highly inappropriate). The fact that he cannot strive a little to do any one of these tiny gestures really messes up his chances of getting a raya card from me (I doubt he cares).

The whole "work hard, we are not a government office, all these backlogs must be cleared off soon" act is not cute...at all! Not that you're trying to be cute, I know. But it's not helping. We need a more relaxing environment to work in. The work is boring, it's pretty much routine and everyone seems to be good enough to stay in their cubicle to focus on their job. Give us space man!

If I wanted constant drilling, I would have chosen the army.

Okay you're the boss. It's your right to want us to do our job like everything else in the world doesn't matter for that 8 hours. But, smile a little. Say it kindly.

Where is this post going? Nowhere. It's just a typical ranting of a disgruntled worker.

Peace everyone, and smile a little.

Sofeah Wants to Balik Kampung

2009-01-21T22:20:00.003+08:00

Me and wife (and of course Sofeah) are planning on going back to Rompin-Pekan-NZ this weekend. It has been a long time since we’ve made that trip and so we are excited. Of course this would be the first time we do it on our own accord and also the first time Sofeah will travel that far.

We really are excited to show Sofeah our kampung and also to show our kampung, Sofeah. It really cannot come at a better time. She is so cute now as she is able to grasp the surroundings and react.

She is one talkative girl. If we say something to her she will answer back with long sentences that obviously won’t make sense, but cute. She now speaks with expressions. Sometimes she would say something with a serious face but most of the time she would smile and talk and also giggle at the end of her sentences. I just cannot get her jokes though.

Running up to the balik kampung this weekend hon bun caught a fever. Initially she only felt her body aching and also dizziness. But then she started to shiver and my mum brought her to the doctor. Since there are a lot of Dengue and Chikungunya cases in recent months, we were quite afraid of the outcome of her checkup. But good news, it’s just a fever. Pheeeww~ (well not that good, because she’s still sick…)

So anyway, another reason why we can’t wait to show our grannies Sofeah is because she just learned to roll over! The thing is she doesn’t even know how she did it. The first time she did it was in front of my eyes. She kicked her legs several time (as she always does because she is quite aggressive), and before you know it she jolted and rolled over. Her right hand got stuck under her body because she still hasn’t figured out the proper method yet. Her expression though is the funniest I’ve ever seen - she was surprised with her own ability. Then of course she did it again today while I was at work. Don’t know how it happened this time since my wife only saw her when she has already turned over.

Something that happened at the end of last week and still is the case today, i.e. the rashes on her face, is something that we are not too proud of. You see, if a child drinks from her mother’s milk, there is a chance that they will develop rashes if the milk is not cleaned off her face properly. Since Sofeah is an aggressive drinker, always smothering her face with milk, it’s kinda hard to keep it clean. So she got a bit of a rash but now it’s subsiding. I think she will be back to looking her cutest by Friday night.

Here's hoping that we would balik kampung and come back from kampung safely.

I Like Photography...But It's Expensive

2009-01-09T19:53:00.006+08:00

I used to have a hobby. Photography. It's an expensive hobby and at that time when I was into it, I didn't have money to spare. I wasn't making money at all and didn't look to have any source of income.

Now that I do have an income, I find that my priority lies away from any hobby. Even though I am still interested in photography, I don't think it's worth the expenses.

But! I'm slowly getting into it again. The thing is, I don't have those fancy DSLRs and expensive cameras. I only have my Yashica. My faithful Yashica FX-3. Here's a little known fact about that particular camera, it was produced in 1979! Therefore it is a manual SLR that requires films.

Films my friends, are expensive. Buying it is one thing, developing it is another. It's expensive!

Furthermore, with SLRs, you don't get to see your product until it is done. Thus, if you don't have the correct lighting, you set the whole thing wrong, you get the shutter speed or the aperture wrong, then you're screwed.

If for example you go to an event with the camera in your hand, eager and excited to take a picture, and have raised your hopes up high in taking beautiful pictures, but mistakenly you set the whole thing wrong - then that's it. The whole event might well be captured in a dark, gloomy and under exposed still images. Sad.

Nonetheless, I am still quite excited to take pictures. I see it as something that I can be passionate about. It is something that would take me away from all the troubles of the past, present and future. Something that hides me from the monstrosity of recent global events. With pictures, the images are still. Every detail can be scrutinized and every inch of a single beautiful image can be appreciated.

I've recently taken new pictures of my wife, my daughter, events and sights. Another problem with films is that, the pictures have to be scanned and saved into the computer before I can actually upload it. Since I don't have a scanner I have to do it at my mum's. But, passion should be followed up with sacrifice and hardwork right?

Well, here are some of my older pictures (taken 2-3 years ago).

Some of my other pics can be viewed at http://www.flickr.com/photos/wunr/

I haven't updated it for quite awhile (same with my blogs...just no time no more!!). But I can assure newer pictures are available, just not scanned yet.

Sofeah is Cute and Faridatul is My Wife

2008-12-31T18:43:00.005+08:00

It’s been awhile since I’ve posted anything about my daughter. She is now a very cute and adorable girl. She was cute before, but now, she’s way cuter.

This is simply because she is now able to respond. She is now able to play and is able to focus on her surroundings. She lights up the whole house with her smile. Her smile is just great.

Now she can giggle and knows how to attract our attention. If we let her be for a few minutes, she will be calling us with a grunt. Sometimes when we eat, we let her accompany us at the side (laying in her bassinet), after awhile she will voice out a long sigh - bored because we’re not entertaining her.

Sometimes that’s all she wants us to do, entertain her. She’ll force herself to be awake because she wants to play.

Also when she wants to play and we do not do just that, she will start to be in a certain mood. She will moan until we do actually play with her or pick her up. And we do pick her up she will sulk and not look at us. Even if we turn her head towards us her eyes would roll and look elsewhere. How cute is that?

Good thing she sleeps soundly at night though. So far waking up early morning is not in our daily schedule. She will sleep latest by 12 (rarely happens) and wake up earliest at 5. It’s good that she heeds to our training because it would be troublesome if she wakes up early morning and the next day both of us need to go to work.

Sofeah has been a really good girl. So far she will only cry if we leave her alone for too long a time or if she’s hungry. Apart from that she will remain a good girl, squirming at times but not crying excessively.

She also adapts well. Before, she would scream on top of her lung if we sit her in her car seat or on her bouncer, but now she accepts it with little protest. If we let her be in the living room, we will turn on Playhouse Disney to keep her company - and she will actually watch quietly and at times excitedly (her eyes can’t really see clearly yet and will supposedly only see colors when she reaches the 4^th month, but she can now respond to sounds and not see in double vision)

One cheeky trait of hers has got to be her persistent leg kicking and climbing. It’s not troubling for us, but it is for her. If we lay her in the middle of the bed, she will kick her way up to the point that her head touches the pillows at the headboard - in which time she will cry because she is stuck.

We also have reasons to believe that it won’t be long until she rolls over. She has been kicking herself up and lifting her body sideways these past few weeks - but just barely turning herself over.

Best of all is the fact that she is really close to her mother. Just seeing the mother makes her smile. At night when she cannot sleep, her mother just needs to hug her close to her chest and she’ll sleep soundly. She also responses to her mother’s voice - sometimes it seems like she’s trying to say something back.

Just now I had my longest conversation with her thus far. I accidentally clipped her ears (not much just a pinch) and she wanted to cry. But she didn't. Instead she smiled and talked (gugu gaga) to me. That's her funniest and cutest moment for me. When I asked her "did it hurt?", she actually answered "enggak", which me and my wife wittingly translate as "nope". We also have reasons to believe that she will speak Indonesian as a third language. Hee.

Nur Alya Sofeah, stay as nice and cute forever and I’ll support your higher education. Haha kidding! I’ll support you if that’s what you want and if I am able too. Love you!

We Are 1 Year Old!

2008-12-29T18:58:00.003+08:00

Happy anniversary to me and my wife. Our marriage is 1 year old today. Hooray!

Throughout this 1 year it has been nothing but exciting and wonderful. Here's hoping that the years ahead would be just as blessed and tremendous as it is now.

This entry would not be long for the simple fact that I've documented most of the events that happened during this past 1 year and therefore no use describing the same emotions, events and happenings again right?

Probably just the highlights...here goes:

- Moved in to my in-laws'

- Finished my degree and then looked for work (found out that the wifey is a prego)

- Got work and moved in to my mum's

- Baby's first whatevers in the tummy (burp, fart, wiggle, punch, etc.)

- Looked for an apartment and rented our current home

- Moved in to our home with nothing but a fridge and a mattress (and this computer)

- Started filling the house with stuffs...slowly but satisfyingly

- Threw a house warming cum raya celebration open house which most of our friends attended and we were very happy about that

- Sofeah was born and very happy about that too

- Sofeah got mild jaundice and very worried about that

- Me and wife celebrated my birthday at home with Sofeah (for the first time!)

- Very happy with how the one year has turned out...been absolutely blessed

Happy :)

Saya, Dr. Love

2008-12-26T11:17:00.002+08:00

I’ve recently witnessed something that made me think? Apakah cinta dan bagaimana seseorang itu mengetahui samada dia sedang dilamun cinta atau ia hanyalah permainan perasaan.

Saya tidak takan tackle persoalan ini based on my analysis only, tapi saya akan relate sedikit sebanyak dengan pengalaman sendiri.

The thing is, baru-baru ini saya perhatikan salah seorang rakan lama saya bercinta. Memang, pada pendapat saya, ini adalah cinta pertamanya. He is not the same person as he was before (which is shy and just an alpha male sort of guy - but shy). Ini bukanlah sesuatu yang tidak baik untuk dirinya - sometimes people need to overcome their ego, in fact most of the time people need to do that!

Bagaimanapun, as is anyone who wants to commit to something, perasaan tidak yakin (syubhah) itu sentiasa berlegar dalam dirinya. Adakah dia ni the right one? Adakah ini cinta hati saya? Bolehkah saya dapat yang lebih baik? Adakah rugi jikalau saya lepaskan dia? Pada pendapat saya dia ni 50-50, macam tu dah cukup baik ke? Questions that can never be answered.

So let me relate to my own past... *Play in your mind the typical reminiscing sound*

Saya dan isteri saya telah berkenalan selama lebih kurang 3 tahun. Kami telah berkahwin selama 1 tahun (29.12.07 - yeah anniversary!!) dan sebelum itu pernah ”berpacaran” selama lebih kurang setahun lebih sikit.

Waktu kami berjumpa, isteri saya merupakan ”milik orang” dan dia kelihatan ”ok”. Tapi what can you do when you want someone kan ? Tidak lama kemudian saya dapat tahu dia tidaklah sebahagia yang disangkakan dan saya offer diri saya untuk membahagiakan dia - which turns out great.

So anyway, walaupun kami merasakan cinta kami tulus, ikhlas, setia and what not, still the relationship went like a rollercoaster. Kejap kat atas, kejap kat bawah.. Kadang-kadang mabuk, kadang-kadang sakit, kadang-kadang bosan, kadang-kadang gembira sangat-sangat. Biasalah kan? Naik rollercoaster pun macam tu.

Isu yang sentiasa menjadi penghalang kepada ultimate happiness waktu kami dating dulu ialah, kepercayaan dan karakter. Saya macam ni, dia macam tu. Dia ni tak yakin saya ni pula tak kisah. Lepas to top it all of, komunikasi kami hanyalah terhad kepada ”I Love you” dan “buat apa tu?”.

Adakala kami akan bercakap tentang masa depan, expectations, and everything else. Tapi masih, pada pendapat saya, kurang berkomunikasi secara mendalam tentang apa yang kita mahukan dan penerimaan kita terhadap karakter masing-masing. Bagi saya ini penting kerana jika dibiarkan, sampai satu tahap kita akan jemu atau berasa jengkel.

Tetapi yang paling penting ialah kepercayaan. In fact, waktu kami mula bercouple dulu memang isu paling serius yang boleh dikatakan menjadi penyebab kepada constant argument ialah ’trust’.

Waktu kami dating dulu kami berdua belum betul kenal diri masing-masing. So akibat saling tidak mengenali ini, kami sentiasa syakwahsangka dan berasa tidak senang hati. Dia ada kawan lelakinya dan saya ada kawan perempuan saya. Normal isn’t it?

But I had one friend whom she had always been jealous of (people who knows me well knows who this girl is). I know this and I didn’t care (at that time).. Bukanlah saya tidak kisah langsung, pada mulanya memanglah saya kisah juga. But even with the most outstanding assurance pun dia masih ragu-ragu, saya pun concede to my rebellious side.

Sampai satu tahap, saya kata saya sudah tidak larat dan saya pun minta clash. That, people, is both the most stupidest and the most intelligent decision I’ve ever made.

Stupid why? Because not only did I convinced this girl to leave another man for me - which was a rollercoaster ride of its own, emotionally and physically - but also because I deep down knew, dia ni lah gadis yang I want to spend the rest of my life with tetapi disebabkan perasaan ragu-ragu yang hanya wujud kerana ego saya sendiri saya lepaskan dia.

Intelligent because, ia mengubah diri saya dan juga diri dia. Kami somehow jadi lebih matang mentally dan juga memberi kesedaran tentang apa yang kami lepaskan, iaitu cinta. Well at least itu yang saya fikirkan. Bukanlah kami tidak berpeluang bertemu dengan orang lain, (because trust me, we were in the hunt and we both almost got something out of it - and almost miss out on each other for eternity) tapi takdir dah ditentukan, Alhamdulillah.

So my point is, walaupun cinta macam pasti dan cinta tu jelas, tidak semestinya ia tidak akan menyebabkan sebarang percanggahan pendapat antara dua pasangan dan tidak akan menyebabkan pertalian itu tegang. Cinta bukan perfect. Tetapi pada masa yang sama, tidak semestinya kerana adanya ketegangan itu maka itu bukanlah cinta. Again, cinta bukan perfect.

So apa yang pasti, ego tu mestilah dihadkan dan sebarang permasalahan mestilah diselesaikan dengan berkomunikasi. Sebab dengan hanya membiarkan ia, i.e. malas nak layan, taknak jawap SMS, taknak jawap panggilan semua tu memang tidak akan menyelesaikan apa-apa.

Pada setiap masa kita malas nak layan, kita merugikan masa kita mengenali diri masing-masing. Ia juga merugikan masa kita untuk menentukan perasaan kita sendiri, samada hendak meneruskan hubungan ini atau tidak. Apa gunanya kita merugikan masa kita untuk menentukan perasaan sendiri apabila akhirnya kita decide untuk tidak meneruskan hubungan tersebut?

Spend as much time as you can muster learning about each other or better yet just marry and spend your time learning about each other then. Itu bagi saya, adalah cara yang terbaik. Perkahwinan memang akan mengubah segalanya, and trust me, it’s way better.

Tolak ego, tolak cacat cela, tolak perasaan ragu yang disebabkan perkara remeh dan fikirlah, adakah cinta ini boleh kekal? If it an instant, yes, then just marry. Kahwin ni elok sebab kita tidak akan berasa serba salah dengan Allah (which is the main reason why we start to have doubts) and also, kita akan lebih rapat dan sebarang masalah mesti diselsaikan tanpa boleh didolak dalih.

*Ini sebenarnya a form of advise tapi tidak mahu ‘directly’ advise the intended subject. Harap faham.

Grand Dinner, and Then Some

2008-12-21T06:49:00.004+08:00

Last Friday night 3 important things happened; first of all, it was the first time me and my wife went out without bringing Sofeah (we left her with my mom), secondly me and my wife got to eat Arabian food (I mean like real Arabian food) and lastly I saw what the real world is really like (having been cooped up in UIA for years).

The 'leaving Sofeah at home without us part' went great. She drank 2 bottles of milk, she slept and also played with my mum. My wife is very happy that went well because in less than 2 weeks time, she has to go back to work (with a heavy heart I'm sure) and leave Sofeah in the care of my mum. She has to learn to drink breastmilk from a bottle and do all those baby stuff without her mum.

Arabian food is sour. Well not he food, the dips are. I think we had like 7 different dips that night and most of them are sour. Why did we eat Arabian food? Because last Friday night, the organization I work with had their Annual Grand Dinner at the Mandarin Oriental and the theme was "Arabian Night".

Surprisingly, me and my wife enjoyed the food. It was a 3 course meal and for the first course they provided us with different kinds of bread and a variety of dips. My wife really enjoyed the first course. The main course that night was rice (briyanni I think but I'm not sure) and kebabs. That was ok. For desert, pudding with grounded nuts. All in all, 7 out of 10.

Also that night, my eyes opened up to the real world. It's not that I don't know what the real world is actually like. But having lived in UIA for years and having my mind and sight protected from a lot of distasteful deeds, my droopy eyes opened up wide yet again.

Believe me, I was not prepared for what I saw that night and my wife was also in similar a state of unpreparedness.

Back when I was a child, my dad used to bring me to one of these events and during that time also I was exposed to these things. However, I was too little to appreciate any of it and the worst I saw was celebrities in skimpy dresses singing on stage (that I can watch on the Tele right?). But I also remembered watching a burlesque show (not all out) when I went on a holiday in Australia, but those are of white people, so that was different.

Back to Friday night, when the room to the grand ballroom was finally opened that night, we were welcomed by belly dancers shaking their hips to loud music on a platform staged all across the room. It was like entering a strip club (which my only experience is seeing it on TV).

Then these belly dancers started dancing all over the place. They circled every table and moved their hips to ogling eyes of the male patrons (well not patrons we were there for the Grand Dinner and not all were ogling I'm sure).

Being in that situation, I didn't know what to do. It was so weird. I'm sure some people consider it as something normal and all, but seriously, I miss the time when I was cooped up in an Islamic environment - belly dancers just doesn't bode well with me especially since my wife is right next to me!

But the platform dancing didn't last through out the night. It was just the night's opening show. Then we were treated to a less sultry but still distasteful shows - especially because the performers are my colleagues!

They have this competition for best performance and the participants are the organization's fellow employees. I think the winning group gets something like a thousand ringgit. There were 5 performance that night (3 for the competition and the 2 others were for show I guess). During all of the performances, I can see my friends on the same table looking at each other feeling awkward and unsettled.

The thing is, next monday we will be seeing those belly dancing, bootie shaking, breasts bouncing performers and are they expecting us to watch them in the same light again? They went from polished sophisticated executives to...I don't what to call them that night.

I can see the older experienced people looking at things rather normally and appreciating the fact that those performers have got talent. The Chairmen actually said that she didn't know they had it in them and was pleased with how the night went. Some of the more conservatives were probably not looking at the stage for the whole night (except for a lame magic show which was totally lame!)

Well that is life I guess.

However, on lighter note, I did win something that night from the lucky draw. That part was pleasing to me (but the grand prize was a home theatre and there were also holiday prizes and a Samsung handphone which I missed out - I got a slow cooker...at least I won something right? Hmm...)

I Want Me My Music

2008-12-15T19:01:00.003+08:00

One thing I really miss right now is my passion for music.

It’s not that I don’t love music anymore, it’s just that I find myself less enthusiastic about finding the newest up and coming bands, buying CDs from my favorite music store and also updating myself on the latest news of my top 5 favorite bands (in fact I don’t do any of these things anymore).

A year ago I would have been standing in front of the CD stack in Music Centre Atria Damansara checking out new CDs to add to my collection. The raw sounding of The Script’s music would have attracted me no doubt and I would have downloaded the new Phantom Planet album - or even order it through the net if I have the money to buy.

Now I’m too lazy to do any of those mentioned above, and more.

I guess my enthusiasm stems from having nothing do back then and also having no responsibility and I had too much time to spend - now I have a family.

Though I do believe that having a family should not have stopped me from continuing my love for music, it just so happen, my enthusiasm now lies with creating a sound atmosphere for me and my wife. Music takes too much of my time and money which I can’t possibly share with my wife.

What saddens me though is that I listen to a lot of radios nowadays and having to listen to the same music again and again makes me miss my old passion for music.

During my university days (which was when I started crazing for alternative music) I would spend hundreds per month for CDs. I would spend hours per day just listening to music, singing along like crazy in my room (which I do not know to what extent would annoy my roommates) and exploring and searching for new bands to admire (and sometimes regret).

The last album I downloaded was Bloc Party’s (woohooo!) and also Interpol’s (weeehuuu!). Other than that I’ve lost touch. Sadder, is the fact that I have not listened those albums thoroughly yet. I can’t even name the 2 albums’ titles! Waaaaaa!

Here’s a little known fact about my passion for music. I’ve been listening to music since primary school. I remember liking Greenday and also The Offsprings (but regrettably I also had a slight fondness for 911 and ehem…BSB - very slight!! My God! So slight! If you blinked you’d miss it!) Ehem…moving on.

Then my dad also exposed me to some old school rock like Deep Purple, Eagles, The Beatles, White Snake, Scorpions, and some other bands also. He also liked Mariah Carey which I was also influenced (I can sing along to most of Mariah Carey’s hit songs…haha).

But my real passion for music started when I was 18, with a little band called….wait for it…believe it or not…here goes…All American Rejects! Haha. Not an influential band nor are they revolutionary, they are just a fun band to listen to at that time. We were flanked with a lot of Linkin Park, Korn, Limp Bizkit and the likes of Simple Plan and Good Charlotte for lighter sounds, so AAR is kind of a breath of fresh air (now there are tons of similar sounding American trad brick bands).

Well from then on I really like music. I've moved on to more alternative sounds like The Strokes and The Hives and explored those areas. So my interest varies from classic epic rock band like Led Zeppelin to modern epic rockers like Mars Volta and Sigur Ros. I am very fond of old classic rock and rollers like Buddy Holly, Elvis and Chuck Berry to new rockers like Interpol and The White Stripes. Also some smooth sounding Corrine Bailey Rae, Lene Marlin and James Morrison is good as well.

But that has all past and now I can only look forward to hearing some Rihanna and David Archiletta in the morning whilst I drive to work. Don't get me wrong, I do enjoy some of the music I hear in the morning (I think Flo Rida is quite a good rapper and anything from Chris Brown is good to sing along).

Well, I leave you with my 5 favorite bands which I recommend:

1) Bloc Party

2) Interpol

3) Black Rebel Motorcycle Club

4) The Strokes

5) Arctic Monkeys

(Guns n' Roses, Foo Fighters, Nirvana, Oasis and the likes are known to be great! No need to mention)

Happy Birthday To Me...

2008-12-11T20:17:00.004+08:00

Yes I'm 23 years of age today and I don't think I look a year older than I was in 2007. But a lot has changed apart from that.

A year ago my status was still 'in a relationship' and not yet 'married'. A year ago I was still attending classes and did not have any income. A year ago I was staying with my mum and was lazing around most of the time. A year ago, I cannot even imagine having a child of my own, a child now named Sofeah.

I remember at about this time last year I just told my friends that I'm getting married and the shock on their faces were priceless. Mujahid and Zarep were talking about marriage and their 'plans' on their future and I suddenly bud in to say "by the way, I'm getting married on the 29th". They stopped their conversation right away and barraged me with endless queries - funny.

At the age of 23, married to a lovely lady and being a father are probably 2 of the best gifts I could ever ask for. I am thankful for the sheer loyalty and trust my wife has given me this past year (the 29th is our anniversary) and the effort she has put in, in order to make this marriage a blissful one for me thus far.

Sofeah is the best thing that has ever happened to me this past 23 years. I've had quite a hard time since getting married from being unemployed, a parasite of so many homes, having to deal with the wife's pregnancy and having nothing at all; Sofeah however has really shed light on all these hurdles and brought about the most invaluable reward a man could ever ask for in this world.

My colleague asked me this morning, how does it feel like being 23 (relatively young) and already a father. I had no answer for it. All I could say is, I feel alright. But now that I had time to think, the most appropriate answer for me would be: Sofeah makes me feel 12 and at the same time she makes me feel 50. With her I am both the youngest and the oldest at heart. She makes me feel special in a way that I am both matured and child-like. That's what makes her special for me regardless of my age.

Therefore, after 23 years living in this unpredictable world, I look forward to another 50 years (If Allah permits) of joy and happiness shrouded with unpredictability together with Faridatul Bariza and Sofeah and hopefully Sofeah's little brothers and sisters to come. Insya'Allah.

My Lovely Family...Love you all!

When I Grow Up I Want To Be...

2008-12-07T20:42:00.008+08:00

Today the family went to Midvalley to buy some stuffs for the baby. We bought a blanky, towel and some small but necessary stuff. It was good fun. I had to carry Sofeah using a carrier, one of those hugger thing that compels the baby to hug you. That thing is quite comfortable, but, after some time I kind of feel a back pain.

This was taken on 30/11/08. Later you'll see the picture of her bald and chubbier

We walked for almost 3 hours around the mall and of course the back pain got worse. Which got me to do some thinking, how old am I? I felt old. Joe got it right, "kecik-kecik dah ada osteoporosis". It's not that I got it, it's just something which led me to think along that line. Huu~

Then at night I watched Camp Rock with my wife (since there's nothing on TV), and that got me to do some thinking as well. Rock, music, performing - something which I had passion for. Not performing as in musical theatre or anything, just plain rock band kind of performance.

See, since I was little I had a dream of becoming so many things and these dreams continues to vary itself even till now. I remember answering the age old question "what do you want to be when you grow up?", at the tender age of 9 and answering, "a lawyer". Back then I didn't know squat about being a lawyer or what it actually is, it's just something I hear a lot perhaps.

That dream didn't last long of course. I remember also wanting to be an entrepreneur, a shoe designer to be more specific. Don't know why, I don't really care or even like shoes. But at that time I remember shoes being the big thing (I don't know if that is still the case).

Later on there's also that dream of becoming a comic artist. I can draw a bit, but very lousy compared to those professionals. In fact crappy if you want to set a standard in my family. My brother is an accompalished comic artist and my dad used to publish the first superhero comic in Malaysia, Supermat (at least, I think it's the first - well that project didn't last long).

Then came high school and that period was a confusing one. I really don't think I knew what I wanted to be. At one point I did think of becoming a religious teacher. But that didn't work out either. Yeah, high school was a lost cause for me. I blame the education system.

At the end of high school I had a choice, but since our education system has set a certain standard upon what we can and cannot be based on our performance, I didn't have that much of a choice.

Wanted to do economics but I didn't do so well. Wanted to do a degree in Arab language but I was too afraid. Then I focussed on three options; english, law or becoming a teacher. My passion lies with the first option, but my greedy nature went with the second - the third was just a safety net.

So that got me on track to my first ever "dream" which is becoming a lawyer. But, I never really wanted to follow through with it anyway. I know I will not end up a lawyer, nor will I ever enjoy studying law. Just went with the flow.

Funny enough, on course to becoming a law related professional, I had other dreams as well. Sad but true - sad because I'm old enough to know what I want, but still dream of what I know I won't get to be. I remember wanting to become a chef. I had passion for cooking, but no real skills.

Here's the kicker though, I picked up on learning the guitar and wanted to become a musician. I was crazy about music. I love rock. People would say that I don't have the mainstream ears, but that's just because we're living in a country that doesn't really expose us to more music. So anyway, I learned music pretty well (I also enrolled in organ classes when I was in primary school), so I wanted to do that as a living.

However, I know I won't get the chance at all. I wrote some songs, created some of my own brand of music and also recorded a few things (sad quality by the way) but I never had the resources. I never had the money to pursue it, not even to buy a decent guitar (mine was the cheap kind) or to buy a good set of microphone and recording stuffs to record my music. So I lost any hopes for it and decided to be logical and abandon it all together.

My only performance on stage with at least a hundred people in the crowd. I totally sucked that night

Plus, knowing the talents that are out there really put me off. It's not that I don't want to fight for my place on the big stage, but ekh, why bother?

But I must say, I've performed a few times in my university days and I kind of like the feel of it. Maybe one day I'll just do it for fun.

So now, I'm nowhere close to being any of the people I've just stated earlier and I still do not know what I want to be. Politician is an enticing option, but the thought of getting roped in into our political landscape have somewhat got me to think more than twice. I guess doing what I do now is okay. It's not the 'wake up every morning can't wait to go to work' kind of thing, but at least I provide food on the table everyday and a roof on top of my family's head right?

I guess after a certain point in life, you don't do what you want to do but do what you have to do. I applaud and am quite envious of those people who gets to do what they want to do. I know those who have become lecturers who just love teaching, or the lawyers who are happy to be knee deep in documents and papers and also those bankers who are just crazy about saving other people's money and keeping some for themselves as well.

I kind of feel that my passion lies either in writing or teaching. Writing is something that soothes me and I'm totally crazy about, but teaching is something noble and ultimately, that's what I want to be as a person.

I guess, my time will come. Just have to wait and see. But hey, even if I don't get to be something that I'm totally passionate about, if I can make money of what I don't really want to be then that's a win-win situation right? Hmmm...

Owh, the back pain is gone by the way. Sofeah has really grown these past few weeks, she's heavy. So cute now. Hope she can avoid going through what I'm growing through right, not knowing what I want to be. When she grows up, she can be whatever she wants to be (provided it is Syari'ah compliant). Hopefully I'm able to let that happen without intervening too much.

Sofeah puked on herself and well I decided to take a picture. See how she's grown?

Rumorists

2008-12-05T17:45:00.003+08:00

Some say 99% of rumors in Malaysia turns out to be facts. Is that true? No doubt rumors have been a constant torn in today’s highly developed and yet narrow minded world. As a result of globalization and the perversion of privacy in every corner of the globe to every being of that same globe, the world all and all would one way or another be affected by - rumors.

The global economic crisis is testament to this. One of the big firms, Morgan-Stanley, stocks for this firm fell sharply due to rumors, started out by those who stand to gain from the loss of this big firm. The price of oil shot up during the June-July period because or rumors that oil would be scarce in several years time. Therefore, rumors are that dangerous.

Skip ahead to my point, rumors that are in those grand scales are worrying but it does not affect us directly. Sure we could lose our ability to provide sufficient food on the table in a couple of year’s time because of these global rumors, but I say, let the future us worry about that.

Unlike rumors spread concerning our private lives though. Don’t be a fool into thinking that since you’ve been extra nice to everyone it is impossible that anyone would ever create lies or misconstrue the truth about your life - that’s just childish.

Rasulullah s.a.w has already warned us about rumors, and we the people as usual, ignore such warnings (as we ignore several other warnings by him). Male, female and whoever you are of whatever gender you may be, cannot run away from rumors - creating one, joining one, being a victim of one or even over hearing one and reinvent your own version of those miscomprehended realities.

Sure probably half of the rumors you hear are true, but does the subject of that rumor really wants you to know the truth without him being consulted first? Is spreading news about one person without prior knowledge of the aforementioned person desirable?

At my age, the most constant rumor that swirls around is regarding one’s love life. This guy is with this girl, this guy likes this girl, this guy doesn’t like this girl but cannot turn himself away from her, etc. Fortunately this type of rumor does not affect your livelihood but does that little fact give you a huge relief? It probably does not.

Being a married man, I’m not worried about rumors that surround me - I doubt people talk about me that way anymore, anyway. However, I did hear some distasteful stuff about me before, in my university days. I don’t really mind because I never really found out the details. It’s not that I don’t want to - it just never reaches my ears.

I kind of like rumors about me. It shows that I’m thought of by others. Be it good or bad I don’t really mind. Good rumors are definitely welcomed. Bad rumors are slowly swept away under an already bulging rug. But as people continue to talk about me, at least my lone-ranger, island man, self-sufficient-self-made-man image I was trying to portray does not just leave a dumbass that people do not care about. I’m not ‘that guy who just passed by’.

Having said that, I don’t want rumors about me to destroy my reputation if it’s left untouched, i.e. not fixed, either. I’m not condoning rumors, I just think; it’s nice that people talk about me.

I worry for my friends though, in particular, one spectacle eyed boy.

Rumors are swirling and spreading like wild bonfires ready to engulf the surrounding boy scouts. He doesn’t mind, so that’s good. But he does worry about one thing, that it will ruin his relationship.

Now the question is this, why would he be worried if it’s not something that he wants?

I understand him thoroughly and I seriously do not condone rumors. It is one of the many things I hate, including among others, chewing with you mouth open (and creating those annoying nyap-nyap sound), disrespecting the elders, loud talkers who screams on top of their lungs to people mere inches away and lousy drivers who thinks signaling is lame and just so uncool.

Taking this to the blog is way out of hand so no more touching on this issue. I don’t want people to start spreading rumors about pink ponies, doctors or marriages now do I?

Sofeah Is So Cute!

2008-12-02T18:07:00.003+08:00

Sofeah's bald now! Hee...

Read more about it in her memoir http://sofeahsmemoir.blogspot.com/

So cute :)

That's all for this entry. Haha.

I'm Happy To Be Tired

2008-11-30T17:04:00.003+08:00

The baby is 1 month old now. Healthy and getting chubbier by the day. The mother is proud because, well it's her milk that helped the baby's development. I'm happy for her as well :)

You people would've known by now, or would have known about it anyway, any person who has a child - a baby to be exact - does not get much sleep. It comes with the package; get a baby, get less sleep - not a great promotion but damn worth it.

However, to my surprise, no matter how many sleepless nights you get and no matter how tiring it may seem, things aren't so bad. I find myself sleeping less during work then I do when she wasn't born yet. Okay, I don't sleep at work (in case my boss surprisingly reads my blog out of the blue), but there are times when I nearly doze off - there are also times when little pink ponies visit me from out of nowhere and bring me treats and suddenly disappears into the front drawer of my desk...magic.

So anyway, I guess it's either my body maturing, my body accepting the fact that I won't ever get enough rest or I've always been like this without me realizing it. I think it's the first.

Like yesterday, a Saturday, you would expect a tired old hag like myself finding time to sleep and try his best to at least compensate any lost of hours during the weekdays right? Well not really. I did worse. Went out -- with the baby -- to Ikea just so that my wife can satisfy her desire for those $2 hot dogs (it is 2nd best to 1901 she said). Tiring indeed.

Then got home, felt a bit tired and had the chance to sleep. I did sleep, for I would say, 45 minutes and my body sprang up as if I've slept for 2 hours or so. I wasn't totally satisfied but I wasn't complaining either.

Life's like that I guess. You cannot be too sure of what's going to happen if you see others go through it. But once you're in that lane and the train behind you is catching up, I guess all you can do at that moment is run. Run and even if you're tired you just run. Run, forest...run. (In Forest Gump, he never knew he could run until he had to run - deep...very deep)

Today, being a Sunday, my cousin had her wedding and me and family went. Tiring. Then we got back home, tried to rest but unable -- the cenonet woke up when we wanted to sleep and slept when there's no time for us to sleep -- and in the evening we had to go buy grocerries. Still no sleep, tired but it's not that bad, honest.

I can't imagine myself in the next 6 months, I might grow eye bags and be impossibly thinner than I am right now. However, I might also be the exact opposite and be livelier and fatter. Aaah yes that's the dream.

My wife is in the same state of tiredness/okay as me. However she is still recovering from the birth-giving and therefore I think she is doing remarkably well. People kept on saying how she's lively and doesn't look like being in 'confinement'. My mum uses the word ligat - to good effect.

So if you hear how having a baby takes away your time and your youth, well they are only partly true. They do take your time, but ask yourself this, what have you been doing with your time before? They do take away your youth, but aren't we only growing older and more mature? What's wrong with that? However that doesn't mean you stop being, you.

Believe me, nothing feels better than being worn out by a little cute baby.

Praying for Brooke the 2nd

2008-11-26T18:22:00.003+08:00

The official family car right now is a Perodua Kelisa. Not much of a family car now is it? Well it’s not. I’m grateful for that car - at least I have a transport to go to work and other places kan?

But since I have a child, the situation changes, drastically.

2 weeks ago (breaking the customary rule of pantang), we went to my aunt’s house in Shah Alam. I wanted to service the car so I don’t want to leave my wife and child behind. So we stopped by my aunt’s place since it’s near.

We have this carrier/car seat for Sofeah which is great. Light, considering other carriers and also very comfortable. However, it's quite big (as are other carriers). Therefore it takes up a lot of space in the car. I only realized it on our trip to my aunt's.

Then came last week. Me and hon bun decided to eat McD for lunch (quite unusual but none of us fancied cooking and wifey wants to get out of the house). Again we brought Sofeah -- of course -- and again the sight of the carrier taking up half of the back seat was an eye sore.

Surely something must be done. Why not get a new car?

That's my short term aim now. A family car is perhaps the right thing to buy at the moment. I am not quite settled on everything else, but safe to say, there's enough space to squeeze in a new car. I don't want to rely on the in-laws (the current car) now since I have my own means and I am quite confident of doing things independently.

But the problem now is the car itself. Which? 2nd hand or brand new? How big?

I'm thinking of buying a good solid 2nd hand car which is not too old (manufacture date wise) and yet affordable and I don't have to pay too much monthly. Probably a Malaysian made car is the only car which would meet that criteria for now - thus a Malaysian made 2nd hand car it is.

But I still have to wait till next year. If I get a good bonus this year then that would speed things up. If only the bonus is good this year (pray for me!!).

Trying To Break My Writer's Block

2008-11-23T08:47:00.004+08:00

While my daughter melueh (a form of mild puking) kat belakang ni, I am faced with a force that is trying to out manuever me from utilizing my creative thinking into writing something that is good enough - though I must say, most of my writings are somewhat mediocre compared to some out there...haih.

Babies, I leave that to my wife.

So anyway, in my previous entry I wrote something about my roommates. Since I've not met some of them for quite some time but I am in constant contact with them, I can only wonder how they're actually doing.

First of all, I'm the youngest of the bunch. But at the same time I'm the one who is married. That must leave a mark to all of them...haha. I know for a fact that Mokhtie really wants a wife, Nik wants to marry at the age of 30 and Zaref is the balance between the two.

Mokhtie is now a lecturer. A very dedicated one at that. The last time we texted, he was (presumably) busy doing his job and was the last one to actually leave the office. I mean if that's not dedication then what is? Or perhaps also, that is typical Mokhtie.

The Mokhtie I know would usually leave things to the last moment before he gets it done - especially with regards to assignment. Thus, I could only presume that the dateline for marking the exam paper is due soon, and he is only half way through it - he once finished an assignment right on the dateline, having started a mere one hour before.

Nik, well this guy is as confused as a cow in a leather factory. He is starting a career in the banking business having been retained by a bank that he is attached to. He is thinking of buying a house and also is doing a great job at, still not caring where his money goes in term of eating whatever he wants.

Zaref, well this guy is just eluding me. He's doing his chambering and that's all I know. I'm still waiting for 2 packs of diaper from this guy and hope he remembers.

On the love front of their lives, I could imagine that they are in the course of blooming with nature. Mokhtie can have a pick of anyone of his students, and I know for a fact that that is like entering a fantasy he never thought possible. All I can say is, good luck to you mate!

Nik is doing a good job of not being able to carry on his promise of marrying only when he is 30. He has got the desire to marry, I know. 'Buying' a house and wanting to so desperately 'meet' my 'cute' child only shows the desire he has in wanting the family life. Good for you mate!

Zaref, last I heard he wanted to pursue an amoi and he thoroughly believes that he's going to be successful in that approach. Well, being a descendant of the Chinese of course he wants to bridge that link again.

I like knowing that my friends are all doing very well. Mokhtie is actually doing something he likes, teaching a lot of hot young women. Nik is being paid quite well and thus makes him very happy. Zaref is on course to being the guy who would indefinitely bring Khairy Jamaluddin down - another lawyer politician.

I guess we are maturing now. The last time we were all together in a group was quite some time ago. But at that time I can assure you, none of us knew what's going to become of us when we are done with our degree. I guess the government is doing some things right, at least this four people - and many others also - are going through life challenged, but prepared.

Hand Me My Privacy Please

2008-11-18T20:55:00.004+08:00

Saya ada pengakuan. I like my privacy.

Menjak di zaman persekolahan, zaman universiti dan sekarang zaman pra dewasa (atau memang dah dewasa pun). Tapi privacy ni memang susah la nak dapat sebabnya dunia sedang melalui era globalisasi di mana arus global akan menentang apa sahaja yang sudah menjadi resam manusia dan membentuk satu resam baru yang diatur oleh the super powers of the world.

Merepek? Yes indeed.

Walaupun context perenggan kat atas tu terlampau luas dan lebih tertumpu kepada dunia, tapi dalam context kehidupan harian saya sendiri pun rasa lebih kurang camtu.

Masa zaman persekolahan dulu memang tak boleh nak buat apa. Duduk dengan mak dan ayah, pastu adik beradik ada 5 orang termasuk saya. Nak tak nak bilik kena share and remote control kena berebut (sebenarnya tak berebut pun, kat rumah tu dulu basis control adalah siapa dulu dia punya).

Zaman universiti barulah belajar berdikari dan hidup sendiri. Oh tapi tak boleh lupa zaman matrikulasi. Hidup sendiri, hanya dari segi tak ada pertolongan mak (ayah dah meninggal tak sempat tengok anak dia belajar tinggi-tinggi). Tapi dari segi privacy memang jangan harap. Satu bilik duduk 14 orang - tahniah!!

Then betul-betul masuk belajar kat Universiti. Kat Universiti privacy dah slowly ada tapi still lebih kurang je. Satu bilik 4 orang and ada compartment sendiri masing-masing -- kira okay la tu kan.

But, still tak boleh elak, samada orang datang bilik melepak, orang datang nak study sama or nak buat assignment ke apa. Tu memang redha la kan. Tu tak apa. Ada pulak kawan punya kawan datang melepak -- tu kurang sikit tapi boleh lagi accept. But kekadang tu tak boleh tahan gak. Kena pulak dulu duduk bilik, saya seorang je ada komputer. Jadi tempat melepak laa. But sama-sama roommates memang tak kesah, it's 'the others' yang I'm forced to accept.

Tak suka kadang-kadang tu bukan apa, nak kata ganggu tidur tak jugak. Lantak la nak buat apa, tidur tetap tidur jugak. It's just, suka nak duduk sendiri so that boleh buat hal sendiri.

Which brings me to my point. Sekarang duduk kat rumah sendiri dengan isteri dan anak. Sure sometimes orang datang, samada jemput ataupun tidak memang saya tak kisah. Provided they realise I am the man of the house and they are guests.

Saya memang tak kisah orang nak datang, nak tidur pun I don't mind. Tapi don't get too comfortable because I still want this house to be my immediate family's sanctity. Boleh lepak depan TV baring bersama isteri dan anak, boleh memekak (sebenarnya membebel) tanpa perlu was-was orang dengar ke tak dan boleh bermain-main dalam rumah dan basically buat macam rumah sendiri.

Bila ada orang (dan tak ada privacy) rumah sendiri pun tak rasa cam rumah sendiri. I mean I would like to have the option of walking around the house naked (ni just the thought of it laa, meaning benda boleh la kalau nak sangat buat -- tak semestinya akan buat).

Sekarang ni dengan keadaan dunia globalisasi dan kita kena juga terima arus perubahan ni seadanya saya redha je la. Bukan tak suka perubahan but if semua benda dalam dunia ni berubah I would like at least my privacy to remain intact.

I Miss Brooke!!

2008-11-16T20:24:00.003+08:00

I just went through some of the stuffs at the back room (where we keep all of the boxes and what not), it was quite nostalgic.

There are some things in there that brought fond memories of the not too distant past. I.e. the university days.

Unlike high school, University days were very significant in my life. Not to say high school was boring or irrelevant, it was relevant. But University brought up a certain inner maturity (my outer maturity has always been intact..uhuk!) and also held important episodes of my life.

University was where I met my wife, I learned about life and being independent, I studied a course which gave me the opportunity to be where I am today - high school never did anything for me except that I had a blast living without a care in the world!

As I went through I saw a notebook which I used when I broke up with my then girlfriend (now my wife) to write songs and notes and everything else in between. It was my comfort book. Reading it now - with my wife, the intended subject of the book - it is really funny.

One thing I really miss though is my roommates. These are some of the things you would never have known about them:

Nik sleeps like a mermaid. Every morning when he wakes up he will have his blanket right over his face. If I'm at my compartment, when he wakes up he will walk to my compartment and make a light conversation - at the same time he would scratch his head profusely (I don't think he's itchy, it's just something he does). He really likes to eat lavishly. Sometimes it's not that he eats expensive food, he just likes to buy whatever the hell he feels like eating (some of us doesn't have the luxury of not caring where your money goes to in terms of food). Nik has this run down car - something which I will elaborate later. He says the most extraordinary things at the most unexpected times - "I can't wait for J.K Rowling's book!" (you had to be there).

Zarep is a man's man. He doesn't like it when man touches him. In fact he is the only person in that room whom I was afraid to tickle - at first (I like to tickle, something that I must look into, therapy or something). Zarep loves the ladies. He would entertain any female companion if that person is interested. He has been caught entertaining the disturbing gender as well (by disturbing I mean of same sex but confused). But, being quite the cold hearted man, he would also be blunt and direct when need be. He thinks and react very quickly to ridicule anyone - the fastest mouth of any man I've ever known.

Cip is Cip. He sleeps when he wants to and eats when he wants to. Sometimes emotional but most of the time happy. When he's gloomy, the whole world glooms with him. When he's happy, the whole world lighten up. He is a fan of the western culture but at the same time is very rooted to his own. An enigma. His authority in that room is great. One time Nik incurred his wrath and without even saying a single word, got Nik to buy him a pack of cigarette, fruit juice, kerang bakar and keropok - within the space of 30 minutes. One of his promise includes - "Bila dah abih Universiti ni talian kawan kita putus" (his actual words). Till now, we are still in contact.

When I went through that back room, I found a box of stuff. I asked my wife to look at it and she found that miniature Koala doll which hugs things. It used to be an ornament in my old car - WLP 4241. I miss Brooke (that was its name - I was in love with Sophia Bush when I got the car). It was the official car for the roomies and me - until my fourth year.

Our official car changed during my fourth year. Nik's rundown Kancil was the substitue. Damn that Kancil. One time when me, Cip and Zarep had the urge to eat Nasi Lemak Malinja, we borrowed that beast from Nik. Nik had another event to attend to so he could not follow. That beast broke down half way, made noises which would attract people within sight of the car and had me (the driver) smiling to strangers as if nothing's happening while my friends duck to avoid being sighted. Damn.

The fondest of memories in the University days is of my wife and me. To say that our relationship then was a rollercoaster is an understatement. It was a cordless bungee jumping experience (not logical and over exaggerated). We went from being friends, lovers, ex-lovers, engaged and married in the space of one and a half year. Now we have a child together!

It all started on one night in UIA. Aaaahh yesss the fairy tale began during the 06/07 convocation fiesta. The final night of the convest, I was feeling hungry. Since the cafes were all closed, and I left the library quite late, the only obvious solution is the convest hill. How I dreaded going there. I had never gone there before. So I made some calls and found a friend who was a willing partner.

Having got there I met some other friends and decided to join them. One of these other friends also had some other people waiting to join him. That 'other people' was in fact my wife. A meeting by chance, was in fact a meeting by fate. I saw her, was attracted and now I consider it as something of a love at first sight. Though probably not the same for her. But as it all worked well anyway, whether or not the feeling was mutual at that time, I feel that night was the best damn thing that could have happened to me. I didn't get to finish my meal that night (was actually too nervous to eat...haha!), got the chance to show her my good side (I sent her and Hazimah back as it was too late) and got the feeling that that night wasn't the end of our meeting.

University days are great. If I could go through it all over again I would. But I won't change a thing with regards to the past (not true - of course I would change some stuffs, it is only prudent to do so).

But again, I miss Brooke. My first car. My first love. My companion. Mine, all mine. No more...

Pillow Between A Rock and A Hard Place

2008-11-13T17:56:00.004+08:00

I have a daughter.

But I work. That sucks.

I want to see my daughter, so I go home for lunch, which is okay considering that it only takes me 20 minute to drive home. But then I can only see her for 30 minutes and drive back to work.

After work I come home, too tired and sleepy (because of the constant waking up early morning - which is great) and would hardly have time to play with my child. That's life isn't it?

I'm planning to be one of those fathers who dedicate their life more towards their children than their career but at the same time do well in life.

I'm afraid to think about my chances of having such a blessed life.

Even now, when I'm just nobody, another employee, a greenhorn executive, life's already too overwhelming. Not that it's not good, life's great, but considering the circumstances, considering my aim and also my physical capabilities, where do I stand in the next 10-15 years?

By then I probably would like to have had a big step in my career, perhaps a Manager or General Manager or something. But also, at that time I would probably want my child to be in the best school, I want to pick her up every time the final school bell rings and have lunch with her, help her with her studies and projects, etc.

Would it be hard?

I'm a laid back kind of guy, but it seems that life has taken a toll on me and bringing me closer to the same route as other working fathers are using - on the road of life without any background music (even if there is, then the song would sound closer to any of Marilyn Manson's).

Still it's still too early to tell. Tired as it may seem, as haphazard as I may look, life is actually really good for me now. I'm still looking forward to the future as always, with a bag full of enthusiasm and a spoonful of sugar (which makes the life medicine go down).

Plus in the future I know for a fact my daughter won't be squirming every night at about 2 a.m. trying to get my attention (without actually opening her eyes - she wants milk). I know also that I'd be able to set out a routine so as to make it easier for me to organize things, whether personal or business. Just can't wait for things to settle down.

Talking about settling down, I've always said to some of my friends that I'd be hanging out with you guys more, or treat you guys dinner or lunch or whatever once I've settled down. I used to say it in April, now it's November and things still haven't settled down. Life's just that grand right now - no time lorrr, always something new happening or a project that needs my attention.

Right now it's my daughter of course, my lovely Nur Alya Sofeah. Also, my wife who hasn't fully recovered (getting closer). My humble abode is still too humble for my liking and that needs some addition. My career might take another exciting turn next month with me moving department and all (hopefully) so that's something unsettling as well. Let's just say, I'd give it another 5 years before I actually do settle down - but that's just wishful thinking.

For now, I just would like to say that life is never easy but at the same time it's not hard. It's just a pillow between a rock and a hard place - make sense of it whichever way you want to.

Sofeah doing the Spanish dance!

Ummi smells laa ayah!

Sofeah's froggy style nap

24/7...Baby!!!!

2008-11-05T15:53:00.003+08:00

I've not been updating my other blog because I'm not aware of the current political news. Also, I'm too busy with my Sofeah!!

It's official by the way, she's Nur Alya Sofeah Binti Muhammad Syazwan Rahimy. Cool, a person actually Binti-ing my name. The feeling is grand!

Baby really takes a lot of my time. But then again it's still early in the days and the routine is not really there yet. Some things need some getting used to while some other things are already a part of my life.

Waking up at night seems a breeze now. It's automatic. My movements are all set on cruise control. I sometimes don't even realise and would wake up every morning not as tired as one might think. I think it's natural. I mean, if people are too damn tired for it I don't think anyone would want more than one child.

As a father, I've felt things and emotions I've never felt before. I think things that I've never thought of before. I've done things I've only seen others doing. I'm planning things that I've never planned.

When the baby cries I feel bad. When the baby gets a little bit sick, I've never felt worst. When I see other kids on TV or anywhere I think about my own. Like yesterday, I saw on a documentary on diets (I'm not sure if anything on E! channel can be considered a documentary), and how the child died because of the father's insistence on giving the child same diet as his - a vegan.

I felt for the child. I worry for my own child. This feeling is overwhelming.

Just now, as I went to the government clinic to report my child (it's a procedure thing), I saw two kids running around while the father waits in the car. I thought, do fathers really want their child to be kidnapped or accidentally involved in some catastrophe? (an exaggerated word but I'm a father now and that's how I feel if something bad happens to little kids).

Sofeah is right now 6 days old, we have had some scares which I don't feel like expressing, but right now she's doing fine. She's a healthy baby and that's what matters the most. She drinks a lot from her mother (thank Allah her mother produces milk like a Nestle factory). She plays at times and sleeps most of the times. She has gained weight from the past 5-6 days - an impressive 200 grams.

She learns fast too. She can drink from both a bottle or the mother. Sometimes babies suffer from nipple confusion - when the baby drinks from one they refuse the other. But with Sofeah, as long as there's milk in it, give it to me. At night she prefers to sleep with the mother. If we turn off the light she will cry for milk. But she doesn't really want milk, she just wants to cuddle with her mum. She'll pretend drinking for awhile and then fall asleep. Cute ;p

I would rather her mum tell the whole story of Sofeah as she knows her better. Having pregnate her for 9 months, feed Sofeah with her own milk produce and also cry for the little things that the baby does or experience, I think she is the best women to describe Sofeah and tell things about her.

My wife is doing her best to recuperate and recover. So when she recovers fully I'm sure she'll tell it all. Right now, internet is something that she craves but limits herself.

30/10/2008 Sofeah's Birthday - My Story of that Wonderful Day

2008-11-02T09:30:00.011+08:00

Thursday, 30/10/08

6.20...

Woke up tired as the day before me and hon bun had gone shopping for the baby - last few baby stuffs. Hon bun had a bit of a back pain that night. She didn't sleep well. Me and mum adviced her to start taking leave. We were both worried as her due date was getting nearer.

6.30...

I asked her if she was okay, and she retorted with her usual answer,"I'm fine...". I believed her because she didn't show any signs of pain. Not like the night before, her back ached which kept her awake for hours (while I was sound asleep).

7.00...

Went off to work having had breakfast - well I did, I ate bread while she only drank milk. We both were as cheerful as ever because we completed our shopping for the baby stuff and discussed only about the baby. We discussed on the plans for Saturday, Sunday and the 'fateful' Monday. Monday being the day hon bun was supposed to be induced. Sunday was supposed to be the day I treat hon bun to her desired meal - she chose A&W.

7.30...

I arrived at my office, and hon bun as usual would take over the driver's seat and drive to
work. I still think she's the bravest woman alive because of this. I waved her goodbye ignorant of the fate that would befall us later that day.

8.00...

As usual I went about with my work (not really I was surfing the net for news). My wife sent a message, I was relieved. I know she's safe and fine now.

9.20...

Wife complained of some minor back pain. I thought it was only normal. We don't SMS during work, we usually e-mail. So the response I get from her is not as prompt as I want it to be. But as long as she believes she is fine, then there's no need to panic, I thought.

11.00...

The back pain is starting to annoy the hell out of her, she said. She started to complain constantly. I was a little bit worried but it totally skipped my mind that it could be a contraction. I thought it was only normal as her due date was nearing.

12.20...

I asked her time and time again whether she can take it and whether she would like to take the rest of the day off. I told her before, if you feel you can't continue take the day off. She decided to heed my advice. The plan is, she would pick me up from work and I'll drive her to the clinic.

1.00...

Hon bun arrived with a tired looking face. The back ache was apparent in her looks. We drove to Bangi with our mind set upon getting an MC for 2 days so she can rest for Monday.

1.20...

We arrived at the clinic and headed straight for the Gynae. She wasn't in as she was in the labour room - someone's about to be a happy mum. We were asked to go to the next floor, probably for a CTG scan - the missy wanted to check hon bun's contraction. The next floor was busy and we were again asked to move up another floor.

2.00...

The scanner machine was attached to my wife with awkward looking wires and something that looks like suction cup. We weren't expecting anything grand. just an assurance.

2.40...

The '10 minutes' CTG can went for 40 minutes. We were left in the room and forgotten. They were busy with other newborns, we understand.

3.00...

The scan result was brought to the doctor. She wasn't supposed to open her clinic at that time, but the scan was serious enough I guess. We went in to the doctor's room expecting something a little different. We sensed something was brewing. The doctor told us that the scan showed a constant contraction which is a clear indication of labour. The doctor wanted hon bun to be admitted - she has already dilated 4cm. Great, we didn't expect this.

3.20...

Hon bun was hungry. She skipped lunch for this trip to the doctor. Something bothered us, though we did bring most of the baby stuffs, we didn't bring the bag with our stuff in it (it has always been in our car forthe past one month). We talked about it and even though it's not that important, but I'm not going to miss a day with my newborn in the next few days - if I'm going home, I'd better do it now.

3.55...

While my wife struggled with her lunch, I drove home. She adviced me not to drive fast, but I can't help it. I don't want to miss any moment. The drive home from the clinic would usually take 45 minutes, if that's the case then I can't avoid the traffic jam on the way back to the clinic. I have to drive fast, regardless.

4.30...

I arrived at my home, took the necessary stuffs and went back to my car. Okay that took 5 minutes.

4.40...

I asked for an update from my wife. She said she's already in the ward and was asked to prepare herself to go into labour. I panicked a little...What? She's going in? But I'm 45 minutes away! I asked her vehemently to stop the doctor from bringing her in. I didn't know what to expect if she's in the labour room - she may be having a baby right after she went in. She had to perform her prayer so I asked her to pray a long prayer. Not only to pray that all goes well, but also to delay things a little.

5.00...

I arrived at the clinic and my wife was still in her ward. Phew! what a relief. It took me an hour to go from the clinic to home and then back to the clinic. It was all worth it. I performed my prayer and waited for the signal from the nurses with my wife. I would say we looked rather calm for two persons expecting a baby soon.

5.30...

My wife was brought to the labour room. The room wasn't big or high tech or anything. It was cozy. There can only be one person who is allowed to be there with hon bun, at a time - either the mother or the husband.

5.45...

My mother-in-law arrived. I let her into the room with hon bun. My wife needs the support from her mother too - after all she came from her.

6.00...

The scanner thingy was attached to her again. This time the machine wasn't as rundown as the last one. We heard clear heart beats. That's our daughter's. My wife began to feel some cramping in her stomach and lower abdomen, the backache was gone. It wasn't as bad as it is going to be. But I know is it still quite painful by the look of it.

6.30...

The nurse gave her some pain medication to relief her a little. It wasn't epidural, she didn't want it. She was determined not to be injected with one. I was wit her on this - I know she can take the pain, she's that strong. My mum arrived with my brother at about this time. Good, I needed her support as well.

7.00...

The azan sounded outside the building. I need to perform maghrib prayer but at the same time I was reluctant to leave my wife - her contraction was getting stronger. The nurse told me it would still take some time before she delivers, more than enough time for me to pray.

7.45...

My mum wanted to see hon bun. I let her into the room and waited outside with my brother. He was more nervous than I am.

8.15...

The pain got stronger and longer. The nurse started calling for the doc. It was probably 10 times more painful than it looks. I tried to keep myself composed and looking strong - it's for my wife. The doc arrived and burst the 'ketuban' (sorry my vocabulary fails me). She used something like a white stick. My wife's look pains me. The water filled 3/4 of the container. That's quite a lot.

8.30...

The screeching begins. I say screeching because my wife didn't really scream, she screeched. Doctor's advice: take a deep breath and push as hard as you can. It's not as easy as it sounds. Throughout this part of the ordeal, imagine being in a place where you get your breath sucked out of you and you're trying to push your way through but there's a bungee cord on your back pulling you - the cord isn't long but it's damn tough.

Hon bun tries hard to take a deep breath but fails. When that fails the pushing gets harder. Hence, the baby gets stuck somewhere down there - but I can only presume she could already see the bright light illuminating the very womb that houses her for 38 weeks and 5 days.

Again she tries hard to push and the breathing gets in the way of an easier - not to say it is easy at all - labour. She learns another technique, take a deep breath and release the air twice consecutively. That worked, but she can't push as long as the nurse wanted her to because of the fatigue that's setting in.

The baby's head is visible after about 15 minutes of sheer hardwork. But then again it gets back in because of the lack of pushing - who can blame her, she's tired. As I hold on to her arms and giving her my full support, all I can think about is, is she going to survive? Is the baby going to be safe? I have full confidence that both question can be answered with a simple, yes, but the fear is always there.

You can see blood dripping and squirting everywhere. But still only the top of the baby's head is visible. The doctor had already cut open the entry (or exit) to make it easier. Then you can really see my wife pulling out all stops and giving all her might to try and push the baby out. I don't know if she realised, but the doctor had already opted to use the vacuum. I think regardless, she was determined to do it with her own strength - just like how she opted not to use any epidural during the labour process.

As she started to useher extraordinary strength to push the baby out, the head popped out (I say pop because that's how it was to me). I was glad. Too long stuck somewhere down there could give the baby a breathing problem - that's why the doc was worried and was prepared to use the vacuum. Then the doc started to turn the head and pulling it at the same time. She said that the baby just won't turn. I was thinking, "err doc, are you sure it's safe to that to the little kid?".

Then all of sudden, without even realilsing it, the whole body was out. Phew! It was tiring watching the whole thing. Everytime my wife inhaled, I inhaled. Everytime she pushed, I pushed as well. Everytime she squezzed the iron rod given to her, I squeezed my hand as if I was doing the hard work - believe me it was tiring (though definitely not as tiring as what hon bun had to go through).

9.17...

The doc received the baby and lumped it right on hon bun's chest. She was too tired to do anything. She didn't even have the strength to hug the baby - she touched her like it was a dirty linen. But again, from what I saw, it's very much understandable - she was too tired to do anything.

The baby cried loudly. It seems that she had a little bit of a breathing problem during the whole thing. They stuck a tube right into her mouth - I didn't see them sticking it in but saw them pulling out a very long tube out her mouth (you would not be mistaken into thinking that it was a magic act like the one where the magician pulls out a bunch of handkerchief out of nowhere). The tube was used to clear the baby's lung - it acts like a vacuum, in fact, it is a vacuum.

The baby was then put into a container (I'm not sure what they call it), where she was given enough light and warmth.

9.25...

I was given the go-ahead to the pick the baby up and do the call to prayer (azan). I obligingly did just that. The baby didn't cry. I was glad. It was the first time holding my own child and the feeling was like nothing I've ever felt before. Though I must admit, half of my thoughts were fixated on the baby's mother. I felt like crying, like smiling, laughing all at the same time. But all I could do is smirk. This baby is mine, it's ours. I know I will love her forever.

After seeing what my wife went through, I could only hold a sense of amazement and appreciate her more. She deserves every bit of praises you could think of. I'm sure if any child gets to see their mother actually going through the whole thing from the beginning of the 9 months journey, there wouldn't be any treacherous child. Hoping my child would realise this as well.

Here's to a happy day, one that I have never experienced before, would never experience again and would definitely want to cherish forever.

The Lovely Nur Alya Sofeah

The 2 Days Old Sofeah with her Mum, My Hon Bun

Malas

2008-10-28T18:55:00.003+08:00

Nak mandi malas.

Ngantuk, nak tido malas.

Penat, nak rehat malas.

Bosan, nak buat apa-apa pun malas.

Malas, nak pikir pun malas.

Asyik malas je sampai bila kita nak maju? Sampai bila nasi tu nak dibiarkan menjadi bubur? Sure makan bubur pun sedap gak. Macam malam ni, wife buat bubur, sedap bukan tak sedap. Ni first time dia nak masak, mesti extraordinarily good!

Tapi sampai bila kita nak makan bubur je? (ni doesn't apply to me la kan, I'm just saying that if asyik malas je nasi tu hari-hari jadi bubur - it's an expression).

Cakap pasal bubur ni tak guna gak sebab tak ada kena mengena dengan entri kali ni except bahagian tadi je...moving on.

Bila dan macam mana kita boleh nak kikis perasaan malas ni? Malas bukan penyakit, sebab orang tak masuk hospital sebab malas. Unless orang tu dah lintas jalan sampai pertengahan lepas tu dia rasa malas nak teruskan and kena langgar kereta. Then orang tu masuk hospital sebab malas.

Sebenarnya banyak instances lagi orang masuk hospital sebab malas (malas gi check bump kat leher, malas makan ubat, malas guna protection waktu...moving on).

So akibat malas ni semua orang pun tahu. Tapi still orang tak nak buat apa-apa bila dah malas tu. Ni kadang-kadang la, and tak apply dekat semua orang.

Kenapa bila dah tahu benda tu result dia tak elok, dah tahu boleh dapat lebih if kita buat yang kita tahu lebih elok, kita tak nak buat? Macam malas ni laa. Dah tahu tak elok kita buat juga perangai malas, end up kita rugi. Bukan kita je, think about it. Anak kita rugi, keluarga kita rugi, mak ayah kita rugi, jiran kita boleh rugi.

Ni reminder to myself and to others, jangan malas. Rugi. Macam buat jahat lain la gak. Memang kedang-kadang tu result short term dia menarik minat. Tapi long term kita fikir?

Contohnya--Mencuri, dapat duit. Merogol, dapat puaskan nafsu. Membunuh, lepaskan dendam. Malas, dapat rileks. Tapi in the long run--Mencuri, orang tahu kita miskin. Merogol, dapat anak haram (somewhere). Membunuh, nak basuh baju penuh darah susah lagi-lagi baju mahal yang disayangi. Malas, apa pun tak dapat.

Kena fikir akibat, tu yang paling penting. If betul malas and akibatnya tidak begitu teruk tak apa. Contoh, malas la nak amek controller untuk tukar channel. Akibatnya kena tengok cerita cina yang pakai costume tu. Redha je la and terima la orang cina ni memang suka pakai costume. If malas nak buka kipas angin sedangkan dah kepanasan. Redha je la, sweating is good for you.

Tapi if akibat teruk memang tak patut kita redha dengan sifat kemalasan. Contoh, if malas tutup air masak kat dapur, meletup cerek panas tu tau laa. Or if malas nak bagi kucing makan, nanti bangkai kucing tu siapa nak tanam busuk-busuk tu? Pastu malas pula nak tanam, dah kena endure bau busuk for months. Dah bau busuk tu diredhai, terima la sakit dada la apa. Ni la akibatnya orang malas.

Sekarang saya sendiri nak cuba resolute and ubah diri dari malas kepada semi-rajin. Semi-rajin is better sebab semi-rajin ni tak memenatkan badan tapi dalam masa yang sama tak membebankan diri di masa hadapan.

Peribahasa: Kemalasan mesti ditentang, musuh jangan dicari.

* apabila selesai menulis entri ini, saya dapat tahu wife tidak lagi masak bubur. Saya redha.

Wife and Weekend Football

2008-10-26T07:56:00.006+08:00

Weekend nights are great because that's when I lay back, sit comfortably on my sofa and watch football. That has always been the agenda even before I got married. But now that I'm married, though things haven't changed that much for me in terms of my weekend program, the agenda has an addition...my wife.

Watching football is not something that my wife yearn for every weeknight. But being a good loyal wife, and considering we only have one TV, she submits to my yearning instead.

Watching football with her can be described in one word--fun.

Here are some of the "football" related comments she made while we were watching the Everton v Manchester United clash last night:

"Uih ensem dia ni..." ~ referring to Mikel Arteta an undoubtedly handsome guy playing for Everton.

"rambut cam jebobok..." ~ referring to Maroune Fellaini the Everton hero that night.

"Eh! Dia smack the ass, gay ke apa?" ~ Van Der Sar smacked Vidic's ass as a show of support.

"E'eh cam amek anak jer...taa-te, taa-te" ~ Van Der Sar was picking up the ball at the edge of his box

"nama dia Yobo?" ~ She can't accept that Yobo is a name.

"ni bukan main bola ni" ~ Players were tackling religiously, as you would expect in football matches.

"asyik trip, trip, trip..." ~ She still can't accept that the players were tackling each other.

"Woah! Pening gila mata, macam nak juling...bola tu wuuu~" ~ The ball was moving fast from one player to another.

"Aih!! Woah woah....Eeee hihi, air liur dia terkeluar..." ~ Ronaldo had a chance to score but he squandered. Then he did the obligatory spitting but didn't do it that elegantly I suppose.

"Muka petak...Eeee tak kacak.." ~ Of Ronaldo. Try telling that to thousands of his female fans.

"haa masuk, masuk, masuk!!!" Funny. Though it's normal for fans to say this, but the fact that the ball wasn't even near the goal (still way outside the box) and no chance was actually in sight, I don't know why she screamed so.

"Oish! Woah...tut tut tut...apsal referee tu?" I can't remember why she said this or what is up with the "tut tut tut"...but I'm sure she has her reasons.

"Uih! haha that's so funny. Terapit jebobok tu kat bawah..." Vidic and Fellaini were fighting an aerial battle. Fellaini lost the battle, evidently.

"Eh...Owh dear God!" Can't remember why.

"Kerow gila...kaki pengka ni..." Referring to Ronaldo's miss. It was in fact an easy chance.

"Eeee hihi nampak...." James Vaughan was about to come on from the substitute bench, and I guess as the pants were too tight, she saw the caged birdie *wink wink*.

"Yakubu? Haha best gila nama...Yobo, Yakubu..." She has little knowledge of African name I guess...Still can't accept Yobo's.

"Uih, apa ni, nak bertumbuk" Tough tackling is forbidden in my wife's version of football.

"Diorang balancing diorang...boleh amek ballet" Apparently the players didn't fall easily.

"Eh apa ni? Naan eh nama dia...(I said, Nani)...Nani? Cam nama orang perempuan..." Haha just funny.

"Eh rambut dia ada ekor. Cam ekor naga..." I think she referred to Arteta again, the handsome lad just now.

"Eh apa masalahnya? Kenapa orang pandang-pandang ni?" Apparently watching other players is also a foul in my wife's version of football.

Those are some of the weird football related comments she gave. Those were only comments made throughout 30 minutes of football! Can't wait to watch the Arsenal match with her tonight!

Saat-saat Akhir Perngandungan (perkataan rekaan)

2008-10-25T07:10:00.007+08:00

Sekarang ni, wife dah banyak sakit perut.

Semalam, saya dan wife pergi Mydin beli barang-barang dapur sikit. Masalahnya on the way tu jam sebab kereta terlampau banyak. So badan memang dah start letih la kan masa tu. Dah kat Mydin tu parking jauh, and kene buat pit stop kat Courts Mammoth pula, jalan lagi jauh, so badan lagi letih. Not for me la kan sebab saya sihat dan kuat (sebenarnya ngantuk gila jalan-jalan semalam).

Badan wife la extra letih. Tapi dia suka jalan-jalan and if ikat dia kat pokok pun she'll find a way to wiggle herself out just untuk jalan-jalan - lepas tu dia ikat diri dia balik kat pokok.

So sekarang kalau jalan-jalan lebih sikit mula dia terpegang sana, terpegang sini. Dia membongkok sikit, muka cemek pula, tangan mula nak grab semua benda keliling dia. Tapi sekejap je pastu dia ok dah.

Semalam dah nak balik dari Mydin tu macam tu la dia. Bila tengok dia rasa kesian, tapi sebab tak boleh nak buat apa, mampu tengok and buat muka concern je. Lepas tu ayat sama, "You okay? nak pergi doctor?". Dia akan jawap, "No, it's okay"

Yang best tu masa tengok dia semalam tengah pegang perut dia yang extra large tu, nampak macam dia baru beli tembikai yang sehat dari Mydin and simpan dalam baju. Kalau orang yang tak tahu apa-apa tentang orang mengandung, atau apa-apa tentang tembikai, mesti ingat memang betul dia tengah sorok tembikai. Orang tu akan kata, "Tembikai RM5.69 pun tak nak bayar..ish ish".

Now comes the question, adakah wife saya patut teruskan bekerja? Dia memang nak teruskan, and understandably so. Dia tak nak rugikan maternity leave before pregnancy. Nak guna sebanyak mungkin for the post pregnancy excitements.

Then again kita memang dah ada plan if anything happens, before, during or after work. Masa tengah drive ke apa semua pun dah plan. But scary jugak la kan. So my suggestion has always been, take a leave one week before. Tapi dia kalau boleh nak a day before je baru take leave. Tak apa, dia memang kuat and has always been so. Percentage keyakinan lebih la sekarang ni because of her ability and strength.

Tapi all these anticipations of when and where we are going to be masa the actual birth giving is going to start tu is quite confusing and scary (sikit je scary, taknak wife worry). Kekadang tu dia ada contractions and all tapi kekadang tu sakit perut sahaja and bukan contraction. People, pregnant woman are as confused about their body as a girl who is starting her fist period. They don't know anything about their body.

Mula-mula ingat contraction, may end up just being gas. Then something like a WWII bomb would erupt and you don't know what is happening. Mula-mula ingat gas and end up memang gas. Gas banyak badan diorang ni.

My wife tak insecure about her body as some woman would be masa pregnancy. Dia rasa semua besar tapi okay lagi because selama hidup ni dia asyik kecik je. Jadi besar sekali sekala best jugak - agaknya ini dia fikir kot, tapi dia tak ngaku...hihi. Dia cuma takut, sebab besar sangat baby tu susah nak keluar.

Doctor dah assure her yang badan dia okay lagi and ketinggian dia would be good enough to deliver the baby normally. Then again, if my wife's fear pun I understand. It's only logical to be afraid. That thing shoots out of the body from a very small "exit". It's like pushing a boulder through a rabbit hole - if you know what I mean *wink wink*.

The trick is too always stay calm. Macam mana resah, macam mana susah and macam mana sakit pun, they have to try and stay calm. What the husband can do is to always assure her that it's going to be okay and the pain would gradually go away (after giving birth la kan). Plus it is so worth it. A baby would be born; what better thing can you be rewarded with for all your effort kan? But saying is one thing, looking from the sides is another thing and actually going through it like my wife is, is a whole different ball game.

Here's hoping that the baby slides out easy!

The Adventures of Unborn - The Moving Being

2008-10-24T18:11:00.005+08:00

The dark was suddenly brightened by a brilliant white light. Unborn was awakened by it.

"Hmm...It didn't seem like this a minute ago." Unborn thought. "Maybe it's this being walking about again. How many times does it need to go back and forth? This is getting ridiculous. It's hard to get just a little bit of rest nowadays".

Her thoughts were stalled by a sudden shift in position.

"Woah! Not so fast!" Unborn was caught by surprise. Her comfortable stretched position was suddenly minimized by the dwindling walls around her.

"Here we go again. It's only been minutes since the last trip." Unborn kicked the closest thing her feet could reach in frustration. "You deserve it...huh!" Unborn bellowed. The being moved quickly responding to the kick.

Unborn suddenly realised that the liquids surrounding her were suddenly reduced, leaving her quite bumpy and rutted - quite uncomfortable, she thought.

"I think this being is shrinking. I can't seem to move my arms and legs as freely as I did before. It really needs to grow." Unborn told herself. "Oh man, now I'm stuck!" Unborn was unable to move her legs to a more compromising position. It seems that her leg got stuck in some hole.

Suddenly she heard water flowing drastically from under her. It sounded like a waterfall.

"Okay, now we're moving again" She told herself. "Hey, at least my leg's not stuck anymore. That's much better" Unborn was quite relieved.

Then she heard a click and a loud bang right behind her. "Oh my God! Gets me e-ve-ry time!" She said in frustration.

The being is moving rather slowly now, but it is not stopping. "Huh, usually it would have stopped by now" Unborn thought. "Maybe it wants to stock up on this gooey thingy. It does feel rather dry in here".

Again, a clicking sound and bright light caught her by surprise.

"Okay, why must it move?" Unborn was fed up with all the surprises she had to endure.

She was right, the being was increasing the amount of liquid which surrounded unborn. "Okay that's a lot better. Aaaaah yes, this feels good. Why must it decrease this gooey thingy if it is just going to stock up again? It's not like it's getting smelly or anything" Unborn thought.

The being started walking again and this time it walked towards a darker place. It stopped abruptly and moved into a horizontal position.

"Okay I hope this time it stays still. I just want to rest for awhile. 18 hours a day sleeping is just not enough. What happened to 22 hours a day anyway?" Unborn started feeling rather light headed. "YAaaaaawwwwn...I hope...itt..doo..doees...nnot..mmoo..." Unborn wasn't able to finish her thoughts and fell asleep.

*the facts in this story were made up and were not made in accordance with actual scientific facts. In fact it's rather distorted and a blatant lie. It's highly fictitious and untrust worthy. All in all in good fun...haha!

A Whole Bunch of Nonsense (Repekan Melampau)

2008-10-22T19:13:00.004+08:00

Aku paling tak suka, and in fact meluat orang yang berlagak and rasa diri tu bagus. Dah la camtu, biadap pulak tu...huh.

Ok tu jer bab tu. Tak ada kene mengena dengan entri kali ni or anything to do with real life pun. In fact tak ada pun confront dengan orang yang camtu lately. Tiba-tiba rasa nak sebut.

Baby! What? Baby!!!! Exciting times ahead! Bila orang tanya baby dah due? Saya jawap, belum! Sebab apa? dah memang tu jawapan dia. Memang baby tak keluar lagi. Ni pun tak ada kena mengena dengan apa-apa.

Can anyone sense my excitement?

Nanti before you know it I'll be like, "Sofeah! Don't play too far okay? Ayah wants you to play where ayah can see you". Then Sofeah will look right at me with those big blue eyes (tak malu anak mata biru) and say, "Alright ayah. Sofeah main dekat jer". Masa ni Sofeah umur dah 17 tahun...what?!

Haha time does fly by very fast. With a blink of an eye, my life has become how it is right now. Blink of an eye tu expression je. Dah berapa banyak blink dah pun ni. Dah la I have this habit of blinking and making that rabbit face.

Orang selalu kata, ingat senang camtu je anak tu menggelungsur keluar macam yang awak selalu katakan? Isteri you kena teran tau. In English pulak: you think it's as easy as sliding out? Your wife has to teran tau. But I'm positive. My positivity say, the first expression my baby's going to give is, "weeeeeeee!!". In fact it's "weeeeeee!! fun, let's do that again!". Of course if that's the case then my wife would be happy, and that's what I want ultimately.

My wife has been feeling stomach cramps and contractions. Tak kerap sangat but enough to worry me. Dah la tu handphone dia yang teramatlah tua tu asyik mati je. Takleh diselamatkan lagi. She says it's on life support. So dia nak contact susah and bila dia gi keje tu agak risau la kan. If emergency ke apa, die nak contact payah.

SO! As it is right now, we're hoping it all goes well and that she doesn't have to face problems while at work or whilst driving to or back from work. Sebab hal phone ni memang merisaukan. Another way is, dengan membeli handphone baru. Since we're on a tight budget, siapa-siapa yang hendak menderma sila tinggalkan nombor contact anda atau e-mail. Tak banyak pun. Jika ada 20 orang derma like RM30 dah dapat RM600 boleh beli handphone ada MP3 and camera 1.3 megapixel. Tak nak mintak banyak.

In English (since some may want to contribute from overseas): My wife's phone dies a lot. Contribute to me and wife. Leave contact info or e-mail and I'll get back to you.

Haha! Over la kan tu...

Fun nak jadi ayah ni. So siapa-siapa di luar sana yang sudah berkahwin, don't be afraid. Try it out. Ceh boleh try-try pulak. I mean, give it a go. Rezeki tu sentiasa ada. Bagi yang belum kahwin, jangan menggatal sangat. Kahwin dulu. Kalau tak ada duit, nikah je takyah kenduri besar-besar. If semua okay, mak ayah pulak problem, kahwin lari. If ada duit tapi belum bersedia, jangan ngada-ngada. Banyak possibility lain tapi the gist of the advice is, kahwin and reproduce lah ye.

Akhir kata, be good to life and life will be good to you.

Saya Sudah Dewasa - Post Jamuan Hari Raya dan Expecting a Baby Mood

2008-10-20T19:52:00.006+08:00

Ya saya sudah dewasa. Baru beberapa hari lepas saya dan isteri mengadakan rumah terbuka di rumah kami. Buat ulung kalinya kamilah host sebuah jamuan hari raya. Tidak pernah dalam sejarah hidup kami. Of course, tugas masak-masak tu telah dibahagikan sesama ibu kami masing-masing. But still, kena organize gak! Haha. Terima kasih kepada mereka yang membantu menjadikan majlis ini satu sukses. Terima kasih mak-mak, keluarga dan juga rakan!

Bersyukur kami pada Allah, ramai juga orang yang hadir. Tak rugi makanan yang dimasak oleh mak-mak kami. Memang tak sangka ramai juga kawan yang kelaparan dan mencari tempat untuk makan free.

Terima kasih rakan-rakan yang hadir. Saya meminta ampun kepada mereka yang tidak dijemput. Bukan kerana kami terlupa ataupun tidak mahu jemput (some memang kami terlupa - extra maaf!), tapi kerana rumah kami tidak begitu besar dan budget kami amat terhad.

Lain kali jikalau saya mempunyai kesempatan dan budget yang lebih besar sudah tentu saya buat pool side party dan semua rakan dijemput hadir - siap mereka yang terlalu jauh, kami akan sediakan plane ticket dan jemput dari airport. Buat sementara ini, itu hanyalah impian nun jauh di hujung mimpi (dalam mimpi pun nun jauh kat hujung2, apatah lagi dalam realiti).

Memikir sejenak tentang majlis yang tidak seberapa tetapi membuahkan pelbagai kenangan itu, saya sedar bahawa sememangnya bukan saya sahaja yang sudah seakan-akan dewasa, tetapi rakan-rakan yang lain juga. Mereka datang dengan membawa diri masing-masing yang sudah melangkah ke alam pekerjaan, dengan sut dan tie (takdela sut dan tie masa datang hari tu kan, saja tulih).

Perbincangan tidak lari jauh. Boleh dirumuskan dengan dua perkataan, kisah silam dan alam pekerjaan (langsung bukan dua perkataan, more like lima). Walaupun masih terdapat beberapa yang masih belajar, namun visi dan misi mereka menggambarkan seseorang yang sudah bersedia untuk mengharungi kehidupan selepas belajar.

Terdapat juga kawan yang pada suatu ketika dulu tidak ada seorang rakan gadis (basically awek tapi entri ni sangat proper bahasanya, taknak spoil la dengan perkataan 'awek'). Azmin, ye tahniah awak sudah berpunya. Setelah lebih 10 tahun mengenali dirimu, inilah pertama kali saya melihat raut wajah manja dan gembira dalam satu masa yang sama (ye ar dulu takde awek, if ko buat muka manja gak kat depan aku ke man memang nak kene penampar ar kan - dengan ejat aku tau ko dah biasa buat). Shasha tu nampak baik orangnya, jangan spoil, jaga dia elok-elok and lihat suatu hubungan itu sebagai investment jangka masa panjang. Tahniah Min, satu perenggan khas untuk kau je - damn.

Ada juga yang hadir pada hari itu dengan isteri dan anak (yang bawak anak tu lebih kepada saudara, kawan-kawan yang ada anak tak hadir pulak). Fahman dan Fitriyah, Fiza dan Syamil, mereka hadir sebagai pasangan lelaki-isteri yang belum sampai usia 1 tahun lagi. At least Fiza dan Syamil dah boleh expect anak dah dalam masa beberapa bulan lagi, Fahman dan Fitriyah bila lagi? C'mon man don't dilly dally. Insya'Allah anak kita boleh jadi playmate. Sofeah dan Suhaila (sedap aku bagi nama untuk anak ko, takpe bila dah betul ada nama anak ko bagitau aku and aku edit sikit entri ni).

Apa yang buat saya rasa lebih seperti seorang dewasa adalah anak yang bakal lahir dari perut isteri saya dalam masa lebih kurang 3 minggu lagi. Sekarang ni bayi tersebut masih selesa tucked in perut mak dia. Mak dia je kurang selesa sebab anak tu aktif sangat.

Untuk anak ku yang dikasihi, dirindui dan disayangi (kasih dengan sayang macam sama, tapi sebenarnya tak), jika sudah bersedia untuk lahir, lahirlah sebagai seorang anak yang taat kepada Allah dan kami, ummi dan ayah. Jadilah anak yang sopan santun dan berbudi pekerti mulia. Jadilah anak seperti mana TV Pendidikan selalu promote. Jadilah anak yang beriman dan solehah (kami ada sebab untuk expect anak ni anak perempuan). Jadilah anak yang menyayangi kami dan menghargai kami sebagai ummi dan ayah. Kami janji akan menjaga kamu sepertimana telah diajar dalam iklan-iklan kerajaan yang berunsur kekeluargaan.

Anak kami dijangka keluar pada 10.11.2008. Sekarang 20.10.2008 dan ini bermakna dalam masa 21 hari lagi, anak kami akan menggelungsur keluar dari perut isteri saya dan melompat ke dakapan ibunya dengan bantuan doktor yang menyambut dia. Namun, itu adalah berdasarkan ramalan doktor. Doktor ramal, Allah yang menentukan. Basically, any moment from now the baby will start sliding out gleefully.

Sofeah (jika betul sepertimana yang kami lihat waktu scan), ayah ada trial kat court awal bulan hadapan antara 3-15 November. Ayah cukup malas nak pergi walaupun kerja nak prepare untuk trial-trial pada sepanjang tarikh tersebut telah dibuat dengan usaha yang tidak dapat ditandingi (ada 3 trial dalam 2 minggu). Ayah appreciate sangat jikalau Sofeah boleh keluar dalam 3 November camtu sebab ayah boleh ambil leave selama at least 1 minggu and tidak perlu pergi trial-trial tersebut. Remember, ayah sayang Sofeah sangat-sangat.

Cepat masa berlalu. Dewasa dah saya. Dewasa dah ayah kamu.

Such is Life: The View of an Oppesimist

2008-10-17T18:33:00.005+08:00

For those of you who have read my wife’s blog (Faridatul), you would undoubtedly ask yourself, are they divorcing? Haha no laaa!!!!!

No actually would probably ask yourself the same question she asked. Why is it that sometimes things are never enough? We always want more. More than we have and more than we can handle (or afford).

This question can never be answered. Because we won’t allow ourselves to answer the age old question, are we satisfied?

Sure some optimist might say, yes I am satisfied. My life is the best life anyone can possibly imagine. My bedroom is full of pink lilies and my closet is the size of the Grand Canyon. My shoes make me fly and when I plant a tree it grows higher than KLCC.

Right? Optimists are crazy.

Whilst the pessimist would go on life saying things are never enough. Things never go well for me. This black is not black enough, it should black to the point of oblivion. This sunflower doesn’t look like a sun. It looks like that scary baby in Tele-Tubbies. This car doesn’t go VVvvvvrrrooomm, it goes, Vvvoooommm (without the ‘r’). Aaargh life’s stupid!

Right? Pessimists are weird.

Life is never perfect. Life can make you turn one way (as you desire) and sometimes force you turn the other way (as you oppose). That’s life.

Like any cook would say, too much or too less of something, the food you cook (or bake whatever) would not be cooked right. The ingredients must be perfect. Too much baking soda, the cake will flatten -- Ironic considering baking soda’s supposed too make the cake inflate (or flourish, or…what’s the word?!)

So instead of being an optimist, or a pessimist, everyone should find the balance between both. It makes you better prepared. Like the Boy Scout’s motto, ‘always be prepared’. Indeed being the balance of both is. Be an oppesimist, or a pessoptimist.

When you want something, you can’t get, you take it as something that’s negative. Why not? It is negative. It is something you failed to achieve, or receive. Don’t deny the fact that it is negative. If you do, you will die. Haha tak pasal. No, if you do, then you will harbor too much hope to the point that, if you fail again, you will die. Haha no!

So anyway…however, it is not the end of the world. The optimism comes in the form that you can try harder, or that it’s for the better. Look at the positive, out of the negative. Both are present. Optimists aren’t necessarily better than pessimists. But both have got their strong points. The world needs that balance!

So why are we always unsatisfied? No clue. Maybe it’s because there are too many things in life that we are bound to want some and lose some. No one gets everything. Can Bill Gates build the Pyramid? I’m sure he wants to if he’s given the chance to be as legendary as the Egyptian Pharaohs. Not possible though. Can George Bush win the hearts of every American? Not possible.

To my wife,

No there’s nothing wrong with wanting. There’s no wrong in asking for it. There’s no wrong in feeling hard done by, if you don’t get it. But truthfully, I would give more than half of my life for you -- if that’s what you want. However, I cannot give you every material thing in the world.

You don’t ask a lot from me. You don’t want that many things. You’re not wrong in wanting most of the things you want. I never fault you if you’re angry. I don’t care if you release some of your dissatisfaction on me.

But life’s not easy and I have tried my best to accommodate all that I can. I will try harder next time. Don’t be disappointed hon, I promise to make things easier for you. I promise I'll provide better.

I know you will say, “it’s okay, you have done more than enough” (or something to that effect - hey I know her well), but nothing is ever enough. Like I said before, I am an oppesimist and my mind is set: Things are never enough, but then again it is never going to be enough. I shall live my life fulfilling what I can, but leaving gaps on what I can never fill. Such is life - I have got to face reality. I hope you do too.

Love you hon!

28 Days Till The Expected Due Date

2008-10-13T19:34:00.010+08:00

Hectic and fast. Turbulent best describes it. Nothing is like the last 8 months. All worth it.

To think that 8 months ago I was merely a married man with my newly wedded wife. Now I'm a married man and a father-to-be. I did not know what to do then. I only found out that my wife was pregnant. I was studying still. What a life, I thought. Did I think it was a mistake then? Nope. Felt happy and glad - joyful.

Fast forward several weeks ahead of that 8 months ago, went to the doctor to do a check up on my wife. At that time I was not employed. Had to pay for the check up with my wife's earnings. Saw my little child punching the air and I thought, what a beauty. My hand subconsciously touched my wife's feet - that was the sincerest joy I've ever felt. I remember that moment like it was yesterday.

From then on our life was not roses and peaches. It was, to borrow my previous word, turbulent. I got a job and started moving to another house. We moved from one house to another. Chinese say it's not good to move houses when one is pregnant; well the Chinese would be shaking their heads to me and my wife.

We moved houses with only the clothes that we have and several presents that we got. We moved with no money in the bank left, after paying for the house deposit and some necessary items. We worried for the baby. We thought at least we need a mattress to support my wife, and we saved up for that.

My wife used to have several complications, especially with regards to her breathing. It was as if her lungs were blocked and this happened several times over during some nights. We worried but kept ourselves composed. Maybe it's normal, we thought. Indeed it wasn't, and we were glad that she survived those complications so strongly.

When the baby first kicked and moved about in that tummy, we were happy. We were excited and gleeful. It's like, we were on top of the world. A living being is actually inside my wife's stomach. What can be greater than that? What can be more magical?

Now and then during the pregnancy we encounter new experience, great memorable moments and some tearful occasions. But my wife has been the perfect pregnant wife. People say pregnant woman are emotionally unstable. Not my wife. At least I don't think so (...). She has always been quite normal. She accepts everything and is only emotional in moments that would normally see such emotions. I'm grateful for that.

Now with only 28 days to go before our expected due date, we are ready. We are ready to accept this new being into this world. I believe that we have prepared ourselves for that sufficiently. A month ago we might not be ready. We lack the facilities, we lack the fund, we lack the mental upkeep. One month later, we have provided enough for each department. Hopefully.

Now here's wishing and hoping that it all goes well. We leave it up to Allah s.w.t. right now. We know He knows best, and only He can provide the best for us. We pray to Allah that it all goes well and smooth. That it would be both natural and beautiful.

28 days is just a number. The moment might be any time for now. We do hope that it would stay on course, so that the baby would be delivered in the most prepared manner and form, that the baby has gotten all that it needs from the mother's womb, that it remains cosy in there till this hectic world accepts a new child. But again, 28 days is just a number.

Love you my unborn child. Here's wishing you well.

Chicken with Tomato Paste and a Dash of Those Spices Stuffs Coupled with Potato Thinga-Ma-Jiggy

2008-10-11T07:47:00.013+08:00

Contrary to popular belief, I am happy. I have never been happier. Living together with my wife, even with lack of fund and everything else does not matter because what matter is being there every step of the way with her.

Haha takde orang pikir camtu pun, saja jer continuing my emo blogging streak.

So anyway, I am happy. Happy to be living the life I have always wanted, independent and making it my on my own - with my wife of course. We may be young, but I do believe we are resolute and hardworking people. You know what hardworking people deserves? They deserve a good life.

Yesterday, me and my wife fasted. The extra 6 days after Ramadhan fast. It's a recommended practise in Islam. The day went as usual, me going to work and my wife wife went to her's. Then after working hours she picked me up and we went straight home.

Here's the gist of the story. My wife was tired. I mean really donwright, cannot move, just need to sleep, tired. So what do we eat for berbuka? Jeng jeng jeng!! Wan to the rescue. Haha did nothing much except that I cooked.

It's not like it's the first time I cook. If you've read my wife's blog, she will tell you that I've cooked before. But usually it bears fruit with her guidance. This time, I'm all alone. It's not like I cooked a simple hot dog, burger, scrambled egg or anything. This time it's real food! Haha..

Okay, I had a look at a cook book that we have. But only to see how things are done. The recipes are all mine. I cooked chicken with tomato paste and a dash of those spices stuffs coupled with potato thingy-ma-jiggy. It came out, Chicken Tangine (well at least it's supposed to be that but due to lack of ingredients available).

This is what this website describe Chicken Tangine as : "One of the most sensual cuisines in the world, Moroccan food has spices and flavors that appeal to the smell, sight and taste. Chicken Tangine is made with rich chicken thigh meat, and spiced with garlic, ginger, coriander and cumin. Dried apricots, blanched almonds and pitted green olives, all found in the Mediterranean food basket, are added to enhance the flavor of the dish."

This is what it's supposed to look like. Mine was darker and thicker. I'd call it the Gothic version of Chicken Tangine. Plus I ate it with white rice.

Of course in my version, most of the ingredients were absent and I had to make up to it by adding tomato paste. I think because it is rich in taste, I believe that is what I'm supposed to taste if it is cooked properly anyway. Haha (comforting myself).

It tasted? I'd give it 7 out 10. It's quite good really. The rich taste of herbs and the tenderness of the chicken. However the tomato taste was quite strong and also the excessive input of sugar and salt at disturbing levels was something that I need to work on. But it was not that bad. I ate it heartily - honestly.

The thing about marriage is that, one must learn to be independent. When the going gets tough you get going. The extra added spice to mix is when one of you is pregnant. Okay, it's always going to be the wife laa kan. So when your wife gets pregnant, you have that added responsibility.

I'm not really accustomed to being that responsible. Sure I have a little sister, and I do take care of her. But it's different when it's you that this other person hangs on to. It's you that this other person depends on. No one else but you. If you don't pull through, she doesn't eat. If you fail, she lives in a rut as you do. So the pressure is always there when you live together, one relying on the other.

However, I do believe that with enough time and conviction anyone can do it. Hey, if a cat can live on its own with 5 kittens and no brain, any human being can too. Right? No? Different? Yeah I think so too.

Love you hon bun!

The Actual Recipe for Chicken Tangine:

-6 to 7 chicken thighs, boneless and skinless, cut into 2-inch chunks
-2 tablespoons all-purpose flour
-1 tablespoon olive oil
-1 medium onion, coarsely chopped
-4 cloves garlic, minced
-2 tablespoons minced gingerroot
-1 teaspoon ground coriander
-1 teaspoon ground cumin
-1 cup dry white wine
-2 cups chicken broth
-1 cup dried apricots
-1 cup whole blanched almonds
-1 cup pitted green olives In small glass bowl, place chicken and add flour. Toss chicken to coat.

In large pot over high heat, heat olive oil. Place chicken in olive oil; brown on all sides.
Reduce heat to medium-low; add onion, garlic and ginger. Saute about 5 minutes.
Stir in coriander and cumin; saute until aromatic, about 30 seconds. Add wine. Increase heat to high. Boil until wine has reduced by half. Stir in chicken broth, apricots, almonds and olives. Bring to a simmer; reduce heat to low, cover pot and simmer for 45 minutes.
Serve over cous cous.

Makes 6 to 7 servings.

Sakit...sakit!!!!!

2008-10-09T18:09:00.002+08:00

Selalu saya berkata pada diri sendiri, life is about compromise. You win some you lose some. Tetapi kadang kala saya sendiri tidak dapat mengikuti philosophy tu. Rasa macam nak menang semua.

Terfikir jua, siapalah saya ni? Saya memang tidak sama dengan orang lain, kuat, tegap, berani dan macam-macam lagi. Saya ni lemah dan mudah mengikut perasaan.

Macam mana nak terus bangga if this is how it's going to be?

Macam-macam dah cuba. Namun semuanya mengeluarkan result yang kurang memberangsangkan. Nak buat macam mana?

Memang betul life kena compromise. Saya tolong dia, dia tolong saya. Jika saya putar dia ke kiri, dia patut bergerak ke kiri. Tapi bukan itu yang terjadi. Dia degil.

Inikah yang kita kata compromise? Jika satu lagi pihak tak nak berganjak walau apa jua cara? Meluat juga dengan keadaan. Kadang-kadang tu memang semua jadi penat. Fizikal jangan ceritalah, mental pun sama ikut penat.

Aku benci.

Sakit dah segalanya. Sudah tak dapat nak genggam lagi. Merah-merah dah, hati, perasaan dan segalanya. Saya ni bukanlah orang yang suka terlalu mengharap, tapi kalau dah tak boleh tu memang kecewalah.

Apa saya nak buat?

If tak dapat memang meranalah walaupun buat seketika. Lapar, penat, lali semuanya ada.

Penatlah macam ni. If betul benda ni dah buat seperti yang sepatutnya, kenapa tidak semua orang dapat merasa hasilnya? Kenapa berpihak kepada yang lebih mampu sahaja?

Bukankah itu bias?

Haiiiii penutup botol jem. Memang ko tak nak aku makan jem kat dalam tu yer.

~ ini bukan kisah benar. kebelakangan ni saya membaca blog orang-orang yang emo dan suka memberi luahan perasaan yang melampau. saya juga teringin menulis blog entri yang sedemikian rupa namun tidak ada modal. jadi saya cuba dengan sesuatu yang fictitious. memang tulih blog dengan emo (tanpa menyentuh hal politik) agak memuaskan hati~

hee...reading it again would make better sense i suppose.

Hari-Hari Raya!!

2008-10-04T13:47:00.001+08:00

Hello!!

Heh what an intro...so anyway.

The Raya was celebrated expectantly simple. The day before Raya, went to my mum's house thinking that we would help cook but end up going there late and just in time for berbuka. Stayed until 11.30 (planned to stay only till 9 but played board game and went on without realising the time).

Raya morning, woke up and as usual had a little teaser of what we could expect from other houses - ketupat with kuah kacang (took from mum's house). Went to the Masjid for the usual Raya prayer and went straight to mum's again. Farid was strong enough to walk up a flight of stairs at the Masjid with her fully bloated belly. Proud of her :)

Went to my aunt's house, not too long, went back home and rested. "Rest" is an understatement, we blacked out. Slept until it's time for Maghrib. So basically that's the first day of Raya. At night we watched TV.

The second day was a little bit more packed. Went to PD and then to an open house that have ended but there are leftovers in abundance. The PD trip was great because we were served with Kampung style hidangan. It was marvelous. Then the open house was in USJ and we were served with a more western style meal. Was also marvelous. Had good meals :)
Then at night, watched some more TV.

The third day was a bit stale, but we got our deserved rest. Watched TV in the morning, I went for my Friday prayer and then went to my friend's house. We were served mee sup. That's all for Friday.

Now today. My wife works in the morning so nothing going on now. Now I'm preparing to go to our friend's house (the dearests) and then straight to One Utama for some window shopping. Just wanted to walk around.

One thing though about this Raya, I watched a lot of Malay movie. I'm not a big fan. It's been quite some time since I watched one, fully. But since getting married, I have a wife who submits to the Raya mood well and influenced my own mood. So I watched.

The theme of Raya movies it seems is, sadness. I don't know why, I watched like 5 Malay movies and 4 of them are sad. With bad make ups and so-so acting - my wife cried in all 4 out 5. I'm not complaining, because I got hooked on watching them all. Criticised each and every one along the way but watched them with all intent and purposes. It didn't snooze me. Good enough.

The movies carry the same topic of rudeness, betrayal and immorality. It also seems that the actress and actors in Malay movies are the same. I saw like 3 Rosyam Nor, 3 Farid Kamil, 3 Fauziah Nawi, 2 Umie Aida and so on so forth. I think the director is Rashid Sibir or something. The same stories.

Then there's "I'm not single". Good attempt, but seriously too many plot holes in it. Not to mention the portrayal of bad morality in the society. I guess that is how life is in Malaysia nowadays. These actors should know right? That heroine girl was cute though (wife agrees so I'm not in trouble).

That's all of my Raya, for now. Exciting times ahead. Forgot to mention, having spent 3 and a half day of Raya, the unborn child has been really good. My wife isn't complaining at all. So baby, here's a message for you, be as good as this when you're growing up. We don't want no crying and running around like a spoilt brat. (haha tough kan kan?)

That's all. Gotta get ready for another Raya trip.

Faridatul Bariza is my Great Woman!

2008-09-29T15:41:00.002+08:00

People say that behind every great man there’s a great woman. Behind every success there’s failure. Behind every heartbreak there is bliss. No actually the other two is just made up and is not at all relevant to this entry.

So anyway, behind every great man there is a great woman. This is what people say. Who are these people? I don’t know. I know people always say ‘people say’. Again I say people say to explain ‘people say’. I’m not making sense right now.

So to continue with the saying, I guess my wife is the woman at my behind. Okay, that doesn’t sound right. Let’s start again. I guess the great woman behind me is my wife. I’m not saying I’m a great man. Don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful with where I am right now but to say I’m a great man is just exaggerating my status. I’m an okay man. Behind every okay man there’s a great woman. That’s better.

My wife is an inspiration. She’s there when I’m sick, she’s there when I’m sad, she’s there when I’m lonely, she’s there whenever I need her. Of course, we stay in the same house and we’re married after all, so if she’s not there all the time with me then there’s an underlying problem. That’s beside the point.

Now my wife is pregnant and fasting.. I remember before this Holy month we tried fasting to train her. She had it bad. She was weak and unable. She had trouble breathing and was always pale. We tried a couple of days fasting, and even though she managed to complete both days she was a wreck. I thought I was living with Casper . Only that she’s a girl and doesn’t float and not annoying and she’s prettier. Okay she was nothing like Casper and I didn’t think I was living with Casper …It’s just word crapping…moving on.

But now, after 29 days of fasting, she completes every day with ease. If this is an ice skating competition she’d be soaring like an eagle. Okay that doesn’t make sense (…) She’s strong, she cooks after a busy day at work, she cleans, she rubs my back and tickle my neck (just wanted it to rhyme for no apparent reason - it did not happen…uhuk!), she goes to the bazaar with me, she buys groceries with me and so on so forth. She’s close to Wonder Woman except that she can’t fly and doesn’t wear skimpy outfits…in public. Hihi.

I am at awe with this woman. When so many other pregos (what I call pregnant women) lose the battle during fasting month, she holds her own and carry herself well. She even has the time to worry about the unborn child (what to buy, where to get, budget, etc.), about Raya (what to do, where to buy stuff, the open house, etc.) and also about her family.

This, people, is no easy feat. She is strong willed and determined. She wasn’t like this before. It all changed after marriage, as she is now more confident and more resolute than before. This in turn makes me a stronger man. I mean without her by my side, so many things I dream of doing would continue being a dream.. But with her around, all my dreams are turning to reality. All my goals are being checked from the list. All my aspirations are turning into certainty.

We have our ups and downs for sure, but most of the time she is kind enough and sweet enough to forgive if I’m at fault. I mean if she’s at fault I would not give her a chance in the world. I would batter her with guilt and play with her conscience. That’s why this entry is not about me. (Okay that was made up, please don’t believe me - this part only).

She is not just the great woman beside me, she is my Bonnie (of Bonnie and Clyde ), she is my Rachel (F.R.I.E.N.D.S), she is my Wan Azizah, I won’t go as far as saying she’s my Rosmah because that woman has some serious thinking to do.

A tribute to my wife, commemorating her for this joyful season of ‘Eidul Fitri. The first for us as husband and wife.

Thanks hon. Love you always and Selamat Hari Raya.

(I would sign here if I actually know how to do it digitally)

This Coming Holiday Season...Joyful!

2008-09-26T18:08:00.006+08:00

Despite the many holiday seasons in Malaysia, and I mean a whole lot, Hari Raya is the pick of the bunch. Mainly because of the fact that the country has a majority Muslim population, but also because that is usually when people would go back to their hometown and celebrate with their relatives (both known and sometimes unknown).

Me, well the thing is my wife is expecting our first child in November and her stomach is fully bloated right now so she probably wouldn't be able to sit in the car for too long. To be safe, I guess we'll just celebrate at home.

Despite the fact that we won't be with our relatives, we are quite happy to see out this holiday season with as much joy as we can gather just by being with each other. Of course my mom would be here as well so that covers the food part.

Aaah yes Hari Raya in Malaysia is different than in some other parts of the world. The common name for it throughout the world is 'Eidul Fitri which translate as festivity ('eid) and nature (fitrah). Of course after a long period of fasting fitri could also translate as the break of fast.

It is nothing short of magical really this festive season because of the fact that people disregard other, I would say, "political" sentiments to come together and celebrate the success of Ramadhan (fasting month). Though the mood would usually die out after the second week of this month long festive season, but it would still be grand throughout.

This is my first time celebrating this Raya with my wife and my unborn child so it would be really special despite not celebrating it in the traditional way. But I would still expect the same festive mood.

We also would like to invite people to our house on the third week of Raya. This is the first time we're opening up the house to anyone other than close family and also the first time we're organizing a gathering in our new (rented) house, so that's something to look forward to.

That's a lot of first huh? To think that this time last year I didn't even know what to do with my life.

So with Ramadhan only a couple days to go, I hope the Raya mood isn't going to catch up on me too fast. It would be a waste of precious Ramadhan moment wouldn't it?

Salam 'Eidul Fitri and have the best of Raya people! Drive safe!

Note To Self...

2008-09-25T18:20:00.004+08:00

Note to self.

Brace yourself. Several things in this world have gone haywire. These are some of it:-

~ The economic downturn. The 97 crisis started in Thailand - that's fine and dandy. This time, it's starting in the US. Another big empire going down? Most probably (Google Rome, Persia, Turkey, Soviet Union)

~ The ever brilliant (not!) Bush wants a 700Billion U$D bailout for the recession. $700Billion to be entrusted to one dim-witted man without much deliberation and in a short space of time? Crazy.

~ The Israelis are getting away with everything.

~ Malaysian politics are getting ridiculous. Everyone's susceptible to detention.

~ Rappers earn U$D160million per year to speak fast.

~ All long bearded Muslim in this world are viewed as terrorist.

~ Only 10% of English Premier League football clubs are owned by Englishmen - 95% of them sucks! (side note: Robinho went to Manchester City instead of Chelsea)

~ Reality TV shows are a pain but makes good TV.

~ The axis of evil in this world is determined by a dumbass.

~ The radio keeps on playing the same song. People keep on requesting the same, again and again.

~ U$D140 per barrel could raise petrol price up by 75cent. Cut that by 1/3 and the price drop by 25cent.

~ The financial sector of the country was headed for 4 years by a man who failed statistics.

Just be careful not to get sucked into this chaotic world and spew out to become a zombie, i.e. ignorant.

New Stuff!!

2008-09-23T21:02:00.000+08:00

New sofa set just arrived!! Hoyeh!

Lovely, now it feels more like home (apart from the fact that the TV is on the floor).

So now guests are welcomed to our house. Wait, no not till we get our TV cabinet. Which will be soon since my salary have been issued (is that the right word?).

So anyway, looking forward to having a great life with my wife in our new rented sofa filled house. Haha. Can't wait for the baby to arrive too! Waaaah so many things going in life. Such is life.

Till my next entry! ;p

The Intro

2008-09-23T19:06:00.000+08:00

This is my first entry on this non-political blog. I miss writing about life and such. Politics is good and all but it's nothing compared to my own life - minus politics.

Okay, so basically this blog is free from politics and is everything that has to do with other than politics. I may even consider writing a book chapter by chapter...hmm. Ridiculous.

Well this blog is actually meant for my unborn child (we have reasons to believe that it would be a cute little girl. The cute part is confirmed thanks to me...uhuk!)

My child, when you grow up, take this as the diary of ayah. But whatever is written here may not make sense all the time, because ayah doesn't make sense sometimes (ummi would argue and say 'most of the time', but she's just jealous..buweekk to ummi).

Till my next entry! ;p